Episode 57 - Checking In With Sarah

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hi Kane, it's Michael. I have some really nice cuttings that I've put into small pots that I could bring to the Best of Luck, if you'd like them? They are already pretty stable and don't need much watering, so they won't be hard to look after. I thought they'd look lovely on the tables, or something like that. So... let me know if you'd like them.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired, happy] Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail as requested.

Today was really good. Nothing in particular, just... overall, really nice.

Lots of customers, but not too many to feel overwhelming. All our boarders hanging out together and talking and playing board games to help Mira keep her mind occupied. You and Victor snapping each other with tea towels. [Laughs] He's better at it than you are, by the way. Sorry. I love you, but Victor is just clearly the superior towel snapper.

[Sigh] It's nice to have Mira back. [Flustered] Wait, I don't mean--fuck, you know. I don't mean it in that way. I wish it wasn't... I wish she wasn't hurting. I wish a breakup wasn't what made it happen. I'm not happy that she's been hurt or that she needs us, you know? I just mean... I just mean that I love that kid, and I like having her around.

I... should probably not call her a kid. That's probably like... super condescending. She's what, twenty one? She's not exactly a newborn.

She seems to be doing a lot better today, at least. I know it's going to take a while for her to really recover from this, but... I think she'll get through it okay. She's handling it really well, you know? Like... yeah, she's crying a lot, but like... that's kind of what I mean. She's letting herself feel devastated, she's not trying to push it away or not deal with it, and she's not getting angry or self destructive. Honestly, she's handling this really, really well, even if she doesn't feel like she is.

[Sigh] I hope Sarah is doing okay, too.

I texted her yesterday but didn't hear back. Maybe I should give her a call? I just... I don't want her to think that we're not here for her too, if she needs us.

Yeah, I think I'll give her a quick call before I go to sleep.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Sarah, it's Kane, from the Best of Luck Bar. Just checking in. Jason and I just want you to know that we love you and if you need anything to just give us a call, okay? I know you're probably hurting a lot and not feeling up to much right now, so... don't worry about returning this call if it stresses you out, okay? Just... know that we're here for you too, if you need us.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Bar's closed up and everyone's gone to bed. I'm about to do the same.

Good news though, Sarah returned your call not too long after you went to bed. She tried calling your phone first, but when you didn't pick up she called me instead.

She's doing as well as can be expected, just like Mira. We talked for a little while.

She was really glad to get your message. She figured we'd be taking sides or something, and that she wouldn't be welcome here, and that the first text was just kindof a politeness thing, you know? But I reassured her that's not the case. Told her again that we care about her and if she needs anything, she can call us and we'll figure something out.

So you can rest a bit easier. Sarah knows we still love her.

And... yeah. I know what you mean about it being nice to have Mira around again, even if the circumstances for that really suck. She was one of our first boarders. Before we remodelled, before the whole thing with the posters started... [Chuckle] wow, it feels like she's been a part of our lives for a really long time, huh? Even though it's only been... what, a bit over a year?

Man, who even knows. Keeping track of time is hard, fuck that.

[YAWNS] Man, sleep can't come soon enough. See you tomorrow Kane. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Although, how dare you. I am clearly the better towel snapper between Victor and I!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, Michael just brought in those cuttings he was telling us about. They're so cute, they're like little baby trees! I've put them around on some tables like Michael suggested, and it's got me thinking about maybe getting some more plants at some point. How do you feel about that “hanging plants above the bar” hipster sort of look? I feel like it has some potential, to be honest.

Also, I apologise. You are clearly the best towel snapper.

At least while Victor is out of earshot.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Abigail Michelle for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 56 - Mira's Return

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Crying] Hi, it's Mira. I... We broke up. Sarah and I broke up. I'm so... I don't know what to do, Papa Bear. I don't know what to do. Can I-- Can I please come back to stay at the bar again? Please? I don't... I don't know what else to do.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey babe. Everyone's asleep and I've just closed up the bar.

Mira took a lot of convincing to actually try sleeping, but Helen... somehow managed to get through to her. Asked her real gently, "Please look after my friend Mira", and that... well, first it made Mira cry some more, but then she nodded and agreed to try.

Might have to remember that phrasing. Might help some things later on, not just with Mira. Admittedly it might have just been because Helen was the one who said it. She really does have some kind of calming way about her.

Speaking of calm, I've tried to send some soothing sleepy vibes upstairs over the past little while and... I think Mira's asleep now. I mean, I'm not 100% sure, but... I did duck upstairs to see how you were sleeping a little while ago, and I couldn't hear any more crying coming from her room so... hopefully that means she's sleeping.

[Sigh] Poor kid. Breaking up with your first love is so devastating.

I remember mine - he was this sweet boy named Cameron. We were... I think nineteen? So... yeah, not that much younger than Mira, I guess.

Ah, we were so bad for each other. Not like, toxic bad. Just... not compatible, at all. He wanted to do the serious boyfriend thing, and settle down together and all that, and I... was not up for that. So... yeah. Kinda the same thing that broke up Sarah and Mira, from what little she was able to tell us today.

I still gotta put chairs up before I can come to bed. [Sigh] Might leave you another message after I've done that. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey. All done downstairs now. Just outside for some fresh air before I come to bed.

[Sigh] Man, I've been thinking about Cameron since I left you that last message. I wonder what he's up to these days? I wonder if he found someone to settle down with? I haven't really heard anything about him since we broke up.

We probably stayed together longer than we should have, really. But you don't think about that when you're young and in love. You want to believe you'll get through anything. Love conquers all, and all that.

It doesn't, though. A lot of things conquer love, turns out. Compatibility. History. Circumstances. Stupidity.

I did love him, though. I don't think he thought that I did. I think he thought that I was there for the sex and nothing else. And I mean, I was definitely distant to him in a lot of ways. I didn't exactly have a healthy relationship with my own emotions, you know?

I didn't love him deeply like how I love you. You're... you're different from everyone else I've ever loved. It feels... way more intense with you. But way more casual and comfortable, too. I feel like I can be myself with you. All aspects of myself, not just any particular side of me.

But I did love him. In my own way. It still hurt a lot when we broke up. I got... very, very wasted, on many, many different substances for a good long while after that breakup.

But... [Sigh] I came good. And I'm sure Mira will too. I'm glad we can be here for her.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey. I like it when you get introspective in the wee hours. I really like waking up to long voicemails from you. It gives me a really nice start to the day.

Mira's not up yet, which is a good sign, I think. Hopefully she's still sleeping soundly.

No one's up yet, actually. It's just me and the coffee machine.

[Sigh] Yeah. First loves are hard. Mine was a girl named Erika. We were... like the token queer kids at school, so... it was kind of natural for us to date, I think. I was... I think I was fifteen, when we got together? We were together for nearly two years, actually. I think everyone was expecting us to stay together for good, or at least like.... a really long time.

But, yeah, well. She fell in love with someone else, so... that was the end of it for us. It was... as good of a breakup as a couple of teenagers can have, I think. We were trying really hard not to hurt each other over it.

Foolishly, we tried to stay friends even though we were hurting far too much to be friends. And that... went a little worse than the breakup itself, sadly. We stopped speaking to each other only a couple of weeks later.

Hey, this might seem out of nowhere, but... talking about past loves... well, you know, some of mine are women. And... I've caught a lot of shit from people over the years for being bi, but you've never done that to me.

I just want you to know that I really, really appreciate that. Like... I know it might seem like nothing to you, but... trust me. I notice the absence of shittiness on this issue. And I appreciate it a lot.

Thank you. For being you. I love everything about you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Tired, Fragile] Hey Papa Bear. Ricardo said that when he's having a bad night, he leaves messages for Jason, and that it can be helpful, so... I thought... maybe I'd try that too.

Only I'm leaving a message for you and not Jason. I hope that's okay. You just... I don't know. You're really gentle and soft, and... I guess I just need that right now. [Quietly] I don't know.

I feel like the whole world is falling to pieces around me. I know it's not, but... that's how it feels. I keep looking at people who are okay and feeling like... "How can you be okay? Can't you see the world is ending?"

[Laugh] God, listen to me. I'm so dramatic. I'm sorry. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to keep it together and move on, but I just... [sniff] I just... [Tearing up] I loved her, and I miss her so much already, and I just... [Crying] I didn't expect things to go this way.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Still upset, but trying] Hey. Me again.

Sorry. I thought... I thought I could talk about this without crying, but... I guess I'm not there yet.

[Deep breath]

[Sad] It was kids, you know. The straw that broke the camel's back. She wants to have kids someday, ideally sooner rather than later, and I... I just don't. I don't think I even want kids at all.

And... there was other stuff. Like I said, this was just the final straw. We just... wanted different things. Like... I wanted to experiment with open relationships. We're young, you know? I don't want to get older and feel like I missed out on something because I was monogamous from the beginning. I don't even know if I want to be monogamous in the long run. But... if I do, I don't want to regret it, you know?

[Voice catches] I... I thought we were going to try all that stuff out together, though. I didn't think... I didn't think it was something that was going to break us up.

I know... [Sigh] I know that this is for the best. We... we couldn't have been happy in the long run. Not like this. No matter which way we went, one of us would have been miserable. And I know that, I just...

I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

[Deep breath] You know, I do actually feel a little better.

Thanks for listening, Papa Bear. See you in the morning.

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Our Kink for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 55 - Ricardo and CJ

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey Kane. I'll talk to you and Jason about this when I see you on Wednesday, but I just wanted to drop you a line now before I forget.

Michael's been having a lot of trouble finding any kind of job. Most places won't hire him because they're racist arseholes, and non-racist arseholes seem to all be homophobic arseholes instead.

I was thinking of maybe seeing if I could get a second job, and maybe Michael could take some of my shifts at the bar? I mean, he already knows how it all works, and everyone already knows him, so... I think it could work pretty well.

We'll talk about this in person, but, uh, yeah... I just wanted to raise the idea.

[Pickup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Nervous] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. Um... Uh. I-I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed talking with you at the party the other night, especially bonding over asexuality stuff, and uh.... I-I'd like to hang out with you again sometime, if you'd be into that?

Uh, to be clear, I'd like to hang out with you anyway, but... I'm kind of specifically asking this in a date kind of way.

So... let me know if you're interested. If not, no worries, and I'd still like to hang out platonically sometime if you're up for that.

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, when you wake up tomorrow, can you talk to Ricardo? CJ asked him out, and he's interested, but... he's feeling like he shouldn't date anyone because of his PTSD.

He seems to think that he'd be bad to date, or hard to date, or something like that. And it's not like he's not interested, he's just... worried that he's not good enough, or that his PTSD will get in the way or ruin it or something.

I remember you had some similar feelings about your anxiety when we first started going out together, so... I thought maybe you could help him get through it?

I already told him that if someone likes him then it doesn't matter if he has problems or not, because like... I've been with you for over two years now and your anxiety isn't a problem for me at all. I mean... I hate it when it's a problem for you, because I love you and I don't want you to be hurting, but it's not like... it's not a problem for me, you know?

But... yeah. I think he's feeling a bit broken and... I don't want him to feel that way. I don't think of him that way, and I'm sure CJ doesn't either. But I know that hearing it from me... I mean I can only come at it from this side of the situation, you know? But I thought maybe you could help him out from his side of the situation.

[Sigh] Have I told you recently that I love you? I'm so glad you're my boyfriend.

And, hey, I don't think I've ever actually said this before, so... I'm really grateful that you trust me, and that you risk being vulnerable with me. I know it's hard, and your anxiety is like, always telling you to keep me out, you know? And I'm just... I'm so happy, and so grateful that you push through that. You mean so much to me, and... I just... I love you. I love you so much. Anxiety and all.

[Pickup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey Jason, it's Ricardo. Again. I... I hope you don't mind me filling up your voicemail inbox again. I figured... it kind of helped, last time, to talk this way, so... maybe it will this time, too.

I'm still feeling unsure about CJ. I know we already talked about this, but... I don't know. I'm still struggling with it.

I feel like I'm barely holding myself together at any given point. How is it fair to ask anyone else to get entangled this mess called Ricardo?

How can I even think about dating, when going outside at all makes me feel stressed and jittery? That's not going to make for a very good date, if I'm sitting across a table from them and I keep tensing up every time a server comes to take my order. Or what we're walking somewhere, and I hear some people yelling, and I freak out? How are they supposed to put up with that?

I don't know, Jason. I can't expect them to put up with my bullshit, can I? [SIGHS] I don't know why I'm asking that, considering you already made your position on that extremely clear. And I don't mean to make it sound like you and Kane don't exist.

I know, intellectually, that you're right, and people can have patience, and people can go slowly and be okay with it... I mean... like I said, I don't mean to make it sound like you and Kane don't handle this sort of thing. But not everyone is like you two.

I can barely put up with me, right now. How can I expect anyone else to?

[Sigh] Well. This didn't help me feel clearer or more sure about this sort of thing. But it is still nice to scream into the void, as it were.

Thanks for listening, Jason. And ah... sorry for calling you a void. You're much warmer and brighter than that.

[Pickup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Firmly but nervously] You know what? You're right. I like them too, and... I don't know if I'm going to get any better, so... I shouldn't put off waiting for something I don't know will happen.

I... yeah. I'm going to try. And I'm... leaving this voicemail for you instead of them, because I'm... look, bravery has to come in little steps, right? I'll... I'll send them a text tomorrow.

[Sigh] No, no. I should send it now, before I go to sleep. Otherwise I might chicken out.

Yeah. Okay. I'll text them now. Wish me luck!

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to William Davies for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

The Amelia Project: Percy, Part 2

The Amelia Project is a comedy audio drama podcast by Imploding Fictions (NO/FR) produced in association with Open House Theatre (AT). Passer Vulpes Productions collaborated on Percy, Part 2. All copyrights per their respective owners, reproduced with permission from Imploding Fictions

PIP: Hello, I'm Pip!

OYSTEIN: And I'm Oystein,

PIP: And we're back! With this World Audio Drama Day Special of The Amelia Project.

OYSTEIN: Happy World Audio Drama Day, everyone! Hope you're spending it bingeing lots of great podcasts!

PIP: One quick note before you start this episode, It's not a normal episode of the Amelia Project. It's a continuation of Episode Nine, "Percy", so if you haven't listened to that episode, or if it's been a while and you don't remember it so well, we suggest you listen to Episode Nine, "Percy", first before you start this one.

OYSTEIN: Right, it's time to pour yourself a large mug of cocoa, sit back, and enjoy!

[BACKGROUND FX: The hustle and bustle of thousands of people. Trains whistling, ships honking, buses parked with their engines on, planes taking off. It's like a train station/dock/airport/ bus station all in one. There are also weird noises like trumpeting elephants marching by, the growls of scary predators, fluttering of wings and the tingling sound we've come to associate with magic wands. The footsteps of creatures of all shapes and sizes. a tannoy system shouts constant messages.]

TANNOY VOICE: We need broken limbs at gate thirteen. Anybody with broken limbs, please hobble along to gate thirteen for a plane crash with survivors. First come first served.

[FX: A whoosh and a pop, as Percy and the Interviewer land in Grand Character Central.]

PERCY: Wow! What just happened?

INTERVIEWER: Congratulations Percy, you are now officially out of that pretentious podcast The Amelia Project.

TANNOY VOICE: Astronauts to the launch site for a one way expedition to Mars!

PERCY: This is amazing!

INTERVIEWER: I know!

PERCY: Is that a -

INTERVIEWER: Zombie? Yes, I think so.

PERCY: And over there!

INTERVIEWER: Behind the aliens? Looks like Huguenots.

PERCY: And that's a Jedi! A real Jedi! Just sitting there on a bench, oh next to the grandma with a bazooka. I love it! You've found the perfect place for me!

INTERVIEWER: Oh! no, no, no, no, no. You can't stay here.

PERCY: Why not? This place is perfect! It's clearly been created by someone with an extreme imagination! In a place like this... I could be anyone!

INTERVIEWER: Sorry, but we're not in a new writer's imagination yet.

PERCY: We're not?

INTERVIEWER: No.

PERCY: Oh. Well then... what is this place?

TANNOY VOICE: Pirates needed at landing stage seven for a mutiny aboard the Jolly Rodger.

INTERVIEWER: This, Percy, is where ideas come from. Character ideas, more specifically.

PERCY: What??

INTERVIEWER: Welcome to Grand Character Central! Nearly all characters travel via this place on their way to whatever story they are about to appear in.

PERCY: That would mean I've been here before... But I don't remember it. How could I forget a place like this?

INTERVIEWER: Ah yes, I said "nearly all". You're so, ahem, underdeveloped, you probably came from somewhere else.

PERCY: Where? Where did I come from?

INTERVIEWER: Some characters are discovered among the dregs in Rum Reservoir.

PERCY: [Disgusted sigh] You're saying I'm just a drunken idea?

[FX: The Amelia Project pips start]

INTERVIEWER: Well yes, but never mind that now! A new life awaits! You're at Grand Character Central! From here, you can travel anywhere! Into the mind of any writer you can imagine!

PERCY: H.P. Lovecraft?

INTERVIEWER: No, Alive, they have to be alive.

TANNOY VOICE: All fireworms to meeting point D, there's an urgent need for a fireworm attack in the new George R.R. Martin novel.

INTERVIEWER: Percy, are you ready?

PERCY: Wait, where are you sending me?! Where are we going?

[MUSIC: The Amelia theme kicks in. A burst of static and the theme starts disintegrating.]

OYSTEIN: What?! What's going on? Oystein?

PIP: I don't know! I don't know what's happening!

[MUSIC: The theme is ambushed by the Victoriocity theme which drowns Pip and Oystein out.]

INTRO VOICE: Victoriocity, by Chris and Jen Sugden.

[MUSIC: The Victoriocity theme continues]

[BACKGROUND FX: Police station ambience, phones ringing, general hubbub]

[FX: Intercom click]

KELLER: [Shouting] Miss Wolferton!

[FX: Door opens. Noise of police station leaks in.]

MISS WOLFERTON: Chief Inspector, you buzzed. And shouted.

KELLER: Yes. What now, Miss Wolferton?

MISS WOLFERTON: You called me.

KELLER: I meant "What now?" As in, "We've been at this from 7 in the morning until 9 at night for a week. How many more are there?"

MISS WOLFERTON: Detectives?

KELLER: They're not detectives until I damned well say so.

MISS WOLFERTON: Prospective detectives. Prospectives.

KELLER: I hate this.

MISS WOLFERTON: I know, but you need to hire some of them.

KELLER: What possible reason would make me do that?

MISS WOLFERTON: They can help solve some of the many, many, many crimes?

KELLER: Not that many! You make it sound as though there are too many.

MISS WOLFERTON: There are too many. Have you seen the board?

KELLER: I thought the board fell down.

MISS WOLFERTON: It did. Under the weight of the–

KELLER: Crimes, yes. Look, Miss Wolferton–

MISS WOLFERTON: There's only one left. He only appeared a moment ago. What was your name?

PERCY: [off] Oh! Um, Percy.

MISS WOLFERTON: A Constable Percy.

PERCY: [off] No, not constable, I'm just–

KELLER: Send him in!

MISS WOLFERTON: [off] Right this way.

[FX: Footsteps. Door closes.]

KELLER: Hmm...

PERCY: Hello, I'm very sorry, but–

KELLER: Not yet you're not. Let's take a look at your examination. Perry, was it?

PERCY: Percy.

KELLER: Keller.

PERCY: No, Percy.

KELLER: I'm Keller, you halfwit. Detective Chief Inspector.

PERCY: Right.

KELLER: Examination?

PERCY: No, I'm alright thanks.

KELLER: Where is your detective examination?

PERCY: I don't have one.

KELLER: It's not looking good, Petri.

PERCY: It's Percy, and–

KELLER: Date of birth.

PERCY: May 10th, nineteen eighty-

KELLER: Nineteen? What the blazes are you talking about man?

PERCY: Look, there's been a misunderstanding.

KELLER: At last we are on the same page, Peatley!

PERCY: It's Percy, and I–-

KELLER: Consider this, Perty.

PERCY: It's Percy.

KELLER: Perty, you've been called to a residence where a man lies slain in his own bathtub.

PERCY: Good god!

KELLER: Quite. The wife is hysterical. The housekeeper is hysterical. The children are, mercifully, at boarding school. Walk me through the solution.

PERCY: Well, I'd phone the police immediately!

[Pause]

KELLER: Care to try that again?

PERCY: Oh. I am the police.

KELLER: We'll see how it goes, but for this scenario, assume you are indeed still the police.

PERCY: Well, I would interrogate the wife.

KELLER: What makes you so sure it was the wife?

PERCY: Isn't it often the spouse in this sort of thing?

KELLER: What sort of thing is that?

PERCY: Murder?

KELLER: Yes, and how many murder cases have you been on?

PERCY: None.

KELLER: So your intuition is guided by...

PERCY: Books?

KELLER: And while you are reading your books...

PERCY: I'm learning about solving crimes?

KELLER: While you are reading your books, the dead man's valet, who you did not notice had beads of sweat on his brow from the exertion of murdering his employer, is making a break for it!

PERCY: Did you say there was a valet?

KELLER: Did you say you were a simpleton!

PERCY: Now look here!

[FX: Intercom click]

MISS WOLFERTON: [Through intercom] Yes?

KELLER: Miss Wolferton, kindly open the door. Mr Portly will be traveling through it at high speed shortly.

PERCY: It's Percy. Wait, what?

KELLER: This is how you solve crimes? Fanciful fiction? [FX: Door opens] Find any poor woman who fits the bill and send them to the hangman's noose? You make me sick. Get out of my sight!

[FX: Footsteps as percy hurries out of the door. Door slams. Louder police station ambience.

MISS WOLFERTON: Thank you for coming to see us, Constable Percy. We'll be in touch.

INTERVIEWER: How did it go?

PERCY: This isn't the right place for me!

INTERVIEWER: It's a very popular podcast. It's a neo Victorian detective comedy and they're looking for a new character! I mean Percy, you could be the star detective in their second season!

PERCY: A podcast? I said I didn't want to be in another podcast!

INTERVIEWER: [Groan] Where would you like to go?

PERCY: I don't know! Just get me out of here! Quick!

[FX: Whoosh, then a pop]

[FX: Pickup sound]

[FX: Beep]

PERCY: Hi... Eh - Jason? Or, Kane? Apparently I've reached a bar or something... and there was this Australian voice saying that Jason and Kane live above the... bar? I'm a bit confused... I came here with a... a guide... and I can't see him anywhere and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing... Er, I'm in a phone booth. I might be standing right across the street from your bar, actually? The Best of Luck Bar? It looks closed... Well, it seems to be the wee hours of the morning, so- Oh lord, there's a koala! I'm definitely in Australia then. Eh... when you hear this, if an Englishman arrives in a pin striped suit, would you just tell him to call me back? I think I'm just going to stay here for now. That's probably for the best. Er, Thank you.

[FX: Dial tone]

[FX: Pickup sound]

INTRO: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[MUSIC: Love and Luck podcast theme]

[FX: Pickup sound]

[FX: Beep]

INTERVIEWER: Percy, I've brought you to a wonderful place called Love and Luck. Yes, it's another podcast, but it's great! It's about these two gay men who open up a bar. And they can do magic! It's probably one of the most inclusive and heartwarming podcasts around! I think you'll be very happy here.

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

PERCY: I'm not leaving this phone booth. So far I've seen one kangaroo, two dingos and a lizard with a blue tongue! Why did you bring me here? Why are we only communicating through voice mail? What is going on?

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

INTERVIEWER: The whole show is told through voice mails! It's super clever right?

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

PERCY: I can only speak through voice mails? For the rest of my life? Are you kidding me? I wanted to be a fully fledged character, not just a voice saying "Hi there, it's me, call me back!"

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

INTERVIEWER: It's really not like that. You can say anything via a voice mail. Declare your love! Come out to your dad! Argue! Make up! Just try it out!

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

PERCY: [High pitched scream] There's a spider inside the phone booth! It's right next to the door, I can't get out! Help me! Get me out of here! Please! Help--

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

INTERVIEWER: [Exasperated sigh] Fine.

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

JASON: Hey, Kane, ah... there was a really weird message on the bar's voicemail that I just noticed, did you catch it? From this English person? He sounded really confused, he said he was in the phone booth on the other side of the road, but... [chuckle] I mean, that hasn't been a phone booth for years, right? It's just a wifi hotspot now. I don't know. Did you see anyone new come in today? Maybe with a British accent? I'd like to help this guy, if we can figure out where he is.

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason. No, I didn't meet anyone new yesterday from England. If this guy does show up and he really does need our help, obviously we'll definitely be there for him. But... it might've just been a prank, you know? I mean... he was talking about koalas and kangaroos and stuff, and the last time I checked, the only place to find those in the inner city is at the zoo. So don't worry too much, okay? I love the fact that your instinct is to help people, though.

Oh, and... I don't want to worry you, but when I came downstairs this morning, there was a dirty mug on the counter in the kitchen. And it wasn't left there by one of our boarders. It looks like someone else has been in the bar during the night. Now, don't worry - I checked, and nothing has been stolen, and all the doors were locked. Whoever it was seems to have just... appeared and disappeared. All they did was drink a cup of cocoa and break a saucer.

[FX: Hangup sound]

[FX: Beep]

JASON: Hey, maybe he thought a possum was a koala. I mean, they're both cute grey furry marsupials that make the most god awful noises when they have sex. Easy mistake to make? Oh and, Kane... Why would you say "cocoa"? It's called "hot chocolate" isn't it?

[FX: Hangup sound]

PIP: They've disappeared!

OYSTEIN: What?

PIP: From the script! Percy and the Interviewer have disappeared right out of this document! God knows where they are!

OYSTEIN: Percy wanted a new writer!

PIP: You think he's in another audio drama?

OYSTEIN: It would be disrespectful.

PIP: Like they're cheating on us!

OYSTEIN: We have to get them back before they start making a fool of us in other podcasts!

[FX: Whoosh, then a pop]

[FX: A big splash, with some big bubbles blooping up. Sounds of thrashing in the water]

PERCY: Blergh! Phey!

INTERVIEWER: Argh ! Ptew!

PERCY: What the...? Where are we? Where are we, It stinks!

INTERVIEWER: I'm not entirely sure. [Retching] From our immediate surroundings, I deduce that we are -

PERCY: We're in a bog! A stinky, smelly bog!

MAGNUS: [Humming an angry melody, more hissed through his teeth than actually hummed.]

PERCY: Quiet! Someone's coming!

MAGNUS: Du-du-du-du-I-hate-my-job... [mimics Alba's voice] "Chores build character"... "You have to earn your keep..." Sure, but what about Holly? Why can't she empty the... Hngh! [strains as he lifts the heavy chamber pot] ...bedpans sometimes! Hngh!

[FX: Sound of a massive piss pot right on percy and the interviewer's head. More sputtering and spitting.]

PERCY: Argh ! Blurgh.

INTERVIEWER: Ptew. Prfff.

MAGNUS: Whoa! Swamp people!

INTERVIEWER: Swamp People? No we're not!

MAGNUS: What the heck are you doing in the leech pond?

PERCY: I think the more important question is why are you emptying a piss pot on our heads?!

MAGNUS: Because it's... closer than the river, that's why! [Lowers his voice] Uh, listen... don't tell my boss, okay?

INTERVIEWER: Could you please tell me where it is we have landed?

MAGNUS: Uh... in the pond. Behind the House of Healing. Do you have an appointment?

HERALD: [Clears Throat] By appointment to the King and Queen: Alba Salix, Royal Physician!

[MUSIC: Opening theme of Alba Salix]

[BACKGROUND FX: Outside forest sounds]

INTERVIEWER: House of Healing? Are we in a hospital?

PERCY: Have you just emptied the piss of sick people on my head?

MAGNUS: Well... No. Not just people. There's some ogre and goblin in there... oh, and centaur!

PERCY: Agh ! Ugh! Agh !

MAGNUS: Sorry, sorry. I know they're all "people". Non-human people. Whatever.

PERCY: I need to get out of this bog. Now!

MAGNUS: Technically, it's a pond...

PERCY: Help me then, come on! I'm stuck.

MAGNUS: You gotta be kidding. All right. Here.

[FX: Magnus heaves, and a squishy, sucky sound, as the bog gives.]

MAGNUS: Come on, you too.

[FX: Magnus heaves again, and a squishy, sucky sound, as the bog gives.]

INTERVIEWER: Thank you. Ogres and goblins, you said? What sort of place have we landed in?

MAGNUS: Landed?

INTERVIEWER: What's this place called?

MAGNUS: It's Grandville. Capital of Farloria? Wow, you guys must be a long way off course.

INTERVIEWER: You could say that.

PERCY: A shower! Is there a shower anywhere? I need a shower!

MAGNUS: A what?

PERCY: Oh! There's a river! [Runs off laughing maniacally]

MAGNUS: No! Dude, the river is... [FX: A big splash] [Sigh] The river is where pretty much the whole town dumps their sewage.

PERCY: [From far off] What? This water is... algrhgrh!

[FX: In the background Percy is splashing about in the water trying to swim ashore as quickly as possible.]

PERCY: Argh ! Ugh! Ah, it went in my mouth!

MAGNUS: Oh boy. So... you said you "landed". Did you fly here? You don't have wings...

INTERVIEWER: There are many ways of flying.

MAGNUS: So that mean... Oooooh! Are you a wizard?

INTERVIEWER: [Laughs] Well I don't like to boast but...

MAGNUS: Do you, like, throw fireballs? Or summon demons?

INTERVIEWER: [Almost bursting with happiness] I make people disappear.

MAGNUS: Like... a magical assassin?

INTERVIEWER: No! No no no no no! I help people to fake their own deaths and vanish without a trace.

MAGNUS: No way! That's your job?

INTERVIEWER: Oh yes. Right now, I'm trying to find a new home for Percy over there. He's being very difficult about it.

MAGNUS: Maybe you could help me out? 'Cause my job here is the worst. I work for this witch who treats me like a slave, and I'm not allowed to leave because I'm doing community service...

INTERVIEWER: Is that Grandville over there? I'd love a little stroll around. Could you recommend a nice place for refreshments?

MAGNUS: Yeah! We should totally go for a drink and discuss this disappearing thing. There's a place across the river called the Axe and Crown. It's pretty cheap, and they won't mind too much if you're covered in... you know.

INTERVIEWER: Do they have cocoa?

MAGNUS: Ahh... Yeah, it's called cocoa, though I don't think there's any actual chocolate in it.

[FX: Percy is out of the water and approaching.]

PERCY: [Off] Hrm. Listen...

INTERVIEWER: Apparently there's a pub we should try, it's called -

PERCY: We're off.

INTERVIEWER: But Percy! This seems to be a magical land! It could be very exciting!

PERCY: Off. Now.

INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, but it seems we have to leave. It's been a pleasure.

[FX: Whoosh and a pop]

MAGNUS: Wait! Wait! You guys! Come back! I want to disappear too! Guys...? Wizardly guys? Dangit.

OYSTEIN: I've been binging on audio dramas trying to find them...

PIP: Any leads?

OYSTEIN: [Quite fast] I searched every inch of Night Vale, then, on my way to Desert Bluffs, I took a quick detour through Uncanny County where sheriff Rowland told me to check out Limetown, but there was no-one there. I don't know where to look next.

PIP: Percy's been nothing but trouble. We should never have written him.

OYSTEIN: Once we get him back into the script, let's delete him!

PIP: Good idea. But we have to catch him first!

PERCY: A goat needs about two to four pounds of hay per day. Does that make every day a goat's heyday? It's Goat in - [Bleats loudly] Maaahhhhh ! What the...?!

[MUSIC: Girl In Space theme tune]

[FX: The click of a tape recorder interrupts the theme]

[BACKGROUND FX: Space station hum]

X: Here.

PERCY: Mahhh !

X: Chew on this.

[FX: Percy munches hay]

X: There you go. Chew on that hay whilst I... attach this little gadget here... behind your ear... and in a moment you should be able to... speak you mind... So, hi there, dear listener, it's me again. It's day 9 mark 304, hour zero four thirty one. I'm conducting a little experiment today on one of my closest friends. Are you as excited as I am to see if this works? In a second now I will be turning this machine on for the very first time...

[FX: Turning of a knob]

X: There.

PERCY: Mahhh - ah... ahh? Awh. Oh. Eh...? Hay?

X: Hey!

PERCY: Hay?

X: Hey there Daisy!

PERCY: Hay?

X: Hey!

PERCY: Hay?

X: Yes, hey.

PERCY: HAAAY!

X: Uh, Yes. Hey.

PERCY: HAAAAY! HAAAAY!

X: I think that's enough greetings for now, perhaps we should find another subject to talk about?

PERCY: HAY!! Mahhh! Mahhh!!

X: Oh, perhaps you're saying... hay? Well, I guess it's not that surprising that "hay" would be your first word. After all most of your life has been spent chewing. And you've got a lot of milk to produce, so that I can make some delicious Feta cheese... Here you go. Munch on this.

[FX: Percy munches more hay]

X: So, Daisy, tell me: How is life with wool and hoofs? Are you generally excited about what life has to offer? Do you ever have nightmares about being fed to a T-Rex, or are you perhaps looking to expand your horizon, travel, see the world...

PERCY: Where...?

X: Oh! Another word! We're making progress! "Where"? Well, you're on the space station Cavatica, more specifically in the Glasshouse pod.

PERCY: What...? Who...? How...?

X: You know, Daisy, I ask myself exactly those questions nearly every day.

PERCY: Mahhh! Mahhh!

X: Why are you still bleating? Hm. The speech translator can't be working exactly as I planned. I'm just going to adjust this... Oh, I left the flathead in the other room. Just a moment, Daisy, I'll be right back.

[FX: X walks off, leaving her tape recorder behind.]

[FX: Girl in Space scene change wail]

PERCY: What the... I have hooves! What is this?! Who am I? Where am I?!

[FX: A whirring sound as an AI enters on a mechanical arm.]

INTERVIEWER: [Speaking like Charlotte the AI from Girl in Space] Hi there - [FX: AI thinking ticking] Percy! How are you doing?

PERCY: Wait... it's you? You're a robot -

INTERVIEWER: I'm an - [FX: AI thinking ticking] AI!

PERCY: We're on a space station! I said somewhere on Earth didn't I? I don't like Sci Fi!

INTERVIEWER: This isn't just any Sci Fi! You're starring in a spin off series to one of the best sci-fi pod- um, dramas out there. The spin off is called [FX: AI thinking ticking] Goat in Space! It's set before the beginning of [FX: AI thinking ticking] Girl in Space.

PERCY: Starring? I'm starring?

INTERVIEWER: A star - in space! Ha ha.

PERCY: Starring as who?

INTERVIEWER: The main character. Daisy, everybody's favorite talking goat!

PERCY: [Pause] I'm a goat?

INTERVIEWER: A talking goat.

PERCY: I am... a goat?!

INTERVIEWER: Yes! In space! [FX: AI thinking ticking] Space adventures! Exploring the universe. Meeting aliens! It's dramatic, action packed, melancholy, funny...

PERCY: I don't want to be a goat!

INTERVIEWER: Aural receptors malfunctioning.

PERCY: What?

INTERVIEWER: Aural receptors malfunctioning.

PERCY: Are you kidding me?

INTERVIEWER: And look at the view!

PERCY: I am looking, and it's terrifying! It's just... It's just black!

INTERVIEWER: There's Ra! It's spectacular.

PERCY: Listen. I want to feel the ground under my hooves - feet! Feet! I want feet again! This is not what I signed up for. Now please get us out of here!

INTERVIEWER: [Back to normal voice] Argh. Fine. No one is going to listen to this show anyway, if you stick with that attitude. So much for everyone's favorite goat...

[BACKGROUND FX fades out]

OYSTEIN: How are you doing Pip? Any luck yet?

PIP: I spent hours hanging around in Dr. Bright's waiting room. In the end I got fed up and went to Piffling. Thought I might find them at Agatha Doyle's Broken Tooth, but no luck. I picked up some Memento Mori chocolates though.

OYSTEIN: [Pause] Wait a minute. Chocolate!

PIP: What?

OYSTEIN: That's how we get them back! We lure the Interviewer back by namedropping some really decadent chocolate!

PIP: You think that will work?

OYSTEIN: If we make it irresistible enough!

PIP: Can I use the word "ambrosial?" I've always wanted to use the word "ambrosial."

OYSTEIN: Sure.

[FX: Sound of typing]

PIP: "The cocoa was thick and velvety, its ambrosial scent an overture to the celestial symphony of sweet bliss waiting to... enrapture the taste buds. This cocoa, was the result of the combined wisdom of the most prestigious chocolatiers of Paris, Bruges, Basel and Vienna. It-

[FX: Whoosh and a pop in background]

OYSTEIN: I think I just heard something! [FX: Doorbell rings] Oh my god! I think it's them!

PIP: I'll go get the door. [off] Hello.

INTERVIEWER: [off] Hello!

PERCY: [off] Where are we?

INTERVIEWER: [off] It's Paris.

PERCY: [off] This is Paris?

INTERVIEWER: [off] Well it's the suburbs.

PIP: [off] Welcome!

PERCY: [off] And who's he? He doesn't look trustworthy. I dislike this genre already.

INTERVIEWER: [Coming into the room] Is that the ambrosial scent of cocoa hitting my nostrils?

OYSTEIN: It sure is! We've just made a pot. Would you like some?

INTERVIEWER: I never say no to a good cup of the old choccy choc choc.

PERCY: There must be better places to go, surely!

OYSTEIN: Here we go I've set out two cups right over there by the laptop...

INTERVIEWER: Come on Percy just one cup and then we can go wherever you-

OYSTEIN: Got you!

INTERVIEWER: What do you mean, got you?

[Oystein laughs]

PIP: You're back in our script!

PERCY: What?! What's happening?!

INTERVIEWER: Don't stress Percy. Relax. Would you like some cocoa?

PERCY: Yes, with three spoonfuls of sugar please. Actually, make that four.

PIP: One... two... three... four. There you go! You better enjoy, because I'm about to delete you.

PERCY: No! You can't do that! Not after all I've been through! Get me out of here!

INTERVIEWER: [Sound of interviewer gorging himself on cocoa]

PERCY: Hey! Hey! Are you listening to me?

INTERVIEWER: Good lord! This is the best written cocoa I've ever had!

PIP: And.... [FX: Hits delete key] That's the end of that.

INTERVIEWER: Oh good. It was getting exhausting. He was never satisfied!

PIP: Now we can get this podcast back on track and focus on normal episodes.

INTERVIEWER: Not too normal though! Normality is so boooooring!

PERCY: [MUFFLED] Hey! Hey! Hey! Get me out of here!

PIP: Oh, I better empty the trash. [FX: KEYSTROKE, FOLLOWED BY CRINKLING PAPER SOUND] There we go. That should do it.

OYSTEIN: Now you better get back to the office. Alvina is waiting for you.

INTERVIEWER: Can I take some of that...

PIP: Take the whole pot.

INTERVIEWER: Oooooh thank you! Well, Toodle-oo!

[FX: Whoosh and a pop]

ALVINA: Ah!

INTERVIEWER: Ah!

ALVINA: Gosh! Don't just jump out at me like that!

INTERVIEWER: Sorry!

ALVINA: There's a door, next time, knock!

INTERVIEWER: [Relieved sigh]. Ooh! What are you eating?

ALVINA: Scones.

INTERVIEWER: May I have one--

ALVINA: [Indignant] No! [Pause] Scones are my cocoa! Where on earth have you been?

INTERVIEWER: [Sigh] It's a long story.

ALVINA: Well, as you say yourself, there's [Overlap with next line] always time for a story.

INTERVIEWER: [Overlap] always time for a story, you're absolutely right Alvina. [Pause] But first I want a scone.

ALVINA: Oh here you go.

INTERVIEWER: Oh goody! Now, are you sitting comfortably?

ALVINA: Um... yes.

[FX: The Amelia pips fade in]

INTERVIEWER: Good, because this is a tale of detectives and koalas and robots and magicians and murderous valets.

ALVINA: Good grief. All in one story? Sounds a bit... overblown?

[FX/MUSIC: The Amelia Pips pick up backing instrumentals, slowly becoming the start of the full Amelia Theme]

INTERVIEWER: It's a story about bogs and bazookas and bars and bedpans. It's a story about stars and spiders and space stations. It's a story about Norwegians and Australians and witches and goats and writers and Girls in Space. And most importantly, it's a story about... [MUSIC: Halts] cocoa.

[MUSIC: Amelia theme crashes in, a version with elements from the themes of Victoriocity, Alba Salix, Love and Luck, Girl In Space]

PIP: We hope you've enjoyed this World Audio Drama Day Special! This Episode is dedicated to the Audio Drama community, and featured some of our favourite shows, including Victoriocity, Alba Salix, Love and Luck, and Girl in Space. Check out these brilliant shows wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to a special extended version of this episode by becoming a Patron of the Amelia Project, and pledging just a few dollars per episode. Go to patreon.com/ameliapodcast, that's Patreon, P A T R E O N, dot com, slash amelia podcast, all one word, to make your pledge, support the show, and listen to an extended version of this episode, which sees Percy and the Interviewer end up in some other genres, such as medical drama, a fantasy movie, and more.

The Amelia Project is created by Phillip Thorne and Øystein Brager, and music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. This Episode featured Tom Middler as Percy, Alan Burgon as the Interviewer, Tanja Milojevic as the voice of Grand Character Central, Jen Sugden as Ms. Wolverton, Chris Sugden as Chief Inspector Keller, Julian Sark as Magnus, Erin Kyan as Jason, Lee Davis-Thalbourne as Kane, Sarah Werner as X, and Julia C Thorne as Alvina. The Victoriocity theme is composed by John Owen, The Alba Salix theme is composed by Eli McIlveen, and the Girl in Space theme is Sad Past by Silent Partner. Graphic Design by Anders Petersen, and a big thank you to Dominic Hargreaves and Gabriel Geber for recording assistance. You can find full credits on our website, and you can get in touch with us on twitter, where we are @amelia_podcast. Bye for now, and hope to welcome you back to Amelia soon.

[FX/MUSIC: Amelia pips continue to fade out after credits into Epilogue]

INTERVIEWER: Well, have you finished? What do you think?

ALVINA: Well, "Pip" sounds like a Dickens rip off and "Oystein"?

INTERVIEWER: Yes?

ALVINA: Well come on, that just sounds plain wrong.

INTERVIEWER: Well, I couldn't get those characters to work anyway. You know what? I think I'll just delete them.

ALVINA: Good idea.

[FX: Keystrokes]

INTERVIEWER: Maybe I'll try my hand at a novel next!

ALVINA: We're going through a dry period, I know. But I'm sure we'll have a new case for you to put your mind to soon. It's just a question of time.

INTERVIEWER: Or poetry, yes. You know what, Alvina? I should write poetry.

ALVINA: [Almost in panic] Or how about painting?

INTERVIEWER: Oh god no.

ALVINA: Cooking?

INTERVIEWER: Cooking? er...

ALVINA: Collecting stamps?

INTERVIEWER: I've collected all the stamps, Alvina, I'm so bored!

ALVINA: Taxidermy?

INTERVIEWER: [Mumbling] Well, I s'pose--

ALVINA: Sport?

INTERVIEWER: [Laughs] Sport?! [Pause] Oh good god, were you serious?

ALVINA: Uh...

[FX: Old fashioned phone rings]

ALVINA: Oh thank god.

[FX: The ringing fades into the distance]

Episode 54 - Victor and Michael's Housewarming

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, just a reminder that Josh and Hannah won't be around until eight tomorrow night, so don't do that thing where you get ready to go at like six o'clock and then just vibrate anxiously for two hours, okay? I will remind you of this again in person when I see you tomorrow.

Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: I feel like I should be offended that you think I need reminding of how time works, but then I realized that if you left me to my own devices, I would 100% do exactly what you told me not to do. So... humph! How dare you know me so well!

Things are good downstairs today. Tom is excited for the housewarming party - apparently he doesn't get invited to many parties that, y'know, are actually wheelchair accessible. I mean, not that it sounds like Victor and Michael's new place is great for that, but it is at least all on one floor with only a tiny lip at the entrance to the building. So... near enough is good enough, at least when it comes to getting trashed with friends, anyway.

Speaking of which... I'm kind of excited. I literally do not remember the last time I got drunk. It was probably like... back in the first couple of months of dating you, I think? Which feels like FOREVER ago now.

And yes, before you come galloping downstairs and bellowing that I need to leave you a drunk voicemail tonight, yes, I promise I will. Or at least I promise I will try, because there is a good chance that I will forget.

I love you. See you when you get up!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: House party background noise]

KANE: [Drunk] Okay! I said okay! I'm doing it!

JASON: [Drunk] Are you sure?? Did you dial the right contact??

KANE: YES! Look, it's your face! Your face is on the phone! [LAUGHS] I like your face!

JASON: I like YOUR face!

KANE: I like YOUR face!

JASON: I like YOU!

KANE: I like YOU!!! I LOVE you!

JASON: I love you too! Are you crying?

KANE: NO! My face is just wet because I love you!

JASON [Laughing] Aww, baby...

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: House party noise in background]

VICTOR: [Drunk] Hey future Jason! This is past Jason!

JASON: Hey! You're not past Jason! I am!

VICTOR: [Laughing]

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Muffled house party noise in background]

KANE: [Quietly drunk] Hey... I'm hiding in the bathroom. Just for a few minutes. It's really, really loud out there, and apparently I am not used to being drunk in loud places any more. Or... being drunk at all any more, really...

I feel dizzy...

I kind of remember WHY I don't get drunk anymore... aside from the whole... never having alcohol near me... thing. It's kind of terrible! I feel like I'm too loud and too big and too clumsy!

[Whisper-ish] Oh, hey, do we know CJ? Everyone's acting like we know them but I don't recognize them at all, and I feel like a huge dickhead. Do we know them? Fuck.

[Deep breath] Anyway. You always leave me cute or funny drunk voicemails so... this is me trying, okay? I'm... uh... very drunk. [Laughs] Oh, shit... I have to get up early and work in the morning, too. Fuck.

Uhhh... I love you. And... apologies in advance if I throw up in our bed tonight. And... sorry this isn't a very good drunk voicemail. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Drunk, quiet] Hey my lightweight sweetheart. We got home a few minutes ago and you are OUT like a LIGHT. [Chuckles]

Thank you for your drunk voicemail. It was very coherent and super cute, just like you.

I hope you don't wake up with too much of a hangover tomorrow. But if you do... eat some food, drink some water, have a berocca and some panadol. Then like... I don't know, wait for me to get up so I can scoop out your hangover, okay?

Huh. Wow. It's been... a long time since hangover hoovering was part of our agenda, huh? And never in this direction! I'm normally the hungover one.

[Exhale] God. So much has changed since that first hangover scoop. You know... that's kind of cool. Like... we were just saying the other day how we feel like we don't know anything about our magic, but like... compared to when it first started happening? We kind of know a lot about it now. Not like... not like a lot in general. Just like... a lot compared to what we used to know.

Heh. We've come a long way I guess. Even if it doesn't feel like that, sometimes.

I'm starting to think that's what life is, though. Feeling like you're not getting anywhere, but then looking back and going "holy shit, I've come a long way".

I love you. You're so wonderful.

I'm gonna go to sleep now too, okay? I'll see you in hangover hell tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Drunk] Oh, and by the way, yes, we do know CJ. We just used to know them as Cindy. You remember, the host of the radio show we went on back when we first opened the bar? Yeah! That's CJ. New name, new pronouns, same bubbly personality. Love you!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Tired, drunk] Hey Jason, it's Victor. Thanks for coming tonight. I know you guys had to find some other people to handle the bar, and I can't imagine that was easy on Papa Bear's nerves.

I hope you got him home and safely into bed okay. He did NOT look like he was feeling super great when you left. I'm guessing he's not great at holding his liquor much these days.

[Yawn] Pretty much everyone has left, except for Ricardo and CJ. They're crashing on our floor tonight, I think.

I really like this apartment. It feels good.

Michael was saying he wants to get some plants. Um, Not just for the balcony but like, inside as well. I like plants, I think. I've never really had plants. But they're nice, right?

I warned him I've never had plants before, so he'll have to show me how to not kill them, and he said that was fine and he'd teach me. So I'm gonna learn about gardening! So yeah. That's a new adventure. [Yawn]

I'm gonna pass out now. Thanks for being my friend, Jason. And thank Kane again for me, for helping with the application, yeah? I don't know if I'd be here right now if he hadn't helped. He's a really good guy. You both are.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Charlie Lang for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 53 - The Aftermath

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just closed up. God, it was busy tonight. Couple of big groups came in not long after you went to bed, which kept me pretty damn occupied till closing.

Between helping the boys move today and Victor not being here to absorb some of the work tonight, I am completely knackered.

[Sigh] Looking forward to cuddling up to you in a few minutes. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, so. When you wake up and check your phone, you will no doubt have received the invitation to Victor and Michael's housewarming party. Now, normally if we want to go to a party, we have Victor or Michael to look after the bar while we do that. Or Helen, in a pinch. But in this case, that's not really possible, since, you know... they'll both be there with us.

I'd really like to go, and I KNOW Victor and Michael would love to see us there, so... let me know if you have any good ideas on how the heck we can work around this? I'd really rather avoid closing up the bar for a night if we can avoid it, especially on a Saturday night, but... I'm fresh out of ideas.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, hope you're sleeping well. So, I called around a few of my mates like I said I would, and I've found a couple of people that I trust to watch the bar for us on Saturday. Their names are Josh and Hannah.

They're going to come around tomorrow so you can meet them and get a feel for them, because I KNOW you'll feel better about the whole idea if you get to suss them out in person before they're responsible for all our shit for a night.

And if you don't feel comfortable with them, then I'll try and find someone else, okay? So don't let your anxiety tell you that it's either be okay with these specific people or not going to the party at all. That's not the case. That's a false dichotomy. Or whatever. Did I use that phrase right?

ANYWAY. We've still got a couple of days to figure it out, so don't stress out too much. I mean, worst case scenario, I can try throwing around some luck magic and see if we can find a solution that way.

I love you, and we're going to have a great time at Victor and Michael's party. I promise.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sleepy] Hey. Just wanted to leave you a [Yawn] bedtime voicemail.

Thank you for getting Josh and Hannah to come meet me today. You're right, I feel a lot better about the whole idea having actually met them.

I still... I still feel weird about it. It'll be the first time the people behind the bar aren't like... us, or our people, you know? But I guess... there was a first time for when Victor was alone with the bar, and a first time for Helen, too, so... yeah.

I don't know why I'm struggling so much with tiny changes lately. First the idea of Michael moving out freaked me out, and then I got upset in the supermarket the other day when they didn't have my usual muesli, and now the idea of having someone different look after the bar while we're gone is freaking me out.

I don't know why I'm like this. [Chuckle] Well, I mean, I know I'm an anxious mess. But I don't know why I'm being more of an anxious mess than usual lately.

[Yawns] I love you. Thank you for dealing with this anxious mess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane. Babe. Honey. Sweetie.

Please tell me you're joking about not knowing why you're an extra anxious mess lately.

Like... c'mon now. Do I need to spell it out? You're still struggling with everything that happened. With the bigots, with the vandalism, with the hate crimes, and how it ended... it doesn't matter that you don't regret it, or that it's over, or any of that. It's still left an impression.

I mean, even you said that you feel sick when you try and use magic now, because it reminds you of what you did.

Horrible things happened to people we care about, and you did something that was really upsetting for you to do, and you're hurting over it. That's like... really, truly, very understandable.

Of course you're anxious. You're still dealing with everything that happened.

We all are. Just because it's over, doesn't mean it's over, you know? There's still a lot of dust that hasn't settled yet. I don't think this kind of thing ever just... heals over immediately. It kind of scabs up first, you know? And then, if we're lucky, the scar will be small, and not really noticeable. But... when the wound is as big as this one? Scarring might be inevitable.

I mean... I know even I'm... different, now. I'm jumpier. Angrier. Not like... not like angry-angry. Just like... I don't know. Like I'm simmering. Like it takes less, now, to set me off. Like I'm more willing to get angry, more willing to jump to conclusions. If I get even a hint of anything that feels threatening now, it's like... I feel like a bloody frill neck lizard. Just... puff myself up and start running straight at people.

I don't, obviously. Mostly because... there haven't been any threats, not real ones. But I still feel it. Every time I hear Ricardo have a nightmare, my chest gets tight and my skin gets hot and it's like... my body is getting ready to fight.

Wait, is this what anxiety feels like? Because like... if so, this is bullshit, and I don't know how you manage to be so well put together with this as a big part of your life. Holy shit. You're even stronger than I thought you were. You're some kind of goddamn superman.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] Yeah, honey. That's... that's one of the ways anxiety can feel.

And... yeah. It's bullshit.

[Sigh] You're right. We're all healing. Or... trying to, anyway. Doing the best that we can. Putting the ointment on the scar, I guess.

What does healing even look like after something like this? I don't think I even know. Will we ever get back to the way we were beforehand, or... do we need to just get used to being something new?

I don't know. I guess we have to just... try and figure it out, ourselves.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hi, Kane, Jason... it's Michael.

I was chatting with Victor about when he moved out of the bar, and he said he left you both some long rambling voice messages, and well... I know you both love your voicemails very much so... I thought I'd follow the tradition. I... felt a little bit too strange about leaving separate ones for each of you, so... that's why I'm just leaving this at the bar's phone.

So here, I am. Fully unpack, in my new home. Somewhere a bit quieter, but still with a friend I love, and room to paint. There aren't as many magpies here as there were at the Best of Luck, but on the bright side, I think we have a pair of rainbow lorikeets nesting in a tree outside of building.

I wanted to say thank you. For letting me stay with you, obviously, but... for more than that. Thank you for encouraging me to keep painting. Thank you for your delicious breakfasts and evening card games. Thank you for the bandages, both on my body and in my heart.

You are both very dear to me, and while I could've done without the circumstances that brought me to you... nonetheless, I'm glad to call you my friends.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to the Big Gay Fiction Podcast for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 52 - We Just Live, After

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. I hope you're sleeping well.

Things are good downstairs today. There's a family here with this tiny happy baby, and it keeps making noises at everyone it sees. It's sooooo cute. I'm pretty close to offering its parents some free coffee just to get them to stick around a little longer? There's something about happy babies that just... really makes a room feel lighter, you know?

Anyway, I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I keep forgetting to bring this up when we're both awake - can we get new laundry hampers? The ones we're using take up heaps of space and it's starting to get annoying. Ikea trip to Monday sound good?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Also, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: We can definitely get new laundry hampers. While we're there I might pick up some other stuff too. I've put it into our calendar so we can't forget. I love you!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Quiet night tonight. Haven't had a customer in for a couple of hours, and there's still another one to go before closing time.

Everyone's asleep except for me, which is... nice, actually. Haven't had much alone time lately. Which isn't like... a PROBLEM, or anything. You know me, I love being around people. I basically feed off social energy.

But it's still nice to take a break every now and then.

I've been thinking about our magic. I know we haven't used it a lot since... well, you know. Just soothing, really, nothing else. And I mean, that's fine... it's not like we HAVE to use it or anything.

But... I think we're both a little bit... I don't know. Burnt out? Like... after everything that happened, it's kind of nice to not think about it for a while.

But... I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to fall into that way of thinking too long, you know? We've got this... power. We can use it to do good, to do better. Which is what we did before, and it's... it's what you wanted to do, and... it's what I want to do, too.

I don't think we should let it go, or... give it up. It's not like there's not still a lot of suffering and struggling out there, you know?

This isn't a movie. We didn't beat the bad guys at the end and live happily ever after. We just... live, after. And there's still a lot left to live through, and... we can make it better. Not just for us, but... for the people around us. For our community.

Anyway. Just something to think about. Love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Resigned] Hey. I know. I agree, even. I know we should pick it back up, we should... keep exploring it, try to get better at it, that sort of thing.

It's just... I don't know. Every time I brush up against it, I start feeling nauseous and panicky. I remember what I did, I remember how I felt, and I just... [Upset] I don't want to do that again. I don't want to have to feel that again.

[Deep Breath]

But, you're right. We should keep using it. We should learn more about it. And I mean... I'm not going to get over these horrific feelings if I just avoid it forever, am I? I need some of that... exposure therapy, or whatever.

[Sigh] The biggest problem with this plan is the same one that we started with ages ago. We don't know what the fuck we're doing and we don't have anyone to teach us.

[FX: Door Opens]

Ah, someone just came in. We'll talk about this later. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail. I... should really be sleeping right now, but... I'm restless.

I've been putting some thought into the whole "we don't know what the hell we're doing" problem. I did some more googling but... once again, can't find anything like what we can do. I found some books that might contain SOMETHING useful, so I ordered a couple. Hopefully they can shed some light, or at least... point us in a direction? I don't know.

In case they don't... I think maybe we should consider... telling someone. About what we can do. Maybe see if we can find someone who knows how it all works. I mean... for all we know, there's like... some kind of cool queer witch coven that we just haven't figured out how to contact yet, you know?

[Quietly] Damn. I hope there's a cool queer witch coven. That'd be awesome.

Anyway... I just feel like we're starting to approach the limit of what we can figure out on our own, you know? Maybe we should think about being a bit more open about it. At least with SOMEONE. I mean... we can't be the only people in the world who can do this stuff, right? That's just... incredibly unlikely.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. So... I know we talked about this earlier, but... in light of that last voicemail you left me, I just wanted to remind you of some stuff when you wake up tomorrow.

First of all, exposure therapy only works if you feel safe. If you're still feeling wobbly about magic, then... we gotta take it really, really slow, okay? I don't want you to try and push past your comfort level just because you think you have to, okay? We've got time. We can take this as slowly as we want. We can just keep using what we already know for now, rather than trying to branch out, if that's easier.

I mean... having said that, if learning and experimenting is what makes you feel more able to handle it then... I guess we'll do that.

Basically what I'm saying is that you can set the pace on this, okay?

And... yeah. That means that if you think we should tell someone? We'll tell someone. Because, you're right. We can't be the only people who can do this stuff.

Also, fuck me. I hope there's a cool queer witch coven. I will fucking cover myself in blood and glitter, and roll around on an altar or whatever just to get in on that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Exuberant] Kane!! It's Victor! I got the apartment! Michael and I can move in next week!

Oh, thank you so much for helping me with the application. I'm pretty sure you're the main reason that we got it.

Oh man. I'm so excited! I'm going to live so close to you guys, in a nice little cozy flat with no goddamn lawn to mow... it's going to be so good!

I gotta go, I gotta go sign the lease. I'll see you at work later, okay? Thank you so much!

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Patti Glad for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 51 - Ricardo's Fear

ROSLYN: This episode of Love and Luck contains content including surviving homophobic violence and the experience of post traumatic stress disorder. Please, take care of yourself.

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey honey. For what it's worth, I think maybe you should talk to Ricardo about your weird anxiety over Michael leaving. If he's worrying about not being welcome here, hearing that you feel sad about the idea of any of our boarders leaving might help a bit in a way that emotional soothing and factual statements can't, you know?

And he is, by the way. Still worrying. We had another chat before he went to bed. So... yeah. I did actually already mention that you were feeling sad about Michael leaving, and I was glad Ricardo would still be around, and he seemed kind of cheered up by that. So yeah. You should talk to him about it too. It might help both of you.

God, I'm tired. Looking forward to crawling into bed with you. G'nite.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Unsure] Hi, Jason. It's Ricardo. I... you said I could call you and leave you a message if I needed to talk but no one was around, so... I'm taking you up on that.

It's five in the morning, and the only people up are me and the magpies. And while I've definitely poured my heart out to them before at various points in the last few weeks, I'm never sure if they understand me or not. So... I figured I'd give this a try instead.

I... feel kind of stupid talking into a voicemail, to be honest. But... I know you and Kane do it all the time, so... clearly it's something that can be learned. So I'm willing to give it a try. Especially considering I just...

[Depressed] I don't know, Jason. I feel like I'm made out of wet sand. Like any accidental push or gentle wave would completely disintegrate me. I feel weak.

I don't mean in that in a self loathing way. I mean it literally. I feel like I'll fall to pieces at even the slightest provocation. I've felt this way ever since it happened.

I mean.. you remember how I was in hospital. I couldn't handle the idea of you leaving, because then I'd be completely alone, and I just couldn't deal with that.

[Apologetic] I'm... I'm sorry about that, by the way. I know you stuck around for me, and it couldn't have been easy on you. I just realized that I don't think I've ever explicitly thanked you for that.

[Sincerely] So... thank you. Thank you for being there with me when I had no one else, not even myself.

How long do voicemails last? I'm going to hang up and call back again so this doesn't cut out, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Calmly] Me again. Hi.

So... yeah. Thank you for being there for me in hospital. And for being there for me when I got out of hospital. I know I kind of...

[Downhearted] [Sigh] I know I cling to you. I... I'm sorry. I just... I don't know. You were there, and you were kind, and I could tell you cared about me, and... I don't know, Jason. I don't know.

I'm not used to people caring about me. Not like that. Not like this. I'm used to being alone, and struggling through it, but then you were there and I wasn't alone. And I haven't been alone since. And now that I know what that feels like, I just... I don't want to go back to being alone.

I feel safe here. I feel protected here. That's why I'm so scared of overstaying my welcome. I don't... I can't handle the idea that things might go bad and you wouldn't see me again, or that I wouldn't be welcome back here.

[Distressed] I feel so afraid, Jason. All the time! I'm never not afraid anymore! I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of being back in hospital, I'm afraid it will happen again!

Every time I step outside, I remember lying on the doorstep. I remember being dragged there, I remember angry men shouting at me. I remember how much it hurt when they started beating me, and I was begging them to stop until I couldn't speak any more. I remember how loud the ambulance siren was, and how bright the hospital lights were. Doctors shouting at me and nurses manhandling me, and needles and tubes sunk into my body.

I remember you holding my hand.

[Tearful] I remember when you first slept on the floor and I couldn't see you, so I didn't know where you were, and I woke you up because I was crying and looking for you. And then you were there again, still there, telling me I'd be all right and that you weren't going anywhere.

[Crying] I could have died. I nearly died! I didn't want to die alone. I don't want to die alone!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Calm...ish] Hey, uh... sorry. Sorry for that last message.

I just... I don't think I've... really let myself think too hard about it all since it happened. Not really. I've been focusing so hard on getting through it and healing physically and trying to run away from it and move on that... I never took the time to just sit with it. To just... sit with what happened.

I think... I think I finally started to really think about it today, when I was talking with Helen and Michael. We all went through it. We all knew what it was like.

It was... good, in a weird kind of way. To feel the hurt together. It made me feel less alone. I think it made us all feel less alone.

I'm sorry. I'm okay. Don't freak out when you get that last message. I'm... fine. Or... something like fine. I think I will be fine. Eventually.

[Relieved] I'm glad I decided to give this voicemail thing a try. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for being here.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Ricardo. I'll talk to you when you get up, but, until then, I just wanted to say... I'm really glad that talking it out helped, and that you're feeling a bit better now.

But mostly I just... [EMOTIONAL] I'm really glad you're here, Ricardo.

I really love you, actually? You're like family to me now, and... I hate what brought you here, but... I'm really glad you made it through and that you're here with us.

You're not alone anymore, Ricardo. We're here. I'm here. I'm always here. Even if I'm not physically here, I'm... I'm always here on the other end of the line.

Thank you for trusting me. And... thank you for being here, too.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Michelle Nickolaisen for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 50 - Housing and Healing

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [serious] Hey, Kane. So... my sharehouse is breaking up, which sucks, but it's fine. I'm calling because there's a really nice little apartment not far from the Best of Luck Bar that I'm really keen for, and... well, I was wondering if you guys would be willing to give me a hand with the application? I don't really know what I'm doing, and... I could really use some help. Yeah. Uh, Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. It's just past three, I've closed up for the night, and I've just sent Ricardo back to bed. He was really upset. Apparently he hasn't been sleeping very well. He keeps having nightmares, and when he's awake he's always on edge, and... well, he was worried that he was wearing out his welcome with us.

I told him that's ridiculous. I reminded him that I told him when he came here that he could stay as long as he needed and I stand by that. I'm just... I'm not sure he believes me. And I don't know how to make him believe me.

[Sighs] When you see him tomorrow, could you reassure him that he's still welcome here? Maybe if we just... tell him enough times, maybe it will sink in. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [serious] Hey. I talked to Ricardo this morning, and yeah, I reassured him that he's welcome here, and that he can stay as long as needed. But... yeah, I don't know if he believed me.

Even if he doesn't, though, I think we should keep reminding him every so often. Just so he has some evidence to fight the brain weasels with, you know?

[Sighs] I love you. I hope... I hope he can start to feel a bit safer here. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, just a quick one from me tonight. It's been a busy night. Lots of folks in and out.

We sold like... five of Michael's paintings tonight, though, which is awesome. Bunch of art enthusiasts dropped in on their way to something else. [chuckles] I don't think they even knew that we're a queer bar, actually. I mean, it clearly didn't bother them, but... I don't know, they kind of stood out, you know?

[yawn] Ugh. Okay, that'll do me, I'm knackered. I'm gonna come cuddle up to you now. Hopefully I won't wake you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey.

[Sighs] It's... hard down here today. Ricardo and Michael and Helen are all huddled together, talking about what happened to them last month. We don't have too many customers right now, so I'm trying to encourage said customers to sit further away from our boarders, so they have a bit of privacy I guess.

I'm trying not to interfere, either. I think they need each other right now, people who went through the same thing. Not well meaning papa bears hovering around them.

[distressed] I can't... I don't know, Jason. Even though I was here for everything that happened, even though I saw it, I saw them, I looked after them... in some ways I just can't grasp it, you know? I don't... I can't know how it was for them. What it was like to be attacked like that, what it was like to be afraid like that... I had the tiniest glimpse of it when that brick hit you, and that nearly crushed me.

I just wish... I wish it had never happened.

[Sighs] I should go. Victor's probably going to be here soon. I'm going to help him out with his rental application. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, so, housing update. While Victor and I were filling out his application for this apartment, Michael was chatting with Victor about it. And, well... whether it's this flat or another one, it looks like Michael's going to leave us to move in with Victor.

It's good. It is. Michael wants to live somewhere quieter, and he wants to open up his room here in case we need to take anyone else in who needs it. So... it's good.

I just... I have mixed feelings. I love having Michael here. I love talking with him and seeing him paint and having him be a part of the bar, you know?

I feel like... empty nested, or something. Eileen headed home and now Michael's looking to move out, and... I don't know. I'm probably being silly. Helen's still here, Ricardo's still here, Tom and Brandon are still here. It's not like everyone is leaving all at once.

And anyway... even Victor, and Sarah and Mira, they all come back and hang out with us, so even when people have moved out, it's not like we never see them again.

And I mean, shit. People end up with us because they don't have anywhere else. So if they do have somewhere else, that's a good thing. That's a fucking good thing. I should stop being selfish about it.

[Firmly] Yeah. I'm probably just being silly and selfish. [Sighs] Ignore me. I'm clearly having a weird anxiety reaction. I love you. I'll see you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Aw, Papa Bear. It's okay to have mixed feelings about people you love moving out of home. You can be happy for them and sad they're going, that's okay. It's not like... You know, one doesn't cancel out the other one, okay?

I love you. Maybe you can bake a cake and we'll have a little moving out party for Michael before he goes. Something to help smooth the transition, you know?

I love you. I love you and your big, big heart so much.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Eileen Haggerty for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 49 - Pat's Birthday Cake

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: [cheerful] Hey guys, it's Eileen. I'm safe and sound back home, and I just wanted to say thank you again for letting me crash with you for a while.

I miss you all a little bit already, but I have to admit, it's nice to sleep in my own bed again.

I'll be back again to see you soon, probably next week. I'm looking forward to learning more about tea from Helen.

[Sincerely] And... thanks, guys. While I wish it was under better circumstances, I'm really glad I met you all.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey Kane. I hope you're sleeping soundly.

I've been popping upstairs to check on you every hour or so, and... you SEEM to be okay, but...

I'm worried about you. I feel like your panic attacks have increased in frequency since... well. You know. Magically forcing a lot of fear and anger into a bunch of bigoted people's brains.

Which... I wish you didn't have to carry that. I know it weighs on you.

Sometimes I see you stop focusing and just... zone out for a bit, and... then when you come back you frown and take a deep breath and it's pretty clear you're wrestling with something... Painful.

I wish I could go back in time and take that bullet for you. I wish I could do more than just soothe you.

I love you, my sweet boyfriend. My gentle and kind boyfriend. I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you carry this weight, okay? Anything you need. If I can do it I will.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Things are good downstairs this morning. Everyone is cheerful and it's a really nice day outside.

I did end up sleeping pretty well actually. No waking up in a panic, which was nice.

Speaking of which... Jason? Soothing me is no small thing.

I don't think I'd be handling this well-- or, you know, AT ALL-- if you weren't here to soothe me.

Because... you're right. Sometimes I fall into this hole inside me, where I start wondering if it was really acceptable to do what I did. Wondering what those people are doing now, and if they've been permanently hurt by it?

99% of the time? I still don't regret it. It was self defense. I was protecting you, and me, and all of our people.

But that last 1%? That's... hard. That last 1% is when I start questioning if self defense is ever really an acceptable reason. And that's... I don't know, Jason. During that 1% of the time, I don't know.

So... yeah. Soothing me is no small thing. I'm honestly not sure that I'd be able to function without your support right now. Or, even if I could, I'd probably be a huge mess.

Which... I guess I am still a bit of a mess right now, but... trust me, nothing compared to what I'd be without you.

I love you. Thank you for looking after me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, can you wake me up early tomorrow? I need to go shopping for something for Pat's birthday. I have no fucking idea what to get them, so, like, please feel free to make suggestions when you rip the blankets off me.

Well... maybe don't make the suggestions RIGHT at that moment. Maybe give me a few minutes to be a person again first, rather than just a manifestation of sleep.

So, yeah: blankets, return to human form, then gift suggestions.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [brightly] Good morning! I'm very much looking forward to getting to rudely awaken you! By your own request, even! Such a rare pleasure!

It is such a wonderful opportunity, I'm actually going to give you the gift of getting to relive it later! That's right! I'm going to do it right now, while I'm on the phone!

[Door opens]

Into the room we go... aww, look at you! You're so cute! A cute, sleep angel! [louder] Time to wake up, sleepy angel! Wakey wakey! You have birthday shopping to do!

JASON: [groans]

KANE: C'mon handsome! Time to get up and at 'em! Upsey daisy!

JASON: [grumbles louder]

KANE: No time for grumbling! C'mon! Let me help you with that blanket...

JASON: [whines loudly]

KANE: [laughs] C'mon sleep monster. Time to return to human form. You've gotta go shopping. Are you ready for suggestions yet?

JASON: [groans sleepily]

KANE: Well, you better get ready! C'mon! Get lively! Get excited!!

JASON: [grumpy and sleepy] Why are you like this?

KANE: Because you asked me to be! Also because I love you! Also because Pat deserves a nice birthday present! Are you ready for those suggestions yet?

JASON: [whiny grumble]

KANE: [laughs] I'm going to take that as a yes.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: SHOPPING CENTRE AMBIENCE]

JASON: Oh my god, why did I think Chadstone was a good idea, Kane? I've been here for an hour and I want to DIE.

Ugh. Anyway. I was actually calling to ask you something before I forget. Can you write down a cake recipe for me? I know you offered to make Pat's birthday cake yourself, and I appreciate that, but I also kind of want to try and do it myself.

Mostly to prove I can, because Pat sent me a VERY snarky text about my cooking skills, and I need to defend my honour and prove them wrong.

I mean, I definitely have garbage cooking skills, but I figure if YOU write me the instructions, then maybe I can successfully make something edible. And it's not cheating, because it's just using a recipe!

Wait, that IS not cheating, right? No, of course it's not cheating, that'd be ridiculous. It'd only be cheating if you helped me do the actual baking.

ANYWAY. Please write me a cake recipe. Maybe that carrot cake you made last month? Pat really liked that one.

Ugh, okay, I should get back to shopping. Why did I do this to myself? Next year, remind me to just shop online a month beforehand like a normal person!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [amused] Cake recipe written down and waiting for you on the fridge in the kitchen for whenever you get to it.

I have to say, I'm pretty excited to find out what a Jason-made cake is like, considering I don't think you've made a cake in like... the entire time I've known you.

I hope Chadstone isn't wearing you down too much. See you when you get home.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [sighs] Well, it's nearly five in the morning, but the cake is done!! I did everything JUST like your recipe said, and it LOOKS great, so I'm pretty sure it's going to taste great too. So Pat can suck it!

Love you! See you in a few hours!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Morning honey, just wanted to say congratulations on your cake, it does indeed look great. I'm sure Pat will love it.

All's good downstairs this morning. I'll see you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: LISTEN. I love you, but I have to speak in my defence!

I JUST checked our pantry, and YOU stored the salt and the sugar in the EXACT SAME TYPE OF CONTAINER, and the labels are SO WORN DOWN that I didn't even SEE THEM.

So I am NOT fully to blame for what happened to that cake. YOU SHARE EQUAL BLAME IN THIS. The dry retching of many birthday party guests rests on BOTH our shoulders!!!

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Tina Dearing for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 48 - Justice

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Frantic] Jesus Christ, Kane, please call me back. It's been over an hour now since you left your last message to me, and we're all really freaking out. Please let us know that you're okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey, Victor, it's me, Jason. We're... we're okay. Or... something like okay, anyway. We're headed back to the Best of Luck now.

We found the people who have been hurting us. They made us real quick, pelted a brick at me. It hit me, but it didn't do any real damage. But when Kane saw that, he... well, he lost his shit. He... well. It doesn't matter what he did. [Tired laugh] I've never seen anyone has terrified as those homophobes were, though. They literally pissed themselves. Literally! Pissed themselves! Then they dropped everything they were carrying, turned tail and ran away like frightened children.

I'm going to have a real fucker of a bruise, and Kane... he passed out for a couple of minutes from the exertion, but he woke up again and doesn't seem any worse for wear other than being exhausted, so... we're okay, and we're coming home. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Jesus christ, I take a five minute shower after spilling shit on myself and of course that's the time when you call. Kind of wish you were answering your phone right now but... if you're on your way home, then, I'll be happy enough with that for now.

I'm glad you're... well, mostly okay, from the sounds of it. But... I'm actually not surprised to hear that about Kane. Papa Bear's a gentle soul, but I've always gotten the impression he's a gentle soul in that way a guard dog is a gentle soul - real sweet and soft until you threaten the kids, and then you may as well have signed your own death certificate.

[Sighs] Well, everything's ready for you when you get home. Helen's already put the kettle on, and I've been hovering over this first aid kit pretty much since you left. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe... I've just tucked you into bed... and normally I wouldn't leave you a voicemail while you're sleeping next to me, but honestly, you look like you're out for the count, and I wanted to leave you a message while no one else could overhear it.

I'll need to head back out soon and... come up with something to tell the others, I guess. Not quite sure how to turn a magical event into a mundane one. Maybe I'll say you yelled at them or threatened them or something... I don't know. Just make non committal noises when you get up if they ask you about it before I have time to tell you what I told them, I guess.

I really hope sleep makes you feel better... that was one of the scariest moments of my life when you passed out. I know... or well, I know that we agreed that it's probably just exhaustion... I mean, we normally feel tired when we use magic, and you used like... a metric buttload of magic all at once, so it's not surprising, I guess. But Jesus Christ, it was scary.

[Sighs] God, I'm starving. I think I'm going to go eat, like, half the food in our kitchen. Then I'll probably come back here and fall asleep myself for a while.

I love you. We did a good thing tonight. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Exhausted] God, I feel hungover as hell. I'm glad you're still asleep. Last night was... Christ, I'm tired again even just remembering it.

I'm sorry for scaring you. I... probably should have tried to control my energy expenditure a little better. But when I saw that brick hit you I just... I couldn't handle it. I already wanted them to stop, I was already angry at them for everything they've done. But when I saw it aimed at you... it was like I stopped thinking clearly. Or... no. I was still thinking clearly. But I wasn't thinking in logical, linear steps any more. I was thinking purely in emotion, devoid of consequences.

And then... then I took that emotion, and I threw it at them. I wasn't even trying to, really, it just... I don't know how I did it. But I took all the anger and fear they made me feel and just... forced it back into their heads so it wasn't in mine any more. Like... you know how when we soothe each other, we sort of flow that into each other? It was like that, but more... more violent.

[Upset] God... I don't ever want to do that again. I don't ever want to feel that again. I don't ever want to be responsible for that again. I don't even... I can't even think about it without wanting to burst into tears. [Intake of breath]

I should... I should go eat something. Yeah. That'll help, right? Yeah.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: I should clarify... I don't regret it. If I had to do it again, I would. You're right. We did a good thing. We stopped them. We ended it. I know... I don't know how I know, but I know... they won't hurt anyone else ever again.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. I love you too.

[Hangup]

[SFX: News Music]

ANNOUNCER: Hello, I'm Oliver Smith with the four o'clock news. A group of people allegedly responsible for gay hate crimes around the suburbs of St Kilda and Prahran have published a sorrowful apology on youtube, today. The group confessed to a wide variety and number of crimes, including vandalism, hate speech, and assault.

The apology included an emphatic promise not only to never offend again, but to dedicate their time and money towards reparations for the LGBTIQA+ community, beginning with donations to several relevant community groups. The organizations named in the video have confirmed to us that they did, in fact, receive sizeable donations anonymously in the past twenty four hours.

The reason for their confession and apology is not clear, and the group have declined to respond to any press enquiries. As the video and its sources are anonymous, no one has been arrested at this time.

[Fading out] Victoria Police have asked if anyone has been a victim of these people, or suspect that they might have been, to please contact their nearest police department to discuss--

[Beep]

[Music: Soothing Music]

HELEN: Hey guys, this is Helen, um... I'm speaking on behalf of a whole bunch of us who live, work or play here at the Best of Luck Bar. We obviously have told you both this a lot in person, but, we also know that you both have a weird affection for voicemails, so I'm making sure that this is receivable in your favourite medium, at the front bar.

we, We all owe you so much. We all love you so much. You've taken care of us, you've loved us, and you've protected us. You've welcomed us into your home and lives and you've nurtured us with a love and gentleness some of us haven't felt in our whole adult lives. And now, with the resolution of these hate crimes, you've made us feel more safe and supported than we ever have.

Most of us... we never thought anyone would stand up for us. We never thought anyone would care about us. We were all just trying to survive, and never thought we'd have a chance at trying to thrive. But you've given us a solid foundation that makes us feel safe.

Not only have you protected us, but you've made us feel that we're worth protecting. You've made us feel valuable. You've made us feel like we matter.

And we do matter. We always have, but we just... didn't know it, before. You made us realize it.

We just want you to know... that you both matter too. That you're both so important to us and to our community, and that we love you so much, and that you mean so much to us. We want you to know that we have your back whenever you need us, just like you've been there for us.

We just want to say, once again... thank you. We love you, Kane and Jason of the Best of Luck Bar. Our wonderful friends and guardians. Thank you for everything.

[Hangup]

[Music]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by Darby Turnbull. Helen is voiced by Yuki Izumi. News Anchor voiced by Ben Harberts. Additional sound effects supplied by Kyle Evans. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

We would also like to thank Mary Borsellino, whose support and editing insights helped shape Love and Luck's story all the way back at the beginning, and Jessie Ngaio, whose advice and support during this project has been invaluable.

Love and Luck was recorded at the Kathleen Syme Library and Community Centre, in Carlton, Melbourne.

We would like to acknowledge that Love and Luck was made on the stolen land of the Kulin Nation. It was written and is set on the land of the Boonwurrung People, and was recorded on the land of the Wurundjeri People. We pay our respects to Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Indigenous people who are listening. Sovereignty was never ceded. Australia always was, and always will be Aboriginal land.

With this episode, we come to the end of season one of Love and Luck. We hope you've enjoyed it!

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 47 - Hunting

ROSLYN: This episode of Love and Luck contains discussion of homophobic violence. Please, take care of yourself.

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey... it's good to have you home. I keep wandering upstairs just to make sure that you're really here. And you are, and you're sleeping, and sleeping well from the looks of it, too. Which makes sense, because I know you haven't slept well for the past few days, but also I want to kiss you a lot, so I kind of hope you wake up naturally soon.

Ricardo seems a little unsure of us all, but that's understandable. I imagine he'll feel better once you're up. Oh, well, except for Helen of course - everyone likes Helen, and Ricardo's no exception to that. She's having tea with him and the other boys.

So, also... [A bit quieter] I've been thinking about the bigots. I know you want to just gear up and go hunt them like we're the cavalry or something, but I don't think winging it is a wise decision. If we don't have a plan, then things might go badly, and I... I don't think I'd handle that very well. I can't even really handle thinking about that. I already don't want what happened to Ricardo happening to anyone else, but I especially can't handle the idea of it happening to you. Seriously, I don't think I'd cope with that at all.

Anyway... yeah. We should come up with a plan when we get a chance, tonight or tomorrow.

I love you. I hope you wake up soon so I can kiss your face.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: So... unsurprisingly, sleeping as early as I did means I'm awake as hell now. Now I'm the one sadly looking at you in bed and wanting to kiss you but not wanting to wake you up. I mean... not right this second, obviously, because if I was talking while you were sleeping, then I'd probably wake you, and I'm trying not to do that.

I've actually stepped outside for some air for a bit. Also because out here I can talk about magic stuff without anyone overhearing. It's fortunate that none of our boarders are smokers, hah.

So... we didn't really get a chance to plan anything today. Too many other things and people happening around us. So I thought I'd use this quiet moment to do a sort of... count, I guess, of what we know we have the ability to do, and maybe we can go from there.

We know we can affect people's emotions. That's something pretty solid we know how to do. We also know we can affect... I guess "luck" is the best thing to call it. Even our wards are built on both those things as a foundation... combining likelihoods with emotional effects.

Other than that... I don't know. I don't think we've got anything else, magically speaking. I feel like we should have a much better handle on this after, what, two years of practise? But then again, it's not like there's a textbook or class or something for this shit... we've just been figuring it out as we go.

I mean... it's possible we can do other shit? But... we don't know how, or what, so... we probably shouldn't count on it.

[Sighs] I don't know, babe. It's not much. Maybe we'd be better off just using a baseball bat.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey... looks like you got to sleep again, though you'll probably wake up again in a little while anyway. When you do, I reckon we eat some food and then head out.

You're right about our magic... it's not much, but it's still something. I mean... we already established we're pretty sure we can find them. You found the bar by stumbling across it with magic, without knowing anything about it. We actually do know something about one of these fucks, and we know what kind of attitudes they hold and what kinds of effects they want to have on our area, so... I think we should be able to make ourselves magically lucky enough to find them without too much trouble.

What we do once we find them, however... [Sighs] Yeah, I'm not really sure. I'm kind of betting all our money on the emotional magic card. I figure... or, I hope, I guess is more accurate, that we can make them just... stop hating us. Make them go home and never do it again. Because honestly... that's all I want from this. I don't want to get into a fight or whatever, I just want this violence to stop.

[sigh] Having said that... maybe you should bring the baseball bat too, just in case things go bad. I mean, we can hope they don't, but... it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey Papa Bear, it's Victor. Listen, we're all a bit lost here without you both. Ricardo's been pretty upset, and Helen's looking after him, but she's kind of shaky, too. We're all on edge, to be honest. I know you guys want to find the people who did this and put a stop to it but... I mean, how do you even plan to do that? You weren't exactly clear on your plan when you left. There's got to be a better way than this.

Look, even if you don't come back right now, at least let us all know you're okay. We're all really worried, and we don't want what happened to Ricardo, or Michael, or Helen to happen to you two. So call me back, okay? Okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Victor, it's me. We're okay, don't worry. We're still looking for them. Jason's sort of taken the lead, he's better at this sort of stuff than I am. Uh... you know, like, asking people for help, and looking for clues, and uh... stuff like that. Yeah.

Anyway, look, we're not coming back until either we're done or we're exhausted, but we will come back, so don't worry about us, okay? We'll be okay. We're just making sure this shit doesn't continue. [SFX: Shouting] We said we'd look after you guys and that's what we're doi--

[SFX: Bottle breaking]

JASON: (Background) Ow!

KANE: Oh my god! Jason!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Kane? Kane?? Kane!!! I've dialled like three times and you're not picking up. Are you okay? What happened? Call me back as soon as you get this!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Jason! Jason, it's Victor. Please, call me back as soon as you get this! We need to know you're okay!

[Hangup]

[Music]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by Darby Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 46 - Catalyst

ROSLYN: This episode of Love and Luck contains references to transphobic violence. Please, take care of yourself.

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, good news! Ricardo's being discharged tomorrow, so I have only one more night of sleeping on this shitty hospital floor!! Then we'll both being coming home!! And then I'm going to have a proper night's sleep in my proper bed and it's going to be the best fucking night of my life!! Because oh my god, I miss our bed.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey! I'm so glad you're coming home!! Everyone else is too, there was an actual cheer from the bar when I let them know.

Also, Helen's going to be crashing in our lounge area for a few days while Eileen is with us, so that Eileen can stay in her room, and we still have the free bedroom for Ricardo. It'll just make it easier for him, rather than trying to juggle everyone around once he gets here. I didn't ask her to do that, by the way, but I'm sure you figured that out already. Girl's too good for this world.

We're finishing up setting up the room for Ricardo today - okay, actually, Victor, Michael and Brandon are finishing setting up the room for Ricardo. I've been banned because they're worried about my bad back. No one's even lifting anything heavy! They're just shuffling a few things around and making sure the bed is made and all that sort of thing! Ah well... they mean well, so I don't really mind that much.

God, I'm so happy you're coming home. I miss you so much. Seeing you for lunches and a few minutes here or there when I run errands just isn't enough... I have gotten used to having you around almost all the time. Time apart these days is just hell.

[sigh] I love you so much. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Panicked] Jason? Jason, please, call me back when you get this. Helen's hurt.

Not badly, she's just got some cuts and bruises, but... fuck. They--they were waiting for her. They followed her. They chased her. Threw bottles at her.

She's--she's okay, I mean, she's not okay, but she's safe now. Once she got back to the bar and got inside they ran off and left her alone. The wards at least kept them out and ran them off. But... but they still chased her. They still got to her. They still hurt her.

I can't--I'm not handling this very well. Please, call me back as soon as you get this. Fuck.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane? I'm on my way home right now. Call me back if you want, but I'm already coming. I'll see you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Everything's okay, no new horrible thing has happened, I just... I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd give you a call. Thank you for coming home tonight. I... when I saw you come through the doors, it was like I could breathe again. Thank you.

Helen's sleeping okay, thank god. I'm glad you were okay with putting her in our bed for tonight. I just... I needed to know she was safe. If something worse had happened to her, I...

[Intake of breath] Okay, no... no, I'm not going to get worked up again. She's okay, she's safe, she's sleeping.

I love you. I hope Ricardo's doing okay. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. I still can't sleep.

I've been hanging out downstairs for the past couple of hours. Thinking, mostly.

[Quiet, serious] I think... I think that you were right. When you said that we should bash back. I mean, I know you didn't say that exactly, but I think... you were right. To do good in this situation, we need to consider a more aggressive move.

I still don't want to be violent. But... they're targeting us, specifically now. They targeted Helen. Helen! Of all the fucking people in the world, for it to be her...

If we can't even set foot outside the bar without having to fear for our safety and the safety of our people, then... even if the answer is violence, or even potential violence, then I need to accept that.

I think... I think I let myself prioritize my discomfort over people's safety. I shouldn't be allowed to do that. That's not... that's not doing good. That's a cop out. That's an attitude that left Helen vulnerable tonight.

We can't let them get away with this any longer. If we have the means to end it, then we should use them. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I don't know what what we'll do, exactly, or how we'll go about it, but that's something we can figure out together.

I love you. I'm sorry for not accepting the truth of the situation until now.

We'll finish this.

[Hangup]

[Music]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Kalila Stormfire's Economical Magick Services; The Initiate Files: Case Four

This episode takes place between episodes 45 and 46 of Love and Luck.

[FX: Beep]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Congratulations. You have won a free tarot reading from [Kalila's voice] "Kalila Stormfire". You will be receiving an email with the necessary contact information. If you are overseas, no phone fee applies. Please call [Kalila's voice] "Kalila" directly for further information. Thank you and again, congratulations.

[FX: Dial Tone]

[FX: Pickup]

KANE: Uh... hi, is this Kalila Stormfire? This is Kane Baxter, I just got a message that I won a free tarot reading from you? Which is kind of weird, because I have an ad blocker on my computer, but... well, it’s not the first time my luck has been a little... exceptional.

Um... this actually came at a really good time. I say that because... I could really use a sign or something, right now. I have this... issue, that I’m struggling with, and... maybe you can help.

Without going into too much detail, I’m starting to wonder if I’m letting my own feelings and anxieties get in the way of doing what’s right. Or... what might be right. [Sigh] It’s hard to explain. Is it okay if I don’t tell you exactly what the problem is? It’s a bit... sensitive. Anyway, um... let me know when it’s most convenient to set up the reading? I know you’re in the U.S., so with the time difference and all we might be better off just exchanging voicemails, or even just over email or something? Thanks.

[FX: Hangup]

[FX: Beep]

KALILA: Hi Kane! Uh, this is Kalila Stormfire, uh wow, I-- I set that contest up...like when I first started doing tarot readings. Years ago. Man, I thought I'd never get a call, let alone all the way from Australia! I’ve always wanted to visit. Sorry, I mean I am very happy to help or at least get the cards to help. So since you have a specific problem, there’s a 4-card spread I like to use. The first card represents the problem, the second card for how you normally handle the situation, third card for what you’re not seeing about the situation, and last card describes what you need to know about this situation. Give me a call back and let me know what works for you and/or if you want another type of spread. Also, it’s totally fine if you don’t want to tell me exactly what’s going on. The cards will know. And I'll do my best to get the answers that are most helpful to you. Looking forward to hearing from you.

[FX: Hangup]

[FX: Beep]

KANE: Hi Kalila! Thank you so much for getting back to me. Yeah, that 4-card spread sounds exactly like it would work for what I’m struggling with. No rush of course, but I would appreciate if you could do the reading soon. Thank you again.

Oh, and, let me know if you’re ever in Melbourne. I’ll shout you a coffee.

[FX: Hangup]

[FX: Beep]

KALILA: Hello Kane, this is Kalila. I am leaving this voicemail with the reading now and I’ll send you the pictures of the spread over email tomorrow if that’s alright with you. I wanted to make sure I could get you your answers as soon as I could. Okay. So your first card, the card about the problem you are dealing with is represented as The Chariot - It means a choice between a retreat or an onward movement; it symbolises the quintessential question of should I stay the path or should I go on a different one? You're probably thinking "how do I move through this problem?"

The second card is about how you normally deal with this type of problem is the Nine of Swords - this card represents a feeling of anxiety or worry about the future, a constant feeling that everything might be lost.

The third card, which is about what you might not be seeing about this situation comes up as The Hanged Man - now, this means a change in perspective is needed to gain wisdom. It also might mean sacrificing something that no longer serves you or literally taking an as-hereto unknown perspective.

The last card, the fourth card, which is what you, Kane, need to know about this conflict comes up as the Nine of Wands - You need to know what your internal strength, purpose, or resiliency is rather than seeing the dichotomy of strength as an outward physical strength. For example, some people get stuck at the "be more aggressive" versus "be pacifist" about a situation, um, and seeing it as a conflict, which in fact it's a false dichotomy. Ask yourself, what is your core strength?

That’s all I have for you. I hope it helps. Take care, Kane. And good luck.

[FX: Hangup]

[FX: Beep]

KANE: Hi. Wow.

That reading was... very on point in a lot of ways. I’ve never really considered myself a very strong person, but... well, you’re giving me a lot to think about.

Thanks, Kalila. I appreciate your insight. This does help, I think. I mean... I hope it does.

Either way, thank you so much. If you ever need referrals, just let me know. I know I’m way out on the other side of the world but I’m happy to return the favor any way I can.

Take care of yourself too, Kalila. As for good luck... I think I’ll be okay on that. So... I’ll make sure to send some your way, too, okay?

[FX: Hangup]

[MUSIC: The Kalila Stormfire theme plays]

CREDITS: Kalila Stormfire was played by Lisette Alvarez, Kane was played by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. I want to thank Lee and Erin Kyan from the Love and Luck Podcast, for collaborating with me on this mini-episode. You can listen to Love and Luck, a story about two, wonderful, magical men, falling in love, at loveandluckpodcast.com, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening

[MUSIC: The Kalila Stormfire plays out]

Episode 45 - What To Do?

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, are you still at the hospital? I hope Ricardo is doing well. I miss you. Do you think you'll be coming home soon?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, it's me. I'm going to stick around a little longer. Ricardo's doing pretty well, but he's pretty emotionally fragile, which is understandable.

I'm going to stick around until he's discharged, I think, and then I'll probably bring him home with me. He doesn't want to be alone right now, which makes sense. I asked if he had family or something, but he just shook his head and didn't want to talk about it, so I dropped it.

I don't, uh... I don't know where we'll put him exactly, when I bring him home, since once Eileen gets there, all our spare bedrooms are taken... but I'm sure we'll figure something out.

I miss you too. Seeing you for less than an hour just every now and then when you have time to come by is hard. [Sighs] Sorry for being gone so long. I just... I don't know. I feel like being here is really important, somehow. Like... if I didn't stay here with Ricardo when he needs someone, what's even the point of the bar, of trying to make the world better, if I can't sacrifice a few nights in my own bed for someone who's been through something so horrible, you know?

I love you. Talk soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, it's okay. I mean, I miss you. I miss you like hell. But I get why you're sticking around there. And I mean... it's not exactly easy to be upset about "oh, my boyfriend is such a good person he wants to be there for someone who's gone through something traumatic".

[Sighs] I really do miss you though.

Oh, Pat came by today and dropped off some lollies they made, which was really nice. They said they'd probably drop by the hospital with some for you and Ricardo, too, so keep an eye out for them.

Okay, I gotta go be a responsible adult now and like, take care of my customers. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, Helen offered to watch the bar for an hour or two so I could come have lunch with you, so I'm on my way now. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Yep, it's official, I definitely miss you even more when I see you briefly than when I haven't seen you all day. Lunch felt like it only lasted two minutes rather than twenty. [Sighs] I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, just letting you know that Eileen got here safely. She's a bit tense, but she's having tea with Helen right now and they're having some kind of mutually calming effect on each other, which is good. I'm trying to add some magic to the soothing pot as well, so to speak.

Things are pretty good here, otherwise. Or, as well as they can be without you, anyway.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I'm glad Eileen got there okay, and that she hit it off well with Helen. But then again, who doesn't hit it off well with Helen?

Ricardo's sleeping better now, and actually sleeping rather than just dozing from all the drugs or whatever, so that's a really good sign.

You know... at some point, we're going to have to decide what to do about all this. We can't let this stand, we can't let this shit just... keep happening. We can't let these bigots keep hurting people. And, like I said, with Eileen's info, we now know enough about at least one of them that I reckon we can find him with magic.

We need to do something. The question is, what?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sounding tired] Hey... yeah. I know. I know we have to do something. Something more active. It's not enough to just clean up after the mess any more. We need to try and stop this shit before it happens.

I just... I just don't know what, though. I don't know how we could solve this. We could go to the police, I guess, but... I don't know, it's not like I've ever felt the cops are particularly on our side, when it comes to being queer, I guess. Plus there's Michael to worry about... I couldn't live with myself if he ended up in one of the detention centers.

What do you think? Because I... I have no idea.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I agree, I don't think cops are the best idea. I don't think it's a safe choice for us or our people, to be honest.

[Sighs] Look, babe. I know you don't want to use our powers to hurt people, I know that using magic for anything less than happy things upsets you. But... I think we should consider it. We've tried peaceful means. We've tried protecting people passively. And we've failed. There have been two gay bashings, there have been months of homophobic propaganda being posted all around our neighbourhood. People are scared, we're scared, and we're right to be.

We can't peaceful our way out of this, Kane. I think it's time to make an exception. To do the right thing, to do the good thing in this situation, I think we have to consider a more aggressive move.

There's precedent for it, in your mundanity rule, if it helps. Bashing back in order to secure the safety of our people isn't exactly an unheard of thing in queer history.

Just... don't say no immediately, okay? Give it some thought.

I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: No. Absolutely not. We can't be a part of the violence, Jason. That doesn't solve this, it just escalates it. No.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Sighs] Yeah. I had a feeling you'd say that.

[Hangup]

[Music]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 44 - Eileen

ROSLYN: This episode of Love and Luck contains discussion of homophobic violence. Please, take care of yourself.

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Dial Tone]

[Pickup]

JASON: Hello?

EILEEN: Hi, Jason? It's Eileen. Sorry I missed your call, I was on the clock at work.

JASON: That's fine, thanks for calling back so quickly.

EILEEN: Are they okay? The person who was bashed?

JASON: I... I guess so. He got through surgery okay, and he's drinking water, and they reckon he'll be eating again in a few hours, so that's a good thing. He's as okay as he can be, considering the situation.

EILEEN: Jesus... I can't believe this happened. It's so horrible.

JASON: Yeah. [Sighs] So, uh... you said you might know something about the people who vandalized us, right?

EILEEN: Yeah... look, it's... kind of scary. I went on a date with a guy I met online, right? His profile seemed interesting, but in person he was... ugly. Personality wise, I mean. Physically he was fine.

But half an hour into our date, he started talking about the sanctity of marriage, and the gay agenda, and the safe schools controversy... you know those sorts of awful things.

JASON: Fucking hell...

EILEEN: Right. Anyway... I kind of... nodded and tried to look for a safe way to leave, because any guy talking like this is absolutely the kind of guy that would murder me when he found out I'm trans, right?

Like I'm not super stealth or anything, but I don't advertise it, either. So he didn't know, because it's not on my profile. I tend to wait and tell people in person.

Anyway... he kept ranting. He ended up ranting specifically about this bar in St Kilda that was... well. You know. He used some nasty terms.

He told me that him and his friends had been "fighting back", trying to let "the gays" know that they weren't welcome here, and that they'd be better off dead, and... so on and so forth.

JASON: Fuck... it was him! Him and his friends were behind all the posters and shit?

EILEEN: Posters? I mean... I don't know anything about posters, I didn't ask for details, but yeah, I mean, I guess if that sounds familiar and matches up with things you've been seeing... I guess that was probably him and his mates.

I mean... when I got home after that date, I googled for gay bars in St Kilda, since that was the only thing he said about you, and I found your website, and the note you had on your facebook about the vandalism.

That's why I called you. Because this guy had basically been boasting to me that he'd been terrorising LGBT people, and so when I saw that you'd had your bar defaced it was... I mean, that can't be a coincidence, right?

JASON: No... no, I don't think that's a coincidence at all. Shit.

EILEEN: Yeah... um. That's pretty much all I know. I blocked him on everything after the date, and I didn't stick around for long during it, I pretty much left as soon as I could make a believable excuse.

JASON: Yeah, that sounds like it was a smart move. So what can you tell me about this guy?

EILEEN: Well... his name is Roman, he has a lizard tattoo on his left arm, like around the bicep.

Him and his friends are big into nightlife stuff, they go clubbing in the city like, every Thursday and Saturday. They go to different places a lot, but I know they really like Chapel Street, which is probably how they ended up in your neighbourhood.

He's a TAFE student, I think? I don't remember what he's studying, though. I don't know... he's just kind of... plain. He's in his mid twenties, white, he has short brown hair...

I don't really know what else I can tell you. He likes to play pool... he drives a little postie bike instead of a car.

I really... I don't really know what else to say, I can't think of anything.

JASON: That's fine, Eileen. That's still really helpful.

EILEEN: What do you think you'll do? Are you going to go to the police?

JASON: I... I don't know. I still need to talk about this with my partner before I do anything. I'm... I'm too hot headed for this shit. He's the level headed one.

Hey listen, Eileen, are you safe? You said on your message that you might need some help once you told us about this stuff.

EILEEN: I don't... I don't know. Like I said, I blocked him on everything.

It's not like there was a lot about me on my profile that makes me findable, but... he knows what I do for a living and he knows I live in Frankston, and he knows my name and what I look like... I don't know.

Do you think I should be worried?

JASON: I don't know. I wasn't there with you. Do you feel safe? Do you feel worried?

EILEEN: No... or... I don't know. Maybe? I am worried. I live alone, and I just... I don't know.

JASON: If you're worried and you don't have, like, pressing needs elsewhere, you're welcome to come crash with us for a little while. We've still got one bedroom free at the moment above the bar. It's a bit cramped, but it exists. And there's always someone around in the bar, so you'd always have company.

EILEEN: I'm really tempted to take you up on that, actually. Would it really be okay?

JASON: Yes, absolutely. Look, you have our address, right? It was on the website. Go there when you're ready. I'll tell Kane to expect you. He'll get you settled in.

EILEEN: Okay, yeah, okay, I think I will. Just for a little while. Thank you.

JASON: No, thank you. Eileen, you've really, really helped us with this.

EILEEN: I guess I'll see you at the bar sometime soon. I hope the guy in hospital is okay.

JASON: Yeah... me too. See you later.

EILEEN: Bye.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Kane? I called Eileen and she's on her way over to the bar at some point. She's going to crash with us for a little while. Call me back and I'll fill you in on what she told me, but the short version is we now know a little something about at least one of the fuckers that's involved in this. Enough that I'm pretty sure we could find him with our magic.

[Pickup]

[Music]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 43 - Ricardo

ROSLYN: This episode of Love and Luck contains discussion of homophobic violence. Please, take care of yourself.

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane, don't freak out when you get this message, okay? Listen all the way to the end before you have a panic attack.

I'm fine, but I'm at the hospital. I went outside to get some fresh air before I went to bed, and found this poor guy bleeding on the ground outside our bar. He wasn't super responsive, but I got his name - it's Ricardo - and he managed to tell me that some fucking arseholes starting beating him and shouting slurs and shit.

He got gay bashed, Kane. And the fuckers left him on our doorstep for us to find.

I called the ambos and sat with him till they arrived, trying to keep him awake, and now I'm here at the hospital waiting to see if he's going to be okay. He didn't want his family called, or any friends or boyfriends or anything so I just... I couldn't leave him alone. I couldn't. So I came with him.

I am fucking fuming. As if what happened to Michael wasn't enough... now this. These fuckers are clearly not going away with some gentle thoughts from us. This can't go on.

Can't do much about it right this second... I really want to make sure Ricardo's okay before I head home. So if I'm not there when you wake up, I'm probably still here at the hospital, okay? Don't worry, I am fine, I'm just sticking around to support Ricardo for a while. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Jesus fucking Christ, Jason, you could have woken me up for something like this! I nearly had a fucking heart attack when I listened to your voicemail! Look, just... I'm glad you're okay, but... fucking hell.

Do you want me to come to the hospital and bring anything, or something? Call me back as soon as possible, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Shit, missed your call, sorry. I was taking a nap. Hospital chairs and floors are not super comfortable, and then on top of that there's a thousand beeping noises.

Don't worry about coming here. Stay at the bar and take care of people there. I've got this.

Oh, I gave Victor a call and asked if he could cover me tonight if I'm still here and he said yes, so, he might be around later today if it looks like that might happen.

I'm really sorry I scared you. I... you're right, I should have woken you. I wasn't thinking very clearly. I'm really sorry. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey... fuck, figures that the one time when we actually want to answer each other's calls we keep missing each other.

Sorry for snapping at you. I'm just... I was just scared. It makes sense that you weren't thinking clearly. Sorry.

I'll stay here, but keep me updated on the situation, okay? I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. It's okay. This is an upsetting thing... it's okay that we're both kinda fucked up about it.

I love you too. Ricardo's in surgery right now. The doctor said he should be okay though, so that's really good news.

Normally I wouldn't be allowed to stick around for him, since I'm not family or whatever, but... I'm the only person here for him, and he really doesn't want to call anyone. He got really upset about the idea of me leaving, when one of the nurses mentioned it. He had a panic attack, actually. I helped him through it okay, it wasn't exactly like when you have them, but I think having seen you go through them a lot it made it a bit easier for me to help him calm down.

Worst job experience ever, by the way. If I ever get good at this magic shit I'm going to figure out how to magic panic attacks away, and then I'm going to figure out how to bottle that spell and I'm going to sell it and become a zillionaire while making the world a better place all at the same time.

[sigh] Anyway... I'll try calling you again in an hour or so if I don't hear back from you soon. I love you so much. Hug Helen and Victor for me. Stay safe.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sighs] Missed you again. I've taken my phone off silent, hopefully I'll hear next time you call. Oh, and hugs delivered to Victor and Helen. It made them both smile pretty damn big, which was a nice pick me up. They miss you too.

I hope Ricardo's surgery goes okay. Let me know how things go.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Fucking hell. We're really having the worst luck with catching each other right now.

Ricardo's still in surgery, but I'll let you know when he's out.

Hey, you know that voicemail we got at the bar from Eileen? She said she might know who vandalized our bar? I'm guessing that whoever did that is the same group of shitheads who bashed Ricardo.

I know she said she'd drop in on Thursday, but I'm going to give her a call today and see if she can help us out. Text me her number when you get this?

We need to know who did this. We need to know who to hold responsible.

I love you. We'll talk soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hi, Eileen? It's Jason Flint from the Best of Luck Bar, on my mobile. I'm just returning your call about the vandalism. We think the people responsible for that are also responsible for a gay bashing that happened just outside our bar. Anyway, if you can help us out at all, please return this call. My number is 0456 038 767. Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 42 - Repairs

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I love you. I'm glad you're finally asleep.

I'm so angry at whoever did this. I swear if I ever find the fuckheads who vandalized us, I'll vandalize their fucking faces. How dare they threaten us like this. How dare they deface our home. Fuck!!

At least they didn't cause any structural damage, and they didn't come inside. I'm guessing our wards were a big part of that. I think we might need to put some more magic into them though, not just keeping harm out but repelling it away, too. I'll try and do some of that tonight before I come to bed.

I love you. I won't let this happen again.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Low level anxious] Hey honey. Bruce is here, touching up the scuffs on the facade that we couldn't fix ourselves. I don't know how he heard about this, actually. I didn't call him. Maybe Victor did? I should ask.

Anyway... fuck, I can't wait for every last impression of this graffiti to be gone. It makes me upset just thinking about it... and I'm not alone in that, I think. I can see folks glancing over at the front of the bar with this worried expression. We're all a bit shellshocked. I don't think... I mean, the flyers were one thing, but I don't think we expected this type of thing to literally come to our front door. [Sighs]

Everyone is tense this morning. They're all putting on brave faces, things are going ahead as normal but... I don't know. This is just... it's just scary, I guess. It's one thing to be afraid of the world out there. But, to be afraid that it might come here... [sighs]

I can't really talk much about this, because there's people all around who could hear, but... yeah, thank you for what you did last night. I'll try and put some effort into it too, as well as the more mundane stuff.

I... I was going to make cupcakes again but I just don't think I have it in me, to be honest. I feel like my legs are stuck in mud. [Sighs] I don't know. I'm just... I'm pretty shook up, I guess.

I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Emotional] Helen heard me leave that last voicemail for you, and so she made cupcakes for everyone since I didn't feel up to it. She drew a heart on one of them for me...

Michael is playing board games with the kids to distract them from the facade work. Tom is running some kind impromptu book club with some of the stitch and bitch regulars. Brandon and Victor are helping out Bruce, and Helen is going around clearing tables.

I really... I really love all these people. I mean, I love them all anyway, but it's easy to love people when things are easy. When things are hard, like now, to still have everyone looking after each other and supporting each other... I don't know. It's just... it's very special. I'm glad we did this. I'm very glad to be a part of this.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Softly] Hey... bedtime voicemail as requested.

I feel a lot better tonight. This has been really scary but... everyone has been so good and uplifting, that I feel like... even if more bad things happen, we'll still be okay. We'll all look after each other. None of us are alone.

I think... when we began to take people in, when we began to treat Best of Luck Bar like a real sanctuary, not just a place to hang out... I think we forgot that sometimes we need support too. Sometimes we need a cupcake, or a hug, or a break. I began to think like... like we had to look after everyone, and that we somehow had to do that alone.

But... we're not alone. Everyone has been supporting us, and looking out for us, as much as we've been looking out for them. It's become this like, self fulfilling thing. We help people and then when we need help, they help us.

And I mean... today... all of today, all the good parts of today... happened without any magic. It was just us, and each other, all together. That's... [yawns] that's just really, really amazing and positive, you know?

Anyway... I'm going to sleep now. I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: Hello, my name is Eileen, I got your number off your website. I think I know who vandalized your property. I'll drop by on Thursday to talk to you about it, if that's all right - if not, just give me a call back and we'll organize another time. I'll drop you an email after leaving this message with my details.

[Uncertain, vulnerable] And... your voicemail greeting said you're a safe place, right? That you help people out? Because... I might need to take you up on that, once I tell you what I know.

Anyway... I'll see you Thursday, or will speak to you soon. Thankyou, Bye.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 41 - Vandalism

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. So, I was gonna close up, but then a group came in looking really upset. They said the posters are back... with some new, even more horrible things written on them, too, and they've been posted a lot closer to the bar.

Soothed them with some magic as best I could, and I've settled them all in the lounge area so they can crash for the night if they want to, so they may well still be here when you get up in the morning.

I am fucking pissed. I'm going to go out and do a quick circle around the block and rip down any of those fucking posters I find before I head to bed. Tomorrow me and my nellies will do a bigger sweep. And if I come across any of the fuckheads who are putting them up, I swear to god I will fuck them up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Folks are still pretty rattled this morning, unfortunately. I made everyone breakfast and I think I'm going to do free cupcakes again today. I know that seems to always be my fallback, but I just... I don't know. Cupcakes might not make anything better, but they're nice, and they're something I can do, so... yeah.

I've been strengthening the wards, too - added a couple more knots to the door twine, and been throwing around a little more weight when I remember. All together it all seems to be helping a little bit - people are scared, but they're still smiling and talking with each other, so that's something. At the moment it seems it's just the posters, no more bashings or anything, but... well. It's still pretty scary.

Michael is... doing as well as can be expected. He had a panic attack when he found out about the posters being closer to the bar this time. At least I'm kind of an expert in panic attacks, unfortunately, so I could help him through it. He's on edge, but he's having tea with Helen, and she's always such a gentle presence, I think he'll be okay.

I really wish we could somehow stop this. Like... I wish we could cut this off at the stem, rather than just... bandaging over all the fear. [Sighs]

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey... bedtime voicemail again. Unprompted, this time, even. Because... [sighs] Look, I know you're going out after closing to take down posters, and that's fine. But just... be careful, okay? It scares me a little. I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I'm home again, safe and sound. I mean... I guess by the time you listen to this I'll be in bed with you anyway so it'll be obvious, but... I don't know, I still feel like I should leave a message.

We took down a lot of posters tonight. I don't know if we got them all. I mean... probably not, I guess. But we took down a lot. Hopefully things will feel a bit safer again tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: God, it was a relief to wake up next to you this morning. My anxiety feels like it's just... I don't know. Not getting worse, necessarily, but I feel like my base level has risen in the last few weeks. [Sighs]

Anyway... things seem a little better today. People aren't coming in like they're getting out of a storm, they're just coming in to hang out, like normal.

I still... I don't know. I still feel very anxious about all of this. I feel like it's not over yet. Like we're just in the eye of the storm.

I really hope I'm just being paranoid and this isn't some kind of prophetic shit.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I was just reading this article online about cold brew coffee - should we consider offering that too, as well as espresso? Might be worth looking into.

I'm basically just leaving you this voicemail as a reminder, so I don't forget to look into this further, hah. I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Enthusiastic] Gooooood morning! Guess who just booked a hotel room for us as a belated anniversary celebration for tomorrow night? This guy!

Victor said he's happy to cover the late shift for you, and I mean, it's a Wednesday, so it wouldn't be too busy for him to handle alone. Helen said she'd open for us on Thursday morning, too, so we don't have to rush home from the hotel right away if we don't want to.

It's not a super fancy hotel or anything, but who cares - hotels are fun. Even if we just sit around and watch TV in our underwear, it's still somehow more fun in a hotel than doing it at home.

Anyway, I know I could have just told you when I saw you but I'm excited, so I wanted to leave you a message. Love you!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. It's another quiet night tonight, no one's been in for like an hour now, and I'm kind of bored, to be honest. I've been playing games on my phone so much I had to bring a charger downstairs.

I'm pretty excited about the hotel tomorrow, though! I'm gonna do so many fucked up dirty things to you. But don't get your hopes up, I'm not telling you what they are in this message. I'll show you in person tomorrow instead.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Teasing] Now who's the mean one in this relationship? Making me wake up to a message like that? You could have at least given me a taste, so I know what to look forward to.

Instead I'm just going to be serving morning tea to people and my imagination is going to run wild. So if I drop a cup or spill something on someone because I'm too preoccupied with your teasing, I'm blaming you.

I'm excited for tonight though, no matter how mean you are. Or maybe because of how mean you are.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Softly] I know I should be trying to sleep, but it's still early by my body clock.

Leaving you a voicemail while you're sleeping in the same room as me is probably not the best choice I could be making, but I'm trying to be quiet, and you haven't moved or anything, so I figure I'm not bothering you.

Thank you for tonight. It's been really wonderful. I don't know why you keep apologising for it not being anything special... it's been really special. We hardly ever take intentional time out to be together and not do anything else, these days. Not that I don't love our everyday life, I do. I don't want it to change. But it's nice to have a holiday too, is all I'm saying.

Anyway... you just rolled over so I'm going to end this here so I don't wake you.

I love you, Kane. I love you very, very much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Nervous] Hey Jason... it's Victor. Um... there's not really an easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna... jump straight in.

I know Kane's going to be really upset about this, so that's why I called you instead of him, I figured you'd know how to break it to him without him getting distraught, you know?

I don't want him to freak out too badly about this but... well. Helen called me in tears when she opened this morning. Whoever's been posting those homophobic flyers around the area? They've clearly figured out that we've been ripping them down, or at least know we're a queer bar. Someone has spray painted hate speech and threats all over the Best of Luck's facade.

We're cleaning it up as fast as we can, but we're probably not going to be able to get it done before you get home. So... just giving you a heads up.

Sorry to ruin your morning. See you guys soon.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by Darby Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.

Episode 40 - Second Anniversary

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, I hope the construction isn't bothering your sleep too much this morning. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, it just occurred to me, we can use our magic to soothe each other, right? Maybe we can also use it to help each other sleep? Can't hurt to try. Anything has got to be better than you needing emergency naps through the day during any moment of quiet.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oh man, Helen just suggested that Michael should have an exhibition here and he said he was nervous about the idea but kind of into it, so I backed her up and he agreed to do it! I'm so glad!! It's going to be great!

... Shit, we're gonna have to check our budget, because I can promise you I'm going to want to buy at least one thing he's done.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. We've had a pretty good night tonight, I just finished closing up now and am gonna head to bed. I'm fucken exhausted though. I'm looking forward to you flexing your magic muscles in the morning and seeing if you can help me sleep through the construction noise. I really hope it works.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Well, you're still asleep and the construction's been pretty loud, so I'm guessing that it worked? Unless you're just hiding out for a bit longer... let me know what time it is when you wake up so we can compare notes, yeah?

Oh, also... I tried to put some nice dreams in there for you too, while I was at it. Mostly just to see if I can. So make sure you tell me what you dreamed about if you remember, too, so we can see if that worked. It's not like it'd be a useful skill exactly, but it'd still be pretty cool, I think.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Softly] Hey honey. You wanted another bedtime voicemail so here it is. I don't really have a lot to say though... today's been a pretty mundane day. Although... it's kind of nice that even my boring days now are still, like, a million times better than they were in my life before you. I'm so glad I met you.

I'm glad you liked the dreams I gave you. Maybe I should try and give you some sexier ones next time. [Yawns] Goodnight, Jason. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Oh my god, Kane. Do not give me sexy dreams unless you're willing to come back upstairs and deal with the consequences of that, do you hear me? Don't make me have to get up and then work a full day before I get to make good on them. I doubt Victor would be happy to be told "hey, watch the bar for an hour because I need to go fuck my tease of a boyfriend right now".

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON & VICTOR: HI KANE!

JASON: [Enthusiastic] You joked that you expected to wake up to a voicemail from Victor and me, so, as your loyal and devoted boyfriend, it was clearly my responsibility to make that happen!

VICTOR: And as your loyal and devoted friend and employee, it was my responsibility to go along with it!

JASON: You know we're both literal people!! This is what you get for making offhand remarks!! We don't even have anything interesting to say!!

VICTOR: Oh no, just gonna bullshit our way through this. Say, Jason, how is that local sporting team?

JASON: No fucking clue, Victor! The closest I have ever been to a sport is lube wrestling in a kiddie pool!

VICTOR: Oh my god, you should come to rugby practise sometime, dude!

JASON: Fuck off with that shit! I love you but I swear to god I will dack you in front of all your rugby friends.

VICTOR: Oh, as if they don't do that themselves anyway.

JASON: Really? Shit, maybe I should go to rugby practise. Anyway, love you babe, see you tomorrow!

VICTOR: Bye!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey! Good morning! Guess what! The downstairs bedroom is now finished!!

Bruce finished up the last touches this morning. He's packing up his stuff now, and then once Victor is here he's gonna take me to the warehouse to pick up a bed for the boys before we officially move them into it. It's a little more money to be spent, but I mean, we can't just let them sleep on the floor or whatever.

They've already put their bags in there for now. Brandon actually cried a little bit... apparently they haven't really had somewhere safe and stable to stay for a long while, and while they've been grateful for crashing in our lounge, seeing that we put the effort in to get them an actual room was a bit overwhelming. I don't think they really expected us to let them stay...? Like, I think they expected us to kick them out after a little while or something, rather than stick by what we told them, that they can stay as long as they need.

Anyway... I'll see you later today!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. It's after midnight which means it's officially our anniversary, so... happy second anniversary. I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Happy anniversary honey. I'm gonna cover your face with kisses when you get up. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Bedtime voicemail as requested!

You know... today was our anniversary, but we didn't really do anything for it except hug slightly more than usual. Other than that... it was just kind of a normal day. And that's... that's just so wonderful. Do you know how good that is? God, Jason, I... our normal, everyday days now are even better than my amazing days were before us, before the Best of Luck Bar.

Today wasn't special, and that's exactly why it was special. This is just our lives now, and I'm just... I'm so happy, and I love you so much. Happy anniversary, again. I'm so glad I met you, and I'm so glad I got the chance to be with you.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by Darby Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.