Episode 75 - Unexpected Wounds

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Serious] Jason, it's Maggie. I think Mum and Dad might be planning to call you sometime soon. If they do... [Sigh] Look, maybe just... don't answer the phone. And delete any messages they leave you. Just... trust me, okay?

I hope you and Kane are doing okay. We'll talk again soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Maggie, that was an incredibly cryptic message you left me. What's going on? Call me back.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Depressed] Hey Kane, so... I should have listened to my sister.

My parents called this evening, just after you went to bed. I answered the call, despite Maggie's warnings, because I was like... I wanted to know what the hell was going on, right?

I shouldn't have answered it. They... they told me to stay out of Maggie's life. To stop seeing Maggie and her quote-unquote, "real" family. They don't uh... they don't want me "corrupting" their grandchild with my "lifestyle".

I thought... [Tearful] I thought this was over. I thought... I mean, I know they don't accept me, but I thought... I thought we'd come to some kind of truce, you know? We don't talk any more, but we also don't hurt each other any more.

I also thought... I thought I was over feeling hurt about this. I thought they couldn't make me feel bad any more. I stopped caring about what they thought, I got angry at them, I try not to think about them, I thought-- I thought...

[Crying] I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm...

[SFX: [off] door knocking]

HELEN: [off] Jason, what's wrong?

JASON: I need to wake Kane up. Can you watch the bar?

HELEN: [off] Yes, of course. Are you okay?

JASON: No... no I'm not.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Jason. Ricardo and I just closed up the bar. Everything went fine.

[Cautiously] I... I understand if you don't want to talk about what's happening, but... I'm here for you if you need it, okay?

[Awkwardly] I've never... I've never seen you cry before, and... I just... I hope you're feeling better by the time you listen to this.

I love you, okay? We all do. We're all here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Hey honey. I hope... I hope you're sleeping okay. You were still a bit fitful when I got up. Hopefully you settle down for a while.

Helen's really worried about you. So are Ricardo and Mira. And... to be honest, I'm a little worried about you too. I've never seen you break down like you did last night.

But... it's okay that you did, okay? Don't take our concern as an implication you shouldn't be upset, or that you should get over it quickly or something. You absolutely should be upset about this, it's completely fucked. What your parents said to you is cruel.

I know I already told you that last night but I'm telling you again, because it's true, and it's important. You're not upset over nothing here. This is really fucked.

[Sigh] I love you. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I've been okay this evening. Mira made me a literal flower crown to cheer me up, and honestly, it's pretty hard to be super sad while wearing a flower crown.

I'm still... well, I'm not great. I don't know how to deal with this. It's weird, right, because... I thought my parents couldn't hurt me any more. Honestly, truly, I really thought that. I thought that... once I recovered from how they reacted to you at Maggie's wedding, it was like... well, that's definitely a lost cause, right? So I can stop worrying about it.

And it's not even like I was worried about it much in the first place! I've built my life in such a way that my parents' approval does not matter one goddamn bit. I mean... fuck. Remember how I got you to get my Dad to call me to prove you could do magic? At that point he hadn't talked to me in about six years. And aside from the wedding and the phone call yesterday, he hasn't talked to me again since then, either. And I was fine. I was fine! So why the fuck is this hitting me so hard?

I just... I'm upset, and then I'm angry at myself for being upset, and it's this whole stupid circle.

[Sigh] I love you. I'm sorry that you have to deal with me like this.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Jason. Don't be sorry for being upset, or for me helping you when you're upset. That's what I'm here for. It's okay.

Besides, it's only fair, right? I mean, I've spent a lot of our relationship leaning on you for comfort. It's only right that I can do the same for you.

I love you. It's all right. I'm here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Angry] Jason, it's Maggie. Dad told me that they called you and talked to you.

I am--I am so angry, I can't even think straight. Jason, you listen to me. Fuck them. Fuck them! I love you, and Brad loves you, and our baby is going to love you, and don't you dare stay away from us.

You're my brother and you're part of my family, and I know we don't see each other often, but Jason, please believe me - I want you in my life, I want you in my baby's life.

Please don't stay away. Please.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey there baby. So... that whole "you being more real now that I have a bump" thing? It has had an unexpected side effect.

This week, I found myself having these overwhelming moments of fear. What if I'm a bad mother? What if I screw you up? What if you grow up and you hate me? What if I deserve it?

I got really down on... Monday, I think it was. And Priya came home to find me crying on the couch, tissues everywhere. Apparently I looked a right mess.

It was kind of strange, because... I haven't had any of these fears until this week. It's like they all just came crashing down on me at once. One moment I'm fine, then next moment, I am terrified!

So... I called my mother, your grandmother, to ask about it. I needed to know if she'd had the same fears when she was pregnant with me, you know?

And, unsurprisingly... yes. She'd had the exact same fears. She laughed and told me that she felt like having those fears means you understand the enormity of what it means to be a parent.

So... that's sort of comforting, I guess. I'm normal, for once.

We talked about it some more, and... she told me about some of the mistakes she made with me when I was a kid, and how they still eat her up inside sometimes. And you know the funny thing? I didn't even remember half of them. And the ones I did remember, even the ones that had left a less than ideal impression on me? I understood them. I understood how they happened, I understood where she was coming from when she did whatever she did.

And after a while, she got very sad, and she asked me if I forgave her for her mistakes. And baby, I--I started crying. Of course I forgave her. Of course. People are strange and messy creatures, and we make mistakes, even in child rearing. No one is perfect, not even mothers.

And I realized, it's easy to forgive honest mistakes. When someone is truly sorry, and when you know they did their best, it's easy to forgive them.

But that's the thing - there's a difference between making mistakes, and being a bad parent. I had one of each. My mother was a good parent who made mistakes. My father was a bad parent.

I never once, for a single moment in my life, doubted that my mother loved me and wanted what was best for me. Even when she hated decisions I made, or disagreed with opinions I had, she always gave me the freedom and support to be myself and live my own life. She respects me just as much as she loves me. And because of that, I support and respect her too, and love her so dearly, more than I could express.

My father on the other hand, never showed any love or respect for me. He did not care about me, only himself. The only time he thought of me was when it affected him. So in return, I do not think of him either. He does not deserve my consideration.

And I realized... as long as I love you very hard, as long as I support you in being the best person you can be, as long as I do my best with you and treat you kindly and fairly... I think we'll be okay, baby. I really do. Even if I make mistakes, I think we'll be okay.

I know a lot of people who were disowned by their parents, or hated by their parents, and that's... I never, ever feared that from my mother. And I never want you to fear that from me.

So I promise you, okay? I promise to love you forever, I promise to always be here for you, I promise to always respect you, and I promise I will always support you. Because that is what good mothers do.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 74 - Inheritance

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Surprised] Jason! I've been listening to Mumma's tapes, and... I think maybe she had the same kind of powers that we do!

There's been a couple of subtle things, but... in the most recent one, she described something that sounds just like our ability to feel each other's feelings and soothe people. I'll play the tape for you when you get up.

I'm really... shocked. I mean, people always said she was a witch, but I just... I thought they were being mean, or funny if they were friends of hers. But... from the sounds of it... I think she was. I think she could do the same stuff we can do. She's describing experiences that are a lot like ours.

Not exactly like ours, though. Like... she's also having hallucinations, or... fuck, maybe they're not hallucinations. But she sees people who aren't there, just like... to the side. Maybe they're... I don't know, ghosts or something? I have no idea.

And she says she's been having really accurate intuition, which... I mean, we don't have anything like that, as far as I know. I mean, I guess the feelings we have right before we affect luck is a little bit like that, in that it helps us tip luck in a particular direction, but... that's not really the same thing.

But when she was talking about how she perceives and can affect emotions... that sounds like what we can do, even if the delivery is a bit different.

I... I know we talked about this possibility, way back at the beginning when we were just discovering our magic, but... I don't know. This... this is huge. She might have been like us.

But I keep coming back to something. If she really was a witch, if she really had magic, just like we do...

[Emotional] Why didn't she ever tell me?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Hope you're sleeping okay.

I hope... I hope you have good dreams, and you don't wake up upset wondering about your Mum again.

I... I don't know why she didn't tell you. I wish I did. Maybe we'll find out if we keep listening to the tapes? I mean... you didn't even know these tapes existed, which is kind of weird. Like... you'd think she would have mentioned them to you at some point, even if it was just like, "oh, I recorded some tapes for you back when I was pregnant but they got lost", or something like that.

If it helps at all... not only do we know that she probably had the same magic that we do, but... we know when it appeared. We know it happened... when she was pregnant. Which, okay, when I started out on this train of thought, I was like "maybe we can figure out where it comes from!", but like... I mean, neither of us has ever been pregnant, as far as I know. I mean, obviously I haven't, since I don't have the equipment. So... clearly that wasn't the trigger for us.

So... fuck. What then? What turns this on? Where does it come from?

Ugh, I feel like this discovery has just... left us with more questions than we had before. And the only answer we've found is "yes, Julie Baxter was probably a witch". Which... we already suspected anyway.

[Sigh] Well. We'll figure it out. Hopefully.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Quiet morning today, not as many customers as usual. Which is kind of good, because it means I can slink off for a few minutes to leave you a message, and know that Helen won't be overwhelmed watching the bar for a bit.

I... ugh. I know what you mean about more questions. So many more fucking questions.

And I can't... I can't think of anything we have in common with her, in terms of what might have started all this. We weren't the same age, we weren't going through the same things... I don't think we even all went to the same place or something, aside from the fact we all live in Melbourne, which... as far as I know, not every god damn Melburnian can do magic, so... I don't think that's it.

[Sigh] I guess if there are any answers, they'll be in further tapes.

I wish... I wish I felt up to listening to them all at once. I just... can't, though. I just can't. It's too painful. Hearing her again, and... now, knowing that we have something in common that I didn't know about while she was alive, I just... [Tearful breath]

I'm sorry. I'll get through the tapes eventually, I will. It's just... it's so hard to listen to them.

I miss her so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I love you. And your mother loved you. So, so much.

And I'll remind you again: you take all the time you need to listen to the tapes. We'll travel this course on your pacing.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [EXCITED] Hi baby! I can kind of see you now! There's a little iddy biddy bump in my belly now. That's you! You're a little bump!!

It's made me really realize... what I'm doing when I make these tapes. I mean... I feel like until now, you've been somewhat theoretical, you know? I'm making recordings for someone that might not be real.

But now... now you're real! Now I can see you, and it's not just on a fuzzy ultrasound! You're here! And that's... also kind of weird, because you're inside me, and that's strange to think about. I know it's natural and all, but... it's still strange. Strange and very, very wonderful.

But, yes. It feels a little odd now, to make recordings for you when I can see you. I mean, I can talk to you anyway. You won't understand me, but... everyone I've talked to who's been pregnant says they're sure babies can still hear us, so... hopefully you still enjoy the sound of my voice, even if you have no idea what I'm on about.

But you know... I like making these tapes. They've become almost... like a diary. But not as extensive, or as serious. Just... a weekly check in. And that's really nice.

I mean, I reckon they'll make a pretty good 21st birthday present, or something like that. I mean, I wish I had something like this from my mum. That would be really amazing.

So, I'm going to keep making these tapes for you. And... I'm probably going to talk to you more in general, now that you're more noticeable.

I love you so much, baby. I can't wait to be able to hear you talk back.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 73 - Relationship Check Ins

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Gently] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. I hope you're feeling better.

I wish I was more helpful when you have nightmares. I wish I could just... make them stop. I hope... I hope that being there when you wake up is enough.

I... I care about you. A lot.

I hope you sleep better tonight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Reassuring] CJ, you are wonderful. It is always enough to have you there when I wake up.

[Self consciously] Thank you for being patient with me. I know it must be hard to be with someone struggling like I am. Especially when I can't stand to be touched when I'm in the worst of it.

But... yes. Having you there means the world to me, trust me. There is nothing more frightening than feeling like I'm alone. You make it easier to come back and stay grounded.

Thank you. I... ah... I care about you too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Nervous-excited] Agh, I'm so nervous, I can't sleep. Storm is picking me up after her shift tomorrow and we're going to go have drinks somewhere, and... [Excited noise]

She's just so handsome, and I'm so nervous! What if she hates me? What if I make a fool of myself? [Despairing noise]

Maybe I should go back downstairs and see if anyone's still awake. Sometimes Ricardo or Jason is still downstairs even after closing.

[Anxious sigh] Sorry to clog your inbox with my anxiety, Papa Bear. I'm just... argh!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I'm a bit late to bed tonight. Mira came down looking for someone to hang out with for a while, and... honestly, that was kind of great. Mira and I don't often spend much time together one on one.

We played a few board games, and it was actually pretty fun. Even if I did lose every single game. Mira is apparently a much better strategizer than I am.

She's really excited and nervous about her upcoming date. It's really cute, she's all bouncy and bubbly.

Actually, that reminds me - we never did talk about the monogamy thing, huh? Got kind of distracted by Maggie's news, I think.

Since we keep forgetting that while we're both actually awake - what's your stance?

For me? I'm... perfectly happy just with you. I don't feel any need to have any kind of open relationship, not even sexually. But I also feel like... I wouldn't mind, if you wanted that? Like, my biggest concern wouldn't be "oh god he's dating someone else", it would be more like... "oh god, if he's dating someone else, will he still have enough time for me?"

Anyway... let me know where you're at on all that when you wake up. Then we can officially tick this off our relationship housekeeping list.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Yeah... I'm pretty much at the same place you are. I'm happy just with you, and like... also, your worry isn't wrong, I mean... I don't really feel like either of us really has the time to date anyone else. We're pretty much always busy.

I think... I think I'd like to be able to have this conversation again at a later point though. Like, if someone really amazing came along, for either of us - or both of us, I guess, since that's possible too - I'd like to be able to consider it, you know? Does that make sense?

Hey, you know... while we're covering basic relationship housekeeping that we've otherwise missed... between Sarah and Mira's breakup, my mother's tapes, and now Maggie's pregnancy... I realized that we've never discussed whether or not we want kids.

I... am not sure where I stand on that one. I've swung between wanting kids and not wanting kids a lot in my life, and... I'm still not really firmly on either side. I do think that... even if I do end up deciding I'd like kids... now is definitely not the time for it, you know? Like, even aside from the whole "we should really be sure before we commit to that" angle, it's kind of like the idea of dating anyone else - we're too busy with everything we have right now. We've got other stuff to focus on.

How about you? Where do you stand on kids?

Hm, I should tend some customers. Love you. We'll probably talk about this more when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. I gotta say, I really like it when Michael's on a later shift and I get to snuggle with you a bit before you go to sleep. The biggest flaw with our different sleep schedules is that there's not as much time for bed cuddles.

I'm really glad we're on the same wavelength about monogamy and kids. I mean, it's makes sense, right? If it hasn't come up until now, there couldn't have been too big of an incompatibility.

I'll be honest, I'm still leaning more towards a no than a yes on kids, but... hey, we can get our kid fix with our upcoming nibling, right?

I'm starting to feel way less freaked out about that, by the way. I guess I just... I don't know. Being a kid is hard. I don't want to contribute to some kid's life being harder than it already will be, you know? I mean, fuck, you couldn't pay me to be a kid again. It sucked.

It's weird, right, because... getting older is meant to be this hard and tragic thing. Like, you're supposed to get really scared of your mortality or whatever from the moment you hit age 30. Everyone's always like "oh no, I've got a grey hair" or something, but like... I don't know, the older I get, the better my life gets. I get smarter, I get more comfortable, I get happier. I know myself better. I know the world around me better. I have a bigger network, I feel like I can affect things more. Make more of a difference.

Eh, I don't know. Getting older rules and being a kid sucked, I guess is all I'm saying.

[SFX: Door opens]

Oh hey, Mira's back! I'm gonna go bother her for details about her date. Love you!

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtful] Hey baby. You know, I think my mama bear instincts are starting to kick in. I keep having these really strong gut feelings about stuff. And they're always right. Ever since I found out about you. I guess maybe there's something to the whole 'mother's intuition' thing, huh?

I've also been able to read people better. Like... I can know how people are feeling a lot faster and more accurately than I used to.

It's been surprising for everyone, believe me. Apparently it's super awkward when I can tell someone is lying about how they're feeling but I don't know they're trying to lie about it. I have caused some very uncomfortable situations.

Which is not great, but I mean... it's also made it easier to talk to people sincerely. Making meaningful connections with people is easier than it ever has been. I feel like I can touch people's emotions and we can shape our feelings together. It's beautiful.

In much weirder pregnancy side effects, or at least what I assume are pregnancy side effects... I keep seeing flickers of... something. I keep thinking I see people, just out of the corner of my eye. But when I look for them, or try to focus on them, nothing's there. I've never heard of hallucinating during pregnancy before, but I guess it must be a thing, because it's only happened since you came along.

[Sigh] Ah, that one's a bit of a pain. And it's definitely made a few people look at me weirdly when I've gone to move out of the way or smile at someone, and it turns out there's no one there. I'm the weird lady on the tram a lot these days. But that's okay. You're okay if your Mumma's a weird tram lady, right? I mean, there are worse things to be.

I have to say, I'm kind of fond of these strange happenings, though. It's like I have super powers or something. I'm pretty good with that, because frankly, I think I'd make an excellent superhero. The mighty Julie, stumbling through the streets like a dog on stilts! Making uncomfortably earnest emotional connections with random strangers!

[Laugh] Okay, so my story needs a little work. That's fine. We've got time. And hey, who knows, maybe you'll be a superhero when you grow up, too!

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 72 - Maggie's News

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Hey Jason, it's me, your dearly beloved sister. I have some big news! Call me back as soon as you can, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Actually, you know what, fuck it, I'm too excited, I don't want to wait for you to call me back.

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant! We're having a baby! You're going to be an uncle!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Ugh, Maggie, answer your damn calls! I'm trying to congratulate you here!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: No, but seriously... congratulations. I'm really happy for you guys.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane, I am freaking out!

I mean, I'm happy for them? Of course I'm happy for them. I know Brad really wants kids, and Maggie is happy, and... like, it's good. It's really good! I am honestly really happy for them.

And I am also freaking out.

[Freaking out] What do uncles do? I don't have any uncles, I have no frame of reference here. Do I need to like... learn shit about babies? Am I going to end up babysitting or something?

I've never changed a nappy in my life, Kane, I don't know how to look after babies! What if I break it somehow? Like, what if I drop it? Or what if I break it like... in its head, and like... I do something stupid that traumatizes it forever? Oh god, I don't wanna traumatize a kid forever! Fuck!

God, please tell me you know shit about babies and can help me out here. Fuck!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Good morning honey, and when you get this message, I want you to take a deep breath and try to slow down a bit. You went on quite a spiral last night, from the sounds of it.

I have to say, it's a change for me to be the one leaving you soothing messages after a rough patch of anxiety for once.

But on that note, first off, you won't break it. No one's going to hand you a baby without making sure you know how to hold it safely. Secondly, I doubt you're going to traumatize it, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby without telling you how to treat it.

As for changing nappies, hopefully you won't have to do that duty, but if you do, that's okay, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby for an extended period without teaching you how to change a nappy.

It'll all be okay, I promise.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oh, and as for what uncles do? I don't have any either, but as far as I can tell, being an uncle is like, all the best bits of kids without the shit bits. You get to play with them and take them on adventures and buy them presents, but you don't have to do any of the hard stuff. You get to just hang out with them and support them as they grow up.

So relax. You'll be a great uncle.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Waking up] Thanks babe. That was a good message to wake up to. I did kind of spiral a bit, huh?

[Yawn] Well. I'll see you in a few minutes when I can be fucked getting out of bed. Love you.

Oh, and... I think you mean WE'LL be great uncles.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Flustered] Um, hi, Storm, it's Mira. Uh... so, Helen and I were talking, and she said you guys aren't, like... exclusive, and uh... I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? With me?

Helen knows I'm asking, she, um... she's encouraging it, actually [Laugh]. So... uh, it's okay from that angle. And... yeah! Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Pleased] Hey, Mira, sorry I missed your call. Unfortunately I usually do miss calls a lot at work, sorry. But yes - I'd love to take you out sometime. I'll try calling again tomorrow, and we can make plans?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Amused] Hey, Jason, I know why Kane wanted to know about my monogamy status now! Tell your boyfriend that his meddling worked out pretty well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Triumphantly] Now who's the god of all hookups?

[Awkwardly] ... It's--It's me, I'm trying to--it's me. I'm the god of hookups now.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Mira, it's Helen.

I think I've been living here too long, because... I wanted to leave you a message to wake up to, and because Kane and Jason are the way they are, my first thought was voicemail. Which... yeah. I think they're infecting all of us. I know you've left a couple for Kane, and I know Ricardo sometimes leaves them for Jason, and... yeah. [Amused] Clearly voicemails are something you can catch by living as the Best of Luck.

Anyway, um... thank you for talking to me about Storm. I know that it was kind of hard, and... I know Kane kinda encouraged you to do it, but... I'm still glad you did. I get why you didn't want to tell me about your crush on Storm, but... I mean, I get it, obviously I get it, I mean, I have a crush on her too!

[Sincerely] I really like how close we've become since you came back to to live at the bar. I don't want us to hide things from each other. I think we can handle it, you know? Like... even if something is uncomfortable, or we disagree on something... I think we can handle it.

Anyway. Thank you for being honest with me, and... thank you for being my friend.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Sincerely] Helen, I love you. You're my best friend.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] Hi baby. It's been a bad week. [Sigh]

A close friend of mine died this week. His funeral was yesterday.

AIDS. It's been... getting worse. More people are dying.

We're all trying to... stay strong, and not let it get to us. I... [Annoyed sigh] I wasn't planning to talk about this on these tapes. These were meant to be... happy. Just me talking to you about me, and my life, and the life we're going to have together.

But, well. I guess this is my life too. My friend died. It was really hard, and really sad, and... some of the people at the funeral, this wasn't even the only funeral they've attended this week, let alone the last couple of years.

We're all trying our best to look after these people. A lot of people don't care about them, because they're gay. Even hospitals can be... difficult. So we're... doing our best. We... we cook food and take it to them. We clean up the vomit, and we wash them in bed, and we drive them to doctors appointments, and... sometimes we just sit with them, and hold their hands while they sleep.

[Sigh] I'm sorry this isn't another happy tape, baby. But this is important too, I guess. Everyone dies. But we should do everything we can to make sure that when people do, they die as comfortably as possible, and they go knowing that we love them.

We have to look after them. We have to look after each other however we can.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Jennifer Gearing for naming Maggie.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 71 - Kane the Matchmaker

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Concerned] Hey, Kane, it's Helen. Do you know if everything's okay with Mira? She's been kind of strange the last couple of days, but when I ask her about it, she says everything is fine.

Like... if it's none of my business then it's none of my business, but... I'm a little worried about my friend. Could you check in with her? Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Stressed] Jason, when you get up, please rescue me. I am trapped between one concerned friend who wants to know what's wrong with the other, and the other friend who is very adamant I don't tell concerned friend what the problem is. Help!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Wait, I thought of a way you can help. You're friends with Storm, right? Can you find out if she's polyamorous? Because that would help a lot.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Storm, it's Jason. So this is... extremely out of the blue, but are you monogamous or polyamorous? Or... somewhere in between?

I promise I have a really good reason for asking. Even if I'm not entirely sure what that reason is just yet. All I know is Kane asked me to find out, and he won't give me the full reason why. So, let me know, so I can solve the mystery of what the fuck is happening.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Amused] Hey, Jason, sorry I missed your call, but you know, busy shift.

Anyway, to answer your question, yeah, polyamory suits me pretty well. I can do the monogamy thing, don't--don't get me wrong, but... it's not something I'm passionate about.

When you find out why you need to know, let me know, okay? Although if it's because your boyfriend wants some of this, then, I'm sorry to say that he's going to be disappointed. I am strictly a woman only ride.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so I just checked my phone and I had an answer from Storm, and yeah, she's polyam, or at least open to it. Now, when you get up tomorrow, will you please tell me why on earth we need this information?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, good morning. I'm going to do a little more sleuthing this morning, but hopefully by the time you get up I--I'll be able to loop you in on what's going on.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, Mira, I have some good news for you when you wake up.

Storm is open to non monogamy. Jason asked her about it last night. And this morning, I asked Helen on her position, and she's also down with non monogamy.

So. I think maybe you should talk to Helen about how you've been feeling. Even if nothing happens, it'll be good to clear the air.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sigh] Hey honey. Well, Mira just came downstairs and whisked Helen away to a corner for a serious talk, so I think I can finally tell you what's happening.

Short version: Mira has a crush on Storm and was kind of jealous of Helen, but didn't want anyone to know because she's also very happy for Helen. But if Storm is interested and everyone's open to it, it could still happen, and everyone wins. I'll give you the longer version when you get up.

The sleuthing I was doing earlier was finding out whether Helen was open to the idea. I asked her if she's inclined more towards monogamy or polyamory or something else, and I explained my point of interest as just a talking point because of the last tape of Mumma's that I had listened to, so, there was nothing too awkward about it.

So... this is interesting. Helen told me that she's a big believer in 'relationship anarchy', which was a term I've never heard of before, but we talked about it for a bit and it's kind of... great.

It's basically just the idea that all the rules of a relationship can only be defined by the people in that relationship. And like... it's not necessarily the same thing as polyamory, because it's also about how you do friendships, and working relationships, and relationships that don't fit into a clear platonic or romantic box, and all kinds of other non mainstream relationship types.

It's about recognizing that relationships are complex, and not necessarily prioritizing one type of relationship over others, and stuff like that. I thought it was kind of cool.

And... I'm just now realizing that I don't think we ever had a conversation about whether we're monogamous or not. We should probably do that, at some point? Since we're like... nearly three years into our relationship? Jeez. We really kinda failed at that basic relationship step, huh? How the hell did that never come up until now?

[Sigh] Anyway, I gotta get back to work. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Gently] Hey sweet baby. You're really amping up on the morning sickness again. Could you maybe chill out on that for a bit? It's getting a bit old, and I'm tired of only being able to eat toast and vegemite.

[Sigh] I can't be too mad at you, though. I mean... you're a miracle. It's tough to be mad at a miracle.

And... you really are, you know that, right? I mean, I already told you, I was told I couldn't have kids. But now, here you are!

And... [Sigh] This is going to sound weird, but... that's not the only reason I think you're a miracle. Everything is... different, now. I feel different. I feel... bigger. Not like, physically - you're only the size of a small lime right now, so you haven't made much of a difference in my body's size yet.

But I feel like... my aura is bigger. I feel like I can feel things I couldn't feel before. Like I have more... power than before. [Laugh] Power to do what, I don't know. I just know I feel... stronger.

Well, whatever it is, I'm glad to have it. Even if it is very weird. But hey - nothing else about me is normal, [Giggle] why should this be?

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 70 - Changes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Hey Papa Bear, it's Mira. I hope it's okay if I leave you another rambly message. I'm just... I'm full of emotions, and I think I just... need to get them out... somewhere.

[Chuckles] I should probably take up journalling or something, but... for now, this is what came to mind. I hope it's okay.

I just finished helping Helen get ready for her date. I braided her hair for her. She looks really beautiful.

She was so excited, it was like she was glowing. I was so happy to see her like that. She's so good at making everyone else happy, I just... I just want her to be happy too.

[Awkwardly] I'm... I'm also... honestly, I'm kind of jealous. Storm is so... [Sigh] She's so hot, and she's so amazing, and I just... I'm just jealous. I wish she wanted to be with me, too.

[Seriously] Please don't tell Helen, okay? I don't want her to think I feel anything even slightly bad about this. I don't want her to think I'm not happy for her, because I absolutely am. I just... kind of wish I was going along too, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Kane, it's Michael. Thank you so much for the extra work. I know it was Victor's idea, and, believe me, I have thanked him too, and will probably keep thanking him for quite a while yet. But you and Jason didn't have to agree with him, so please know that I appreciate it so much that you did. Things are going to be a lot easier for me from this point on. Thank you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, thought you'd like to know that Helen came home with a smile bigger than the sun this morning. I asked her how her date was, and she said "it was really good", and then proceeded to blush pink as pink could be. I think it's safe to say that Storm treated her very well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Yawn] Hey. Bedtime voicemail as requested.

I'm really proud of Victor. I know that sounds kind of condescending, but... I mean, shit, I didn't think the kid that showed up so long ago would be leaving us messages saying he's covering someone else's rent and looking for multiple jobs because he wants to help people.

I figured... I figured he'd just get stable and move on, you know? I figured... we'd help him, and things would get better for him, and then... then he'd move on and we'd... lose him.

Wait, that sounds a bit too dramatic. I don't mean like, we'd never see him again. Just that... he'd stop being a part of our daily lives, you know?

But that hasn't happened at all. He's still ours. He still cares for us and everyone here. In fact it's because of that care that he's moving forwards. That's... is it weird if I say that it's inspiring? It is, though. It inspires me. Victor is doing everything he can do within his means to make the world better, and...

Just, damn, Jason. I love that kid. I love that kid so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night tonight. A few customers, mostly regulars. Helen and Mira sat up the back of the bar talking and laughing and blushing... I can only assume they were talking about Helen and Storm's date.

I know what you mean about Victor. I'm proud of him too. I honestly sometimes forget that he's not actually my little brother or something. I love him dearly.

And... I'm glad to be able to pass the job to Michael. It feels like... it feels like that's become another way for us to help people out, you know? We have folks living with us when they need it, and... we can afford to employ someone when they need that, too.

Heh, we might need to consider franchising or something if we wanna go much further down that road. Which... oh god, I'm getting a headache just imagining that. Let's not do that. Let's stick to our single employee situation. God.

[Sigh] Ah, I should close up. I love you. And I love that we can help people out.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Good morning!

I love that we can help people out too. To steal Victor's metaphor, I think... I think we're starting to really appreciate the plants blossoming in our garden.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey baby. It's been... it hasn't been a very good week.

So... I guess now is an appropriate time to tell you a little bit about how you came to exist. Because that kind of feeds into what made this week so hard.

So, you know that my only romantic partner right now is Priya. Priya doesn't have the kind of body that could get me pregnant. And most of our friends are aware of this. So... most of them assume that I got you by using a sperm donor.

But I didn't use a donor. You happened naturally. It's part of what makes you such a miracle.

The thing is... when some people find out that I didn't use a donor, they think I cheated on Priya. And I didn't, sweetheart, I promise you, Mumma didn't lie to anyone or hurt anyone to have you.

You see, we're allowed to love as many people as we want, for as long or as short a time as we want, both Priya and I. And sometimes we only love someone for a night, or a weekend. And that's all right, because we all agreed to it.

I loved a very kind and gentle man for a weekend, and that's where you came from. He is a very good friend of mine, from up in Queensland. I don't get to see him much. But he was down here in Melbourne for a little while, and so it was lovely to spend some time with him.

Some of my friends... they don't understand that it was okay. They think that even though me, and Priya, and him, we were all okay with it... they still think it was still a bad thing to do.

And some of them... some of our friends, they think it was a bad thing just because he's a man. There are some women who think that... they think that men make women dirty. That if you've loved a man, that means you're not good enough to love women.

They're all wrong, of course. About both of those things. But... they've been mean to me about it, so... it's been a hard week. Some of my friends... well, I've found out they aren't really my friends, I guess is the best way to explain it.

[Sigh] This too will pass. I'll be okay. It just hurts right now. But it will be okay.

We'll both be okay.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 69 - Nice

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Gently] Hey, Helen, it's Storm. Listen... I think you're beautiful, and kissing you was... well, it was an experience like no other. You are so soft, and stunning, and... just so, so nice.

Your eyes are such a deep brown and so beautiful... when you look down at me, all it makes me want to do is make you feel even half as amazing as I did when you kissed me.

I'm coming by the Best of Luck Bar tonight after work, and... if you're there, I'd like to talk to you. I have something to ask you - and no, it's nothing bad, so don't worry about that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, want to hear something utterly fucking adorable?

So, Storm came by after work, and I was like "hey!", thinking she was here to hang out, but no, I was wrong, she was not here to hang out. She was here to ask Helen out.

She had a fucking long stemmed rose, and she fucking bowed when she presented it to Helen. It would have been extremely corny on anyone else, but somehow Storm pulled it off and just made it really romantic, actually.

And Helen? Fuck, man. I haven't seen her light up like that in... ever? Yeah, I'm racking my memory and I don't remember her ever looking that radiant before.

In case it's not obvious by this point in the message, she said yes, by the way. They're going out on like, Thursday, I think.

So, there's some adorable news for you to wake up to. Helen's got a date with an excellent lady.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I can't sleep, and I thought... maybe it'd be okay if I left you a message. I think I saw Jason on the phone earlier, so... you probably already know what happened to me earlier tonight.

[Happy] I've never felt like this before. I mean, I've felt... you know, I've had crushes before, and I've felt butterflies in my stomach before, but... [Sigh]

It wasn't just that she asked me out. Obviously that's... I mean, I'm so excited. But it's not just that. She... [Giggle] she specifically asked if she could court me. Which is... [Laughs] It's so old fashioned and silly, but... it's also really sweet.

It makes me feel... treasured, I guess? I feel like I'm something special to her, even if she doesn't know me very well yet. She still thinks I'm special enough that she really wants to dedicate some time to seeing me.

That's... That's just so nice. I feel really happy.

[Sigh] Thanks for listening, Papa Bear. I hope you're sleeping well. I hope I do, too, when I get there.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Serious] Hey, Jason, it's Victor. I've been thinking, and... I want Michael to take over all my work at the Best of Luck Bar. You can give all my remaining shifts to him.

He's still not having any luck finding another job, and I... I have better odds than him. I've actually got a couple of leads in the works for a couple of jobs, so uh... yeah.

I've also decided to cover his rent. Permanently. Or at least, for the foreseeable future. Things are hard enough for everyone right now, and... anything I can do... [Sigh] I just want to make things a bit easier for him.

I want to do everything I can, you know? To make the world a bit better. I want... I want to help people. Like you guys helped me.

[Cheeky] Don't think you're getting rid of me, though. I still plan to come and hang out and annoy you as much as I possibly can. So don't get comfortable. I'm still that annoying stray cat that showed up and didn't leave because you fed him.

[Serious] I'll talk to you later, man. And thanks. For everything.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: Hey there, baby. You've been a lot nicer on the morning sickness front this week. Thank you for that.

[Thoughtful] You know, it's really strange how much I love you already. You're not even real yet, in a lot of ways. I'm not showing, I can't feel you kicking, and obviously you're a long way from being born. But... god, do I love you. I love you harder than I've ever loved anything before in my life.

It's so strange, when you start to love someone. You're doing just fine in your life, minding your own damn business, and then all of a sudden, here's this new person! And even though you've lived without them your whole life so far, suddenly it feels like you'd be missing something terribly vital if they weren't here. It's like they're meant to be here, meant to be in your life, so much so that once they're there, you can't imagine life without them any more.

I felt like that with Priya. And now, I feel it again with you.

It's been... really surprising how easy it's been to accept you. I mean... you were a surprise, baby. Pregnancy was not something on my radar. And you'd think it would throw a huge spanner into the works of my life, but... I mean, don't get me wrong, you've definitely made things a bit more complicated, but... it's been easy. It's been easy to accept you.

I never thought you'd exist. But now that you do? I'm so happy, baby. I'm so happy you're here.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 68 - Jason the Hookup God

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

THULIUM: Hey, Jason! Happy birthday! Can't wait to see you tonight, it's gonna be amazing! [Kiss] Mwah!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey, Papa Bear, Michael and I are running a bit late, which is our own damn fault--

MICHAEL: Your fault.

VICTOR: --my damn fault, because I took kind of a long time to get ready, and anyway, never mind, we're on our way now so we should be there soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Jason! It's Storm! Happy birthday!

I'll be around when my shift is done, and we are gonna dance like we're possessed! So you get ready for that!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: loud music downstairs]

KANE: Hey honey. Sorry I tapped out before the party ended. I know you get it and you don't mind, but.. I'm still sorry. The early mornings kind of make late night parties a bit impossible for me these days.

[Happy sigh] You looked so happy tonight. At first I was really worried that tonight wouldn't be as exciting as your 30th, and that would somehow be really disappointing, but... I mean, milestone birthdays are meant to be above average, right? So, it's okay this one is a bit less structured.

[Happy sigh] You look so goddamn blissful when the music is loud and the lights are dim. Like... really in your element. It makes me really happy just to see you like that.

[Yawn] I love you, Jason. Happy birthday. I hope the rest of your night is even half as amazing as you are.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: Loud music/people]

JASON: [Shouting, exuberant] I am the hookup god! I am god of all hookups! Kane, your boyfriend is a god of love, okay?? I'm like fucking cupid or something!! I'm amazing!! Fuck yeah!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired, happy] Hey babe. Party's pretty much over now. I'm just outside for some fresh air before I head up to bed.

We've got a few people crashing on our floor for the next few hours, so... just be aware of that when you get up. But I told them they all have to help you set up for the day, that's the price of getting to crash. So you should at least get some help in the morning.

[Happy sigh] I love you. I love people. I love how messy and stupid and beautiful and loving they are. I love feeling a mass of us at once, you know? It feels like... spiritual. Like I can feel... everything beyond me. Everyone who came before, and everyone who comes after, and everyone I'm currently with. I feel like I can... I feel like I can touch humanity, sometimes. All of it. Good or bad.

[Amused] Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense, it's probably kinda silly. But that's okay. It's a good feeling, so I'm gonna hold onto it while I can.

But most of all, Kane? Most of all, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Oh my god, I almost forgot to tell you. Helen made a comment about wanting to dance and feeling super self conscious about the idea of dancing alone, right? So I slithered over to Storm and pointed her in Helen's direction, and she was like, hell yeah.

So she went over and asked Helen to dance, and Helen got all flustered but agreed, so they danced for like, half an hour or something? Then they sort of scuttled to the back of the bar, and sure enough, when I looked over there later, they were making out!

So that's a very exciting development. I'm looking forward to seeing where that goes!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: Hey, Jason, it's Eileen. I just wanted to say, thank you so much for inviting me to your birthday party.

[Smitten] I kind of... I mean, I was planning to just go hang out for a bit, but... well, then I met Alex, and my whole night changed.

I have no idea where that might go, but... I'm excited to find out. So... thank you. I think your birthday party found me a sweetheart.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. You'll be glad to hear that our crashers were all very helpful in cleaning up and setting things up for today.

I'm really glad you had such a good time. I mean... that was the whole reason for it, after all. And... I know what you mean about feeling like you can touch humanity. Sometimes I feel like that too. Like... I don't know how to explain it. Like... you know that feeling, sonder? The one that's when you realize everyone else has as much of a complex life as we do? It's a little bit like that, I think, only instead of just realizing everyone else's life is as complex and beautiful as mine is, it's like I've brushed my hand up against the web that everyone's combined lives make. It's... a really beautiful feeling.

Oh, and Helen was looking very, very happy when we had breakfast this morning. I asked her how her night was after I went to bed, and she got all flustered and blushy. So... yeah. Exciting developments indeed.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hey baby. Week eight! I will probably get tired of announcing what week it is at some point, but... it's still pretty exciting right now.

I keep wondering what you're going to be like when you grow up. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I can't help it.

Will you be queer, like me? Or will you be straight? Do I even know how to raise a straight kid?

Will you get married? Will you be monogamous? [Laughs] Oh god, are you going to have to come out to me as a straight monogamous person? Oh my lord.

Will you have kids? Will I... wait, wow, will I be a grandmother some day? God, that's weird to think about. But I guess it's something that could happen.

Are you going to want a career? Or are you going to be more like... work to pay for the weekend? Because that's good too, honestly. Life doesn't have to be about work.

[Thoughtful] It's weird, because... I have all these hopes for you. Like... I hope you'll be queer, I hope we have that in common, you know? And I hope that... regardless of whether it's a career or just a hobby, I hope that you find some activity that makes you feel fulfilled, you know? I hope that you find that you have purpose in life.

I hope... [Laughs] I hope you'll eat your vegetables, and... I hope you'll be creative, like an artist. I hope you make a tonne of friends. I hope you find someone you love, or lots of someones, and they love you too, and you spend your lives happy to be involved with each other.

But, you know... those are just my hopes, and they're mine. Maybe you'll hate art. Maybe you'll hate romance. Maybe you'll want to be a banker, and spend your free time hiking, or playing board games with just a couple of close friends.

And if so? Then that's perfect. Your life is yours, my sweet baby. I'm so excited to bring you to life, and I'm so excited to be your mother. But your life is yours. Don't let me tell you what you need to be happy. You can figure that out for yourself, okay?

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Thulium Rhydderch is voiced by Bismuth. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 67 - Time Capsule

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Worried] Hey, Jason, it's Helen. I'm a little worried about Kane? He was out the back, crying, and... I asked him if he wanted me to go wake you but he said no, he was fine. But... people who are crying aren't usually fine.

I don't really know what to do, so... I told him I'd make him some tea, and that's what I'm doing now. I guess... I'll take it out to him and see if I can make him feel a bit better. I don't know how, but... I'll try.

But yeah, I just wanted to give you a heads up. I hope he's okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. I'm having some trouble sleeping, so... I'm the one leaving a late night voicemail for once.

I'm sorry again for worrying you and Helen. Hearing Mumma's voice again was just... it was just so much. It was so much, Jason. I felt like... god, how do I even describe it.

I felt like I was every age I've ever been. I felt like I was a little kid, and a teenager, and a young adult... I felt so happy to hear her, but I also felt devastated to remember that she's gone, and how much it hurt to lose her.

[Wistfully] I... I could suddenly remember her more clearly. Sometimes when I remember her, all I can remember is her hair - it was really tightly curly, and as it got longer it got bigger, and sometimes she'd get highlights and it made her look like she was permanently lit by the sun.

But hearing her again, I could picture her face, and her shoulders, and the clothes she used to wear. I remembered that she used to wear rose oil as perfume, and I could almost smell it again.

It was... also really strange, because... she sounds so young on the tape. When she recorded these, she was only a few years older than I am now. And I mean... I guess at least that's a normal thing to feel strange about, I think most people forget our parents used to be young once.

I don't feel bad, I really don't. I wasn't crying because I felt bad. I just felt... overwhelmed, I guess. Hearing her voice again is like being haunted. It's like I can feel her with me again. And that's by no means a bad feeling. It's just... very intense.

[Sigh] I should probably try and get back to sleep. I could really use the rest.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Gently] Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I'm just about to head to bed and I just thought... well, I know you check your voicemails every day, and... I just wanted to tell you that I hope you're feeling better.

And... I hope that it doesn't hurt too much to listen to the tapes. But I'm here for you if you need me, okay? If you need a hug or another cup of tea, just... let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night, tonight, lots of customers. Just closed up, and for once I'm not the last person to bed! Tom and Brandon and Ricardo are playing board games. I considered joining them, but frankly I am not smart enough to understand what they're playing, so. I've just been hanging out behind the bar like usual.

And hey, don't apologise too hard for crying. Sure, we were worried about you, but we get it. This is kind of a big deal. Personally, I'm pretty glad at least someone had a good enough relationship with their mother that they get emotional over hearing her voice.

You let me know if there's anything I can do for you all through this, okay? Anything you need, I'll make it happen.

And Kane? It sounds like your mum was really beautiful. I think she must have been. You'll have to find a picture to show me, sometime. We'll make room to put it up on the bookshelf.

I love you. I hope you sleep really, really well.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hi there, baby! It's week seven. You've been doing a lot of work making me feel very nauseous, so if you could knock that off for a bit, I'd really appreciate it.

So, I guess I should tell you a bit more about myself. Let you know what kind of person you're ending up with. In terms of who am I am other than just your Mumma. I mean, I guess that's the most important bit. But who is Mumma? Well, let's see.

I live in Melbourne, with my partner Priya. We've been together for... I think three or four years? About that. We're not super into anniversaries, so... it's easy to lose track.

We met at the Women's Dance at the St Kilda Town Hall, and I fell in love with her instantly. We pretty much arrived at that dance having never met, left it together, and have been that way ever since.

Priya is the only partner I have right now, but it might not always be that way. I've never much been one for monogamy, and thankfully, almost everyone I've been with has felt the same way. I say "almost", because I've definitely been dumped for not wanting to be exclusive. But in the end, that's okay. It's good to be able to break up if you can't be happy together. That's a good thing.

Hmm, what else? I work at the Brashs in the city. That's a music store. It's not very exciting work, but it pays the bills and I like my coworkers.

None of them know about Priya, though. Straight people are... not very nice about people like us. Hopefully when you're grown up, that will have completely changed, and you won't understand this part of these tapes at all.

I like to garden. I have a lot of pot plants on our balcony. I'd love to move somewhere with a real garden some day, and some chickens, too. [Moved] Oh, wouldn't you love to grow up with chickens? I think that would be wonderful.

I have a lot of friends, all different types of people. You're going to grow up knowing so many people! It's going to be lovely, and you're going to be able to learn so many different things!

I'm not sure how my life is going to change once you're born. I'm told that it will be really hard. And I'm sure it will. But I think it's going to be really good, too. I think we're going to have a lot of really fun adventures together. You and me and all our friends. And maybe some chickens, too. [Chuckles]

[Click]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 66 - Julie

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so, I've made about ten million phone calls, or at least it feels like it, but I've finally found someone with a cassette player who's happy to lend it to us.

He's a night owl like me, so I'm probably going to head over and pick it up tonight after I close up. He's actually just over a little past Fitzroy Street, so it won't take too much time or effort.

Love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Happy] Hey! So, slight change of plans, Victor and Storm are coming with me to pick up the cassette player, and then we're going to stop by the beach for a bit before I come home.

So if you wake up and I'm sandy or something... sorry? I promise I'll wash the sheets tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[OCEAN BACKGROUND]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. The water is damn fucking fine tonight. Like, not even cold, it's just like... perfect.

Victor and Storm are still swimming, I just came back to the shore because... I love you, and I was thinking about you, and I wanted to leave you a message.

I wish you were here with us, but... it's good you're getting your sleep. Maybe we can come back to the beach on Monday? Just the two of us?

You know... it's really fucking weird that we don't come to the beach more often. I mean... it's like a twenty minute walk from the bar. You'd think we'd be making more use of that.

Damn, but it's nice though. It's been a long time since I've been at a beach at this hour. There isn't another fucking person around, just us. Which, I mean, shit... you don't usually get this kind of solitude in the city much, you know? There's usually at least a few people around.

Which is kind of cool in its own right, because like... you know that saying "ships passing in the night"? It's like that, it's like... hey, I see you, we're both existing at this really weird moment in the same place and time. And that's special, even if we never interact or see each other ever again.

Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense. You know me. I get weird and sentimental at this time of night.

I love you. I love you so much and so hard. I don't even know if I could ever really express the depth of it. I love you, Kane, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I'm home safe, and I'm gonna have a shower before I come to bed so hopefully I won't get sand everywhere.

Just to let you know, I'm going to put the cassette player in that little nook in our bedroom, near the computer. So if you want to start listening to the tapes tomorrow before I get up, that's where you'll find it.

Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Things are quiet downstairs today. Which is kind of good, honestly, because I'm... I don't know what to do about the tapes.

I don't know whether I should just dive in and start listening now, or if I should wait and listen with you, or... if I should even listen at all.

I mean... [Emotional] what if it just hurts? What if it just hurts to hear her voice again, and I don't get anything positive out of it at all?

[Deep Breath] Ugh, I don't know. I don't know. One moment I think, I should wait until you get up, so I can have you there with me. Then I think, no, I should take a few minutes and do this by myself, she was my mother, we were close, I should be able to listen to this alone.

[Emotional] I don't know, Jason, I'm so confused. I feel like I shouldn't even be in this position. People are supposed to stay dead, you're not supposed to hear anything new from them years later.

I feel like I'm not... like, humans aren't emotionally equipped to deal with this, you know? Ghosts aren't meant to be real. Even tape recorder ghosts. We're not made to listen to the dead.

[Sigh] Well, I think it's pretty clear that whatever I'm going to do, I'm probably going to be a mess either way. Sorry.

I know you don't mind, but... sorry anyway.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So... Michael's minding the bar for a while. I've decided to start listening to the tapes.

So... if you come downstairs and I'm not there, don't freak out, I'm just out the back. Probably crying, by the time you come down.

[Deep Breath] Okay. Let's go. Week six, since that's the earliest one that's here.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby, it's your Mumma, Julie!

I just found out about you. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I actually found out about you yesterday.

Six weeks pregnant. [Sigh] That was a surprise. For a lot of reasons.

I mean, my age, for one. I'm thirty eight, which is kind of old for a first pregnancy. And... well, doctors told me that I couldn't have kids. They told me that like... ten years ago. I didn't mind, I mean... I was a bit upset about it, but I'd made my peace with it, you know?

My doctor was surprised that I noticed this early, actually. Apparently there's a huge range of times when people notice they're pregnant, but for someone like me who wasn't trying to conceive, it usually takes a bit longer for us to notice.

But I knew something was going on, baby. I knew. My whole body felt different. I can't really describe it, it was just this... feeling. I just knew about you. Somehow.

Anyway... we can't have a real conversation yet, obviously. But... I still wanted to talk to you. So I thought, hey, Priya got me this tape recorder and microphone for Christmas a couple of years ago, maybe I could use that.

So I figured... I'd talk to you, but I'd record it. And then one day, if you want to, you can listen to these tapes, and you can get to know me from a different perspective. I imagine that the person I am to you is quite different from the person I am now.

So, yes. Hi there baby! I wasn't expecting you, but I'm really glad that you're coming. I can't wait to meet you. I love you already.

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 65 - The Tapes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason. [Anxious] So... I tried calling Priya back again this morning, and... I actually got through to her this time. And... yeah, it sounds like... like the Julie Baxter that she used to know was... was actually my mother.

Apparently they were partners, a long time ago, back in the 80s. They had to break up because Priya got a job at the ANU in Canberra, and... then they just kind of lost touch after a couple of years of long distance friendship.

Anyway, Priya was going through some boxes she had in storage, and she found a box of cassettes that had belonged to Mumma. Not like... not like, music cassettes. Like... personal recordings. Tapes that Mumma had recorded. Apparently they were sent to Priya by mistake, but she just... kept forgetting to return them, until she forgot about them completely.

[Sigh] I... have no idea how to handle this. I feel so out of my depth. I mean... I thought... I thought everything about Mumma was... finished, you know? Like... I grieved, I dealt with all her belongings, I scattered her ashes...

I... I didn't expect to really encounter anything new about her, you know? Like... she's gone. How can there be something new?

But... there is. It's just a box of tapes, but... it's something new. And I have... no idea how to comprehend that, on an emotional level.

[Sigh] Anyway. Priya said she'll post the box to me today, so... it should arrive in a couple of days. Then we can... see what it's all about, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I hope you're sleeping okay.

I talked to Victor and he's happy to take the first half of my shift tomorrow so I can spend time with you instead, okay? I know you said I don't have to, but... you really seem like you're freaking out about these tapes, and I think we need to get your mind off it.

How about we go to the movies? We haven't done that in like... god, two years, or something? Yeah, we are definitely overdue to go to the movies. I'll check some times and see what's on.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Yeah, the movies sound good. I just had a tiny panic attack about our coffee stock being a bit low, so... clearly I really need some distraction.

Don't worry, by the way, I'm fine now. Helen was around when it happened and she made me feel a lot better. And... I'm pretty sure she did it magically, too. It felt like someone was pouring cool water over my brain.

I... didn't think to ask her about it, though. Sorry. I was mostly just happy to be feeling a bit calm again.

You know, I don't think she does it magically every time she calms people down. Because... today was the first time I felt anything like it from her, and she's been there for me through a lot. Which kind of explains why we never knew about it, I think... she's just like this, naturally. The magic is like... supplemental. Something extra.

Anyway... I'm going to drink some tea and then try to keep busy. I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Mock accusingly] Jason! It's Storm! I come in before a shift so I can meet your man in person, and neither of you are here! I mean, I'll survive, but I'm terribly disappointed. I'll just have to make sure to come back in after work and wag my finger at you in person.

[Chuckle] But seriously though, the kid behind the bar said you're having a well overdue movie date, so I hope that's going well. I'm making myself plenty at home here anyway. We'll catch up soon. See ya!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Excited] Oh my god, Jason, I love Storm. She's amazing. I told her she has to come in the next time we're doing a late shift together so we can all hang out. You gotta remind her of that when you see her too, okay?

Also, she is making one hell of an impression on our customers. I haven't seen this many flustered femmes in a room at once since... ever, really. Storm's putting out some pretty incredible suave butch vibes. Honestly I'm pretty close to re-examining if I'm into women myself.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. Thank you for taking me out today. It really did help, I feel a bit more... well rounded, I guess? I feel like I got a reminder that the whole world doesn't revolve around me, and... yeah, I needed that perspective.

Heh, that makes it sound much more dramatic than it is, but it's the truth. It's easy to get sucked into my own head, so it's nice to be pulled back into the real world for a bit.

[Yawn] Anyway. Thank you. Hopefully I'm about to sleep really, really well, with no anxiety wake-ups at all. That's the hope, anyway. Goodnight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just closed up, everything went well. I've been popping up to check on you every now and then, and you seem to be sleeping well, so I'm really glad about that.

We sold another one of Michael's paintings tonight! It was that beautifully textured red and orange one. I'm kind of sad to see it leave the bar, to be honest. But I guess that's what I get for not, you know, buying it my own damn self.

Anyway, I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Anxious] Hey. So. A courier just arrived and delivered a big box of cassettes to me.

I... was not expecting Priya to send this via courier. I was expecting to have to wait at least a few days.

I'm... I'm not quite freaking out, but I am definitely something close to freaking out.

[Deep Breath] Okay. I don't need to freak out over this. They're just tapes. Let's see how they're labelled...

[SFX: BOX NOISES]

Wow, that's... yeah. That's Mumma's handwriting. [Quietly] Wow.

[SFX: CASSETTE FUMBLING NOISES]

'Week six'... 'week eight'... 'week twenty'... hmm. They're all labelled with numbered weeks, but... I can't find a 'week one' anywhere, or even a 'week two'. It looks like six is the earliest one? I... have no idea what that means. Are we missing some?

I guess the only way to find out would be to listen to them, but... [Laugh] where the hell am I supposed to find a cassette player?

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 64 - Hard Things To Bear

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. So, just like every other time I've gone to bed at a decent hour with you, I slept for a little bit and then woke right back up again. [Sigh] Oh well. I can always nap on the train home tomorrow.

I've just popped outside, I didn't want to risk waking Maggie or Brad, or you for that matter, by talking in the living room or something. I slightly regret it, because I forgot how quiet regional towns are, and so I feel reeeeeal fucking dodgy standing around outside at one o'clock in the morning.

On the bright side, there's not really anyone around to see me looking dodgy, so... maybe it cancels itself out.

[Breathe in] I think I might take a walk, actually. Just a short one. See if I can convince my body to tire itself out or something.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I found a nice park. There's possums.

[Sigh] Ah, today was big. And complicated.

It was a really beautiful wedding. I know that's like, a cliche to say, but... it really was. And everyone was in such good spirits, and I know it's exactly what Maggie and Brad wanted, so... it's a winner from that perspective too.

I don't think I've ever seen Maggie as happy as she was today. She looked... literally radiant. Like there was just rays of joy coming off her. Brad, too.

But, uh... [Sigh] It was hard to see my parents. It always is. We're not estranged enough for it to be reasonable to hate seeing them to the point of avoidance, but... they clearly dislike everything about me, so... it's not exactly comfortable.

I mean shit, the only time I've spoken to my Dad in almost a decade was when you magicked him into calling me! And then again today. That's been it. For years.

[Sigh] It's weird, but... I think I was holding out hope that they'd meet you, and then they'd suddenly... get it. Like, they'd meet you and they'd be like "Oh, this is such a nice young man, I'm okay with the fact my son's gay now". Childish, I know.

The thing is, I didn't even know I was holding that hope until we were standing there in front of them and my mother was scowling at us. Then I realized that it wasn't going to happen, and... it hurt.

But... now I know. Now I know that there's nothing I can do. Because if she can't look at you, and see you and me together, and see how happy you make me, and know that this is something good and pure and wonderful? She'll never know. She'll never get it.

I'm sorry about that. About her. About them. I wish they could see how great you are, and how good you are for me. I wish... I wish they could see that I'm happy. I wish they could see that there's nothing wrong with me, with us.

[Sigh] Well. I should walk back now. I love you, Kane. You mean the world to me, and I'm so, so glad to be with you. I have no regrets about anything if it means I'm with you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: Train noises]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey honey. Just a quick little message while you're napping.

I love you so, so much. I can't imagine life without you. You make every day a good day.

[Gently] And, just to remind you? It's not childish to want your parents to love and accept you. It's normal. It's natural.

I'm sorry your parents can't accept us. But there are lots of people who do. Your sister, and your new brother in law, and our friends, and everyone back at the bar, and probably a lot more even than that. We've still got a family. It just looks a little bit different to the one your parents think it should.

I love you, and it's your parents' loss to not embrace you. You're beautiful and kind and loved by so many people. And especially by me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Ricardo, it's Michael.

I'm having kind of a bad morning, and... well, you said leaving messages on Jason's phone helps you sometimes, so... I'm hoping you don't mind if I try leaving you one. If you don't want me to do this, just let me know, and I won't do it again.

[Downhearted] I still haven't found another job. Victor is covering my rent for this month, and... I feel awful. The money from selling my paintings let me pay him back for last month's rent, but... now I'm behind again.

I don't want to rely on him for this. I thought that I'd be okay, leaving the Best of Luck Bar, I thought... I thought that I could find something. But... it's hard. No one wants to hire me.

And I still have nightmares. About what happened. And... you understand. I try not to talk to anyone else about it, because they don't know what it's like. I don't want them thinking I'm falling apart, you know?

I'm not falling apart. I'm just...

[Plainly] There are scars in me from what happened. And scars are healed flesh, but they're changed. I'm changed. And that's mostly all right. I know my own heart, I know how to get through the day, but... sometimes I just want someone to tell me it will all be okay. I don't want them to pity me while they do it, and I don't want them to treat me like a child for it.

But I know you won't do that, because you know how it is.

I'm sorry that you know how it is. We shouldn't have had suffered it. But I'm glad that we can be there for each other.

Thank you, Ricardo. I feel better having talked about this. Let me know if I can ever do the same for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey, Michael. I'm sorry I missed your call, but I got your message. And... yeah. I know how it is. Not just the nightmares, either.

I've been relying on Jason and Kane since I got here, and I hate that, sometimes. Needing help to make ends meet feels humiliating.

But you know, I asked Jason about it once, and I bet if you ask Victor about it he'd say the same thing: we're not burdens. They want to help us because they care about us. It's not out of duty or obligation or pity. It's out of love. And we'd do the same for them, if our situations were reversed.

And, Michael? It will be okay. Even if it doesn't feel like it... which it almost never does, at least for me. But my feelings don't change the truth, and the truth is that we will be okay. We have good friends who care about us and want to help us, and they will help make it okay. And we will heal, and our scars will fade, and it will be okay. It will.

And then? Then we can help them too, or we can help the next people who come along and need it. Because by needing help, we know how important it is to receive it.

Bless you, my friend. May we both sleep peacefully tonight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

PRIYA: Hello, Kane Baxter? My name is Priya Singh. I'm wondering, are you related to Julie Baxter?

I found your number on Facebook. I was looking for people with the surname Baxter in Melbourne, since I couldn't find her specifically, and... well, I saw your picture, and... you look a lot like her.

If you are related to her, please call me back. I have some things of hers that I'd like to return to her, if possible. Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hi, Priya. Sorry I missed your call, my phone's always on silent.

But... yeah, um... my mother's name was Julie. She... she passed away, a few years ago, though.

I'd... really like to talk to you though, if possible. Um... I'll try calling again tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Priya is voiced by Gemma Mahadeo. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 63 - Gardening

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Hey honey, I hope you're sleeping okay, but... I'm gonna come wreck it in about an hour. The train we were going to take to Wangaratta got cancelled, so... I rescheduled us for an earlier train. Sorry. I know that's annoying. but if we want to have enough time to settle in at Wang before seeing your sister... it's kind of necessary, I'm afraid.

Michael's already here, and Victor's coming in tonight for the late shift, so that's covered. I'm just gonna try and get some last minute stuff done now, so that I can just wake you at the latest possible moment and just kind of... roll you out of bed and onto a train.

Sorry. I know you won't even hear this until I've already done it, but... I'm still sorry!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: TRAIN NOISES]

KANE: Hey, Michael, it's Kane. This is probably nothing, but can you check the laundry? I think I left the dryer on, and it's been playing up and not turning off when the timer finishes, so... if you could check it and make sure it's off, I'd really appreciate it. Sorry. Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Kane, I checked the dryer and it's definitely off. So you don't need to worry, everything is fine.

And everything is fine, I promise. Everyone is good here. Nothing bad has happened, so... enjoy your holiday, okay?

And thank you again for letting me show my paintings here - I got talking with someone about them today and they bought two of them!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[FX: TRAIN NOISES]

KANE: Thanks, Michael. I appreciate it. Sorry. I'm just a bit nervous about meeting Jason's family, I think, and my brain is trying to find literally anything else to panic about. It's alarmly good at that, ugh.

Anyway. Thank you. And congratulations on selling some paintings!! Lots more will sell over the coming weeks, I know it. You're an incredible artist.

Looks like we'll be arriving at Wangaratta soon, so I'll talk to you later.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Nicely] Hey, Papa Bear, it's Victor. Jason texted me to ask if I could leave you a message, since you've been stressing out a bit. He thought it might calm you down to hear that things are good here.

Well, they absolutely are. Good, I mean. We're busy but not too busy, lots of new people and regulars as well.

Although if it would be more believable to hear how your children are misbehaving while you're away, Helen and Mira have taken your leave as an opportunity to put fairy lights up over the back lounge. But I promise you, I'll make sure they take them down before we all go to bed. There will be no accidental electric fires, don't worry.

Ah... what else? Oh, I bought in more plants when I came in, like you wanted. I was going to put them up over the bar, but Ricardo said you were really particular about knots that you, umm, wanted to use, or something? So... I've, uh, just put them on top of and around the back of the bar at the moment, and... you can string them up however you like, when you get back.

Uh... yeah. That's all I can think of. I promise I'll call and leave you another message if I can think of more to say, okay?

I hope you guys are having fun!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Tired] Hey, Papa Bear. Just closed up for the night, and everything went fine. And yes, the fairy lights have been taken down, so you don't need to worry about that, either. Although, I do have to say in their favour, they looked really good. I know you worry about the fire risk, but... uh, you buy, like, LED lights now, so... you know, I think maybe you should consider it.

[Sigh] You know... I've been learning a lot about gardening from Michael, and... I keep thinking about the Best of Luck, and about you guys, and... I don't know, I feel like I'm learning about more than gardening.

I know this probably sounds strange, but... I feel like our community is a bit like a garden.

Like... there's all these different plants, and they've all got different needs, like... some need more water, some need more sun, some need pollinating insects, that sort of thing. But they all need good soil, that's like... the foundation. You need good soil for a good garden. Without that, it doesn't matter how much sun or water or bees you throw at something, it won't grow if it's not supported by earth.

But it's not enough to ONLY have soil, either. You still need all these other resources - light, water, etc - and you also need to actually tend the garden. You need to pull weeds and get rid of pests, and... all that kind of stuff.

And I feel like... the queer community is a bit like that. We're all queer, that's our soil. But we all need different things, different resources, and different care, depending on our particular situation.

And our gardeners are like... people who run organizations, events, programs, advocacy... that sort of thing. Like, you guys are gardeners. You run this bar and take people in and you're like, actively working on making things nicer for all of us. You're tending us.

[Vulnerable] You tended me, you know? When I was in danger, and scared, and... everything, you took care of me. You're still doing it. You keep me in a job and you're always there to listen if I need to talk, and I just... I wanna do that too. I want to help people, I want to... tend the community.

I don't know if I'm up for being a gardener yet. Maybe just a more useful plant. But I mean that's a thing, too, like... plants can look after each other. Some plants keep bugs away, or enrich the soil, stuff like that.

I want to help, I just... don't know how, yet.

Anyway... god, I've talked for long enough. Sorry. Good thing Telstra increased the voicemail limit, huh?

I'm going to go to sleep now. And... who knows, maybe I'll dream up some answers.

I hope Wangaratta is treating you guys well, and Jason's family is being nice. We'll keep things running smoothly at this end.

And... thank you. For the tending.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 62 - Storm

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, hope you're sleeping well. Things are quiet again tonight, but that's not surprising. Wednesday nights aren't usually raging party nights. For most people. Personally, I think any night is ripe to be a raging party night if you want it to be, but... well, it's not my fault that society can't handle that truth.

So, I've been thinking, and I think you're right, we should ask Michael and Victor for some more plants for the bar. I've grown quite fond of these little sprigs, and I think it'd be nice to add some more greenery if we can. We can definitely talk about hanging plants over the bar like you wanted.

[FX: Door opens]

Ah, customer! I'll talk to you later. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: BABE. I've made a new best friend, she's basically the best person ever. Except for you, obviously, clearly you're the best person ever. BUT. She's a close second.

STORM: [Impatiently] Hey, c'mon! Gimme the phone!

JASON: ANYWAY, she wants in on this voicemail, so! Kane, my beloved boyfriend, meet Storm! our newest customer and like, clearly, one of the greatest people in the universe.

STORM: [Energetic] Hi! Kane, it's an honour to meet you via this most treasured form of communication between you two weirdos.

[JASON LAUGHS IN BACKGROUND]

When Jason was telling me that you guys leave voicemails for each other like love notes, I basically died. That's the cutest fucking thing I've ever heard.

Anyway! Anyway. [Serious] Kane. Kane, listen to me. This is a very special moment. I feel like fate brought me here.

Do you know how hard it is to find somewhere to go at this hour, that is not a bar full of drunken twenty year old straight men? It is extremely, extremely fucking hard. Walking into the Best of Luck Bar was like reaching a god damn oasis.

Jason said you did most of the work in terms of getting this bar up and running, so I owe you a god damn debt.

[Majestically] You are a prince among men, Kane, boyfriend of Jason. Thank you for granting a cup of peppermint tea and a god damn moment of peace and quiet to a nurse that just got off a ten hour shift and is looking at still another hour's drive home.

Bless you, and bless this tiny little bar that you have put together, and bless your weird voicemail thing with your boyfriend. Bless you.

JASON: ISN'T SHE GREAT? Hopefully you'll get to meet her in person sometime, assuming that she ever has a shift that doesn't end while you're sleeping.

I'm going to get her to tell me some gruesome medical stories right now, but I promise I'll leave you another message before I head to bed, okay?

STORM: Bye Kane!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Sweetly] Hey baby. It is... veeeeery late, or early, or whatever. Storm stuck around for a bit past closing, actually. It's uh... it's closer to five than three, let's put it that way.

I think she was a little bit delirious, or clearly some kind of superhero, because I can't fathom being that cheerful and chatty after ten hours of doing ANYTHING, let alone working. Let alone working as a nurse, isn't that like... one of the most draining jobs in existence, or something?

Anyway. She's amazing. You know how sometimes you meet people, and you just... click? Like you just know, yes. This is someone I'm going to be good friends with. This is someone compatible with me, and my friends, and my lifestyle. That kind of thing. I felt that with her.

I don't know, maybe I'm just drunk on the wee hours. Shit does get weird this time of night. Inhibitions lower, everything's blurrier and sharper at the same time... yeah, I don't know. Everything is surreal and hyperreal and other... real... things.

Man, I should get to bed before the sun comes up.

I love you. And I haven't said it in a while, so, just a reminder? Thank you. You've made my life something amazing. It really is thanks to you and so much of your efforts that we have the Best of Luck Bar, and... just, thank you. Thank you for everything. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] Hey honey. I gotta say, those were some interesting voicemails to wake up to.

I'm glad you made a new friend. I look forward to meeting her face sometime, since I've already met her voice. Assuming her shifts work out in a way for that to happen.

[Serious] And, Jason... this was a team effort. We could go "no, you did more to make this happen!" at each other all day, and in fact I'm pretty sure we have done that at some point in the past. But I think at this point we should just concede that we both put a lot of work into the bar.

I couldn't have done this without you, and you couldn't have done this without me. And that's okay, Jason, actually, that's... wonderful. It's all the more impressive in that it was both of us. We made it happen together.

We're a team. And the longer we're together... the more and more that feels true.

You know... I always worried about getting too wrapped up in someone. Like I'd disappear if I let myself get in too deep, you know? But... the complete opposite has happened. Being with you has made me more 'me' than... anything else in my life. The person I am now doesn't need you in order to exist or anything, but... I'm better because of you, and I'm better with you.

I love you. Thank you for everything.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Sian Dart for naming Storm.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 61 - Invitations

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Excited] Heeey! Guess what we just got in the mail!! An invitation to your sister's wedding!!

It's really pretty, I think there's like, real lace on this. And it's...

[Shocked] Holy shit, Jason. It's in two weeks.

Who sends out wedding invitations only two weeks head of time? Wait, hang on, there's a note in here as well...

[Reading] "A note to our guests: sorry for the short notice, but we grew tired of waiting for 'the right moment' to get married. We're excited to continue our lives together as a married couple as soon as we can, and what better moment to mark the change than new years day?"

[Verbal shrug] Well. That sure is one way to throw a wedding, I guess. Did you know about this? This feels like something that would come up in conversation when you talk to Maggie on the phone or something.

Well, uh, I guess we need to roster Victor and Michael for that weekend. Because, as I said a long time ago, I am not missing your sister's wedding. Aside from the fact I love weddings, I haven't even met your family yet, and a wedding seems like a nice time to do it.

[Excited] Ooh, we're gonna have to buy you a suit! Oh, that's gonna be fun. For me, mostly. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how you scrub up all fancy.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Solemn] Hey. Sarah just came in, she wanted to double check that she's still welcome here. Of course I told her that she was, and so did everyone else - even Mira. Then Sarah and Mira sat together and drank some tea and finished up some last minute breakup housekeeping - you know, who gets which books and that sort of thing.

I did my best not to eavesdrop, but when they both started crying a little I did head over to check on them. They were okay though. Just sad about breaking up.

Sarah left looking a bit better than when she came in, and Mira looks like she's had a weight lifted. Like, they're both still sad, that much is clear, but... I think today was a turning point for them.

I'm so glad they're handling themselves so well. Not just that they're looking after themselves and all that, but... they were still very gentle with each other, even in that painful time right after the breakup itself. There's no animosity. Just sadness, and that's understandable.

They're good girls. They'll be okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Pretty busy night tonight, but all closed up now.

We need to order more of that fancy Tasmanian tea again, by the way. It continues to sell fast as hell.

[Content sigh] Ah... I like nights like tonight. Lots of people to keep me occupied, lots of life downstairs. I do still miss clubbing sometimes, to be honest, so... nights like this help ease that a bit.

Better soak it all up best I can before we have to go to the country for a bit, yikes.

I know you're excited but... I'm conflicted. Like I've said before, I'm not a huge fan of weddings, and... family is complicated. I mean... I'll be there, for my sister, no doubt about that. I'm happy for her, and I love her soon-to-be husband.

But... our parents will probably be there too, and that's... well, that'll be interesting, that's for sure.

Ah well, [Sigh] let's stay positive. At least I'll have you with me. And hopefully it will be a lovely wedding and no one will tell us that we're going to hell.

I love you. I love you so much I'm even going to let you make me wear a suit. Which, frankly, says an awful lot about the high level of my devotion.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Tired] Hey Papa Bear. I kind of wanted to talk, but... not to anyone who might talk back, and... I don't know, I hope it's okay if I leave you another voicemail or two. I just... I need to clear my head, I think, and... this is actually a really helpful way of doing that.

[Sigh] [Sad] It was hard to see Sarah today. I mean... it was good. [Tearful] But it was hard.

Everything feels more... final, now. Like... it's not that... didn't feel final before, it's just... now it feels like something that's happened, rather than something that's still happening, you know?

I'm glad we're still on good terms. And I'm glad she feels like she can still come to the bar. Like... it's painful for me to see her, but I still want her to feel welcome and involved with the people here. I don't want us to be on the other side of a social chasm, you know? I want us to be okay.

[Quietly] I just want us to be okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey, CJ... it's Ricardo.

I know it's probably weird to get a voicemail from me when you're going to wake up next to me, but... well, I started leaving voicemails for Jason when I couldn't sleep, and so... now I'm kind of developing that as a habit, I guess.

[Nervous] But... I don't need to connect with Jason tonight. I just want to talk, and... I want to talk to you. Even if you're not available to listen right this second.

Thank you for this weekend. [More nervous] I'm... sorry I freaked out last night after meeting your housemates. I... I know I can be a lot to deal with. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get better, I really am. I'm just... not there yet.

[Calmer] But... I had a really good time at Healesville today. I felt... a bit lighter.

I love animals so much, and... getting to see them all, and be with you at the same time was really, really good. I felt like my soul could breathe.

Thank you for helping me get out of my head for a little while. Let's hold hands in the sunshine again sometime soon, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Happy] Hey Ricardo. I figured since you let me sleep, I should do the same for you now that it's morning. I was going to head out and buy something for us for breakfast, but then I thought it might worry you if you woke up and I wasn't around, so I'll just hang out in the kitchen until you're awake, okay?

[Kindly] And, hey, don't be sorry about freaking out. It's okay. Really, it is. We've all got our stuff, and I don't mind dealing with yours.

[Sweetly] Being with you makes me feel like my soul can breathe, too.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 60 - She Doesn't Believe Us

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Urgently] Jason! Apparently Ricardo already left you a message about this, but anyway, he took me aside this morning and asked me how long Helen's been able to use magic! Helen!

I was completely speechless. I mean... did you know Helen was doing magic? I sure as hell didn't, and I thought maybe... like, at first I thought maybe he just thought she could do magic, because she's just generally a really comforting person, you know? Like, maybe he thought it was magic, but it's just her being her.

But... he told me that she's done the exact same things that we do. She can reach inside people and affect their emotions. It's not nice words or good hugs, he said it feels physical. He can feel her gently smoothing out the spikes in his emotions. Which is... which is just like how it feels when we do it.

I... what's going on? How did we not know? She's been here over a year, how did we never notice that she can do magic too?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Okay, so, Helen update. Ricardo tried to ask her about the magic, but... she misinterpreted, I think. Which was easy to do since he basically just asked her "hey, how is it that you can make people feel better so easily". She just waved it off.

So... then he tried to be a bit more specific. Told her that the way she soothed people seemed supernatural, like she was weaving magic. And... she laughed it off. Said she was flattered.

I can't tell if she doesn't know she's doing it, or if she just doesn't want anyone to know that she can. Which, y'know... I can relate to, on both of those counts.

I don't know. Should we push harder, or should we just... leave it alone? I mean... whether she knows about it or not, she had the opportunity to talk to us about it when we asked, but she didn't take it, so... maybe it's better to just leave her be, at least for a little while?

God, I don't know. Fuck. I am... I take back everything I said about this not being dramatic. This is... [Astounded scoff] I don't even know! I am completely flabbergasted.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Bedtime voicemail. I'm... kind of having trouble getting to sleep, to be honest.

I feel so weird about today. Like... I can't believe we didn't know Helen can do magic. I feel like an idiot. Like... looking back on it? She's been... [Exhale] How did we miss it, you know?

Then again, I mean... it's not like what we do is particularly noticeable, right? I mean... it took Ricardo to notice it. As far as we know, no one else has ever felt our soothing clearly enough to know that an outside force was doing it.

[Sigh] Ugh. I just keep going round in circles. I just... I don't know. I guess I just wish it was easier to talk to her about it. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Quiet night tonight, just closing up now.

Ricardo and I had another go at talking to Helen. And honestly? I don't think she knows she's doing it.

I ended up getting kind of... direct, which... sorry in advance, I know you're probably not a huge fan of that idea. But I mean... I'm not the brightest crayon, you know? I can only talk in code for so long before I get kind of confused myself.

She was... not particularly convinced that she's doing anything magical. Honestly, the conversation reminded me a lot of when it first started happening to us, and you were like, "oh, no, it's just a coincidence, it's just this, it's just that..."

I asked her some stuff about how she feels when she's comforting people, and stuff like that since... you know, we definitely feel it when we do magic. It makes our brains all tingly and stretchy and stuff.

She did say that she gets that feeling sometimes. But she thinks it's like an ASMR type deal.

Ricardo asked her when it first started happening, and... apparently it started a few weeks after she moved in with us. So... we have a bit of a timeline, I guess. So that's something.

But... yeah. She's not really buying it, and... I don't know. I don't want to push her, you know? I think maybe you were right, maybe we should just... let sleeping dogs lie, at least for a little while. Maybe if we get anywhere in figuring out where all this comes from, we can revisit talking to Helen about it? I don't know.

Well, anyway. Other than things being confusing and Helen being a lot like you in terms of not recognizing the coolness of magic powers, everything's good otherwise.

I love you. I'll see you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Nervous] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. I hope this doesn't wake you. I know you tend to sleep pretty late.

Um, I kind of miss you. It's been like, over a week since I saw you last and... yeah. I was wondering if you'd like to come stay over at my place this weekend? My housemates want to meet you anyway, and... yeah um, I was thinking maybe we could head up to Healesville Sanctuary on Sunday? I remember you saying a little while ago that you hadn't been, and... yeah, I think you'd really like it. At first I thought maybe I'd take you there as a surprise, but... then I remembered that surprises are kind of bad and triggery for you, so... I'm asking about it instead.

Um, yeah. Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Awkwardly] Hey, CJ. Sorry I missed your call. I, uh... yeah, I was sleeping.

I miss you too. Things have been kind of strange lately. I wouldn't even know where to begin with explaining it, and I mean... [Sigh] It's kind of not my business to talk about anyway, so... ugh, sorry. Can't really talk about it. I hate to be cryptic like that, but... well, I know you get it.

Anyway. I'd like to come meet your housemates. And... yeah, I'd really like to go to Healesville Sanctuary with you. That sounds like a really perfect weekend. Sign me the hell up.

And... thank you. For not surprising me. That... really means a lot. Because, yeah, surprises can set off my PTSD in a bad way. So... thanks.

I, um... yeah. I really like you. Talk to you later.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 59 - Stars In Her Hair

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Nervous] Hey, Ricardo, it's Kane. I, uh... jeez, I hope you check your voicemail before you get up today.

Anyway, um, Jason left me a message letting me know that you can feel us do our... weird soothing thing. And I just wanted to ask you... maybe not to mention it to anyone else yet, if that's okay? We... still don't know much about what it even is, or where it comes from, and... we just don't want people to think we're making shit up, you know?

Anyway, um, yeah. I guess... we'll talk about it later.

Honestly, I'm... actually kind of relieved that you can feel it. It means... it means we're not alone, and it means we can talk about it with you. Jason and I... we haven't been able to talk to anyone else about this since it started happening so... yeah. I'm... kind of excited to have someone else in the know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I hope you're sleeping well. Tonight was a really late night for you.

Ricardo's gone to bed as well. I'm sending some more soothing sleep magic his way again, and, yes, I promise to be a bit more restrained tonight so I don't wear myself out again.

It was... really good to be able to talk with Ricardo about everything tonight. I mean... fuck, I've wanted to brag about these sweet fucking powers ever since we got them, and... well, okay, actually getting to do that was a bit of a let down since it turns out "we can make people happy and lucky" doesn't feel like much of a brag, but still. It's something.

I wish we had more answers to his questions, though. Hell, I wish we had answers to our own damn questions. Having someone else in on it like this is this huge reminder that we have no fucking clue what the fuck we're doing.

I gotta say, it's kind of disappointing that he didn't have any idea where all this stuff comes from either. I guess... I was kind of holding out hope that when we finally had someone else to talk to about it, it'd be someone with answers, you know? Someone who could fill us in on all the stuff we're clearly missing.

[Sigh] Ah well. It's still nice to be have someone outside of us to talk to about it. Even if it feels kind of weird, after so long keeping it secret. It's going to take some getting used to, I think. But that's okay.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Things are good down here this morning. Helen's been teaching Mira about all these different types of tea, including like... what temperature they should be brewed at, and stuff like that. She knows so much more than me about tea.

Huh. Potentially I should be paying more attention to this lesson. Maybe she can teach me some of this stuff too.

Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean. It feels kind of... surreal, actually. Ricardo knowing about us. I was kind of expecting it to be a much more dramatic thing too, you know? Not that I wanted it to be, I just... expected it to be. Maybe I just grew up with too many soap operas.

Ah, I should go. Couple of customers look like they need attention.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Quietly] Hey babe. Be quiet when you come downstairs in the morning. Mira was having kind of a rough night, she was really upset about Sarah again.

I stayed up talking with her, and soothed her as best I could, and she eventually started to feel sleepy so she's just gone to sleep on the red couch at the back of the bar.

I'm sure she won't mind being woken up before you open tomorrow, but, yeah, maybe let her wake up gently to the smell of coffee or something.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Mira's doing a lot better this morning. She's in the shower now. We had breakfast together and she had another little cry, but she's holding up really well, honestly. I was a much bigger mess during all my breakups, even the short term ones.

I guess maybe it helps that the breakup wasn't a mean spirited one, or because someone did something wrong. It was just... incompatibility. Which sucks, but... I don't know. Honestly, I'm so proud of those girls for having the strength to break up at all. Like you said, the temptation is to always say "love conquers all", but... all that does is push the problems back to be handled at a later date. It doesn't solve them.

Oh, it sounds like Tom and Brandon are up. I should see if they want breakfast too.

I love you. And I love our busy little bar full of good people doing their best at life.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Quietly] Hey, it's me. I thought I'd leave you a message to tell you about the absolutely adorable thing happening downstairs in our bar right now.

It's... about two in the morning, and there's no customers. Ricardo just went to bed a little while ago, so there's just me behind the bar, and Helen and Mira sitting on the couches at the back, folding origami stars together.

I can't hear what they're talking about, but Mira looks really, genuinely happy for the first time since she came back here. She used your sewing kit to string some of the stars together, and Helen's wearing them around her head like a flower crown.

I don't know, Kane. It's just... I love these girls, and I'm so glad we know them.

And I'm just so glad Helen is around in general.. She's just... I don't know. Everyone likes her. She's really, really special and I honestly treasure the fact she's with us. She makes me glad not just to be alive, but to be alive in the same time and place as her.

[Chuckles] Ah, listen to me. I'm getting all sentimental and shit. Normally I only do that about you. Or... well, no, actually. I do that about a lot of people and places and things these days. I never used to, but... now I do.

I do think you're the reason why, though. I feel way more comfortable being sentimental since being with you. You make it easy to have feelings and shit. It's safe and good with you.

I love you. And... I love that you help me love other people too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey. I love you too.

And I'm glad I make you sentimental. In my opinion, the world could use more sentimentality.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Hey Jason, it's Ricardo again.

Sorry for yet another voicemail. I imagine my voice is a little disappointing to hear when you're waiting for love notes from your boyfriend instead. But, well... you said I could call you, and... it really does seem to help to scream into the void. It really does.

I think, maybe, I'm starting to get why you and Kane leave voicemails for each other all the time. It's... different, but I mean... it's just another method of communication, really. With all its own problems and benefits.

[Sigh] I'm still having nightmares. I really hope the doctor I see today can give me something. I know you and Kane are helping me sleep, but... you need to sleep too, you know? You can't be beaming sleep magic at me all the time.

I should either go back to sleep or get out of bed. It's late - or early, I suppose - enough that the bar is open. I can hear people downstairs. So maybe I should just... get up, and stop lying here.

[Decisively] Yeah. Yeah, breakfast sounds good, if nothing else. I wonder if Kane still has any of those frittatas he made? Those were really good.

Oh - before I hang up, I keep forgetting to ask. I know you and Kane started noticing your magic stuff not long after you started seeing each other.

When did Helen start being able to use hers?

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Milton Hallin for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 58 - Ricardo's Observation

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [frustrated] Hi, it's Ricardo again. I'm... it's another bad night.

[Sigh] I keep having the same nightmare. I mean... I have a lot of nightmares, and they're not all the same, but... there's this one I keep having that wakes me up every single time.

I'm in a forest, and... I'm trying to run away from people who are trying to hurt me. But I keep getting my clothes caught on branches, or tripping over rocks, things like that. And I can hear the people getting closer and closer, and angrier and angrier.

And then I smell smoke, and the birds are flying towards me, and I realize that the forest is on fire. The people are still chasing me, and I realize I have to make a choice. Either I run into the fire and burn, or I wait for the people chasing me to come kill me.

So I run into the fire. I start to burn, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt, and I start screaming... and then, I wake up.

I mean, it's not exactly subtle. I'm trapped and I end up hurt and dying. I don't need a dream interpreter to tell me what's going on with that.

[Sigh] I just wish I could stop it. I'd give just about anything for a single night of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I should see a doctor or something. I don't know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason, if I'm not home when you get downstairs, don't worry. Ricardo just wanted company to the doctor, so I'm going with him for moral support.

We shouldn't be too long, the wait time isn't too bad at Acland Court. Michael and Helen are holding down the fort while I'm gone.

See you when you get up or when we get back, however it works out.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Shopping Centre Ambiance]

KANE: [Annoyed] Well, that was a waste of time. The receptionist made a mistake and there wasn't actually an available appointment after all. And they're booked solid at the moment due to some flu going around, so, ugh.

We made a new appointment for Friday, so that's something, but it does mean a couple more rough nights for Ricardo.

I'm... still in public, so I'll drop you another message when we get back. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So. Now that I can talk a little more freely - remember how I used to help you sleep through noise with magic? I'm normally asleep by the time Ricardo goes to bed, so I can't really do that for him myself, but maybe you could? It's gotta be a worth a try. Poor guy looks exhausted.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey. So, it's like... five thirty, Jesus Christ. Anyway. I'm gonna come up to bed like... right after I leave this message.

Ricardo was putting off going to bed for a long time tonight. Didn't want the nightmares, I guess. I get that.

We stayed up a while talking about stuff. We talked about finding him a therapist, but... I don't know if he'll try. Finding the right therapist is rough even when you aren't queer, you know? But... I told him I'd call QLife and get some referrals from there, so... maybe we can find someone good. I hope we can.

It was... hard. We talked about some hard things. But... I think it helped? A bit? I don't know. Maybe I just hope it helped.

Anyway. I've been trying to magic some soothing sleep his way for the past twenty minutes or so. I hope it's working, because I'm exhausted and can't wait to go to sleep myself.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Ricardo's not up yet, so that's a good sign towards some decent sleep. I've been trying to extend his sleep this morning, as well.

I hope you're sleeping well. You sure seemed to be when I got up this morning, although... you did look a bit rough. I think you might have worn yourself out a little last night.

I love you, but maybe use a little less energy if you try again tonight, yeah? You're not much use to anyone if you wear yourself out, you know? Good self care practice applies as much to magic as it does to anything else. Remember our mundanity rule.

I love that you're willing to tire yourself out for people, though, even if it's not the best idea. It makes me really happy to know I have such a caring and compassionate boyfriend. You make me feel like making the world better is not just possible, but achievable. [Sigh] I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Nervously] Hey, okay. So. Kind of a big development tonight.

I was chatting with Ricardo as I was closing up, and he asked me if I could, quote, "do that thing you did last night again", because it helped him sleep a lot better.

At first I was like, what, you wanna talk for a while before bed? Because that's cool, I'm up for that. I mean, I'm usually happy to chat with anyone who's still up before I go to bed. Helen's often around for it too. It's nice quiet bonding time, you know?

But then he said, "No, I mean, can you do that thing where you reach into my head and smooth out the bad feelings."

I must have looked like I saw a ghost, because he started asking me if I was okay, because I looked like I was going to be sick or something.

Fuck, Kane. I didn't feel like I was going to be sick, but I did feel like the fucking floor fell out from under me.

No one's ever been able to feel us soothing them before. Or at least, not that we know of, I guess. No one's ever mentioned anything even close to it.

I asked him for more details, and... it sounds like he's been able to feel us soothing him for a while now. Not the whole time we've known him - no, from the sounds of it, he only started noticing it after the whole thing with the homophobes was finished. But that's... that's still a few weeks now, at least.

Anyway, uh... yeah. So, I did soothe him, and tried to help him sleep again like last night, and... uh, well, he hasn't come back downstairs or anything, so I guess it must have worked.

But... holy shit, Kane. Ricardo can feel our magic. He knows.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Red L for supporting this episode.

Qlife is a real counselling, and mental health and referral service for LGBTIQA+ people in Australia. If you need support, you can can contact them online at qlife.org.au or by phone on 1800 184 527, between 3pm and midnight, any day of the week.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 57 - Checking In With Sarah

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hi Kane, it's Michael. I have some really nice cuttings that I've put into small pots that I could bring to the Best of Luck, if you'd like them? They are already pretty stable and don't need much watering, so they won't be hard to look after. I thought they'd look lovely on the tables, or something like that. So... let me know if you'd like them.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired, happy] Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail as requested.

Today was really good. Nothing in particular, just... overall, really nice.

Lots of customers, but not too many to feel overwhelming. All our boarders hanging out together and talking and playing board games to help Mira keep her mind occupied. You and Victor snapping each other with tea towels. [Laughs] He's better at it than you are, by the way. Sorry. I love you, but Victor is just clearly the superior towel snapper.

[Sigh] It's nice to have Mira back. [Flustered] Wait, I don't mean--fuck, you know. I don't mean it in that way. I wish it wasn't... I wish she wasn't hurting. I wish a breakup wasn't what made it happen. I'm not happy that she's been hurt or that she needs us, you know? I just mean... I just mean that I love that kid, and I like having her around.

I... should probably not call her a kid. That's probably like... super condescending. She's what, twenty one? She's not exactly a newborn.

She seems to be doing a lot better today, at least. I know it's going to take a while for her to really recover from this, but... I think she'll get through it okay. She's handling it really well, you know? Like... yeah, she's crying a lot, but like... that's kind of what I mean. She's letting herself feel devastated, she's not trying to push it away or not deal with it, and she's not getting angry or self destructive. Honestly, she's handling this really, really well, even if she doesn't feel like she is.

[Sigh] I hope Sarah is doing okay, too.

I texted her yesterday but didn't hear back. Maybe I should give her a call? I just... I don't want her to think that we're not here for her too, if she needs us.

Yeah, I think I'll give her a quick call before I go to sleep.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Sarah, it's Kane, from the Best of Luck Bar. Just checking in. Jason and I just want you to know that we love you and if you need anything to just give us a call, okay? I know you're probably hurting a lot and not feeling up to much right now, so... don't worry about returning this call if it stresses you out, okay? Just... know that we're here for you too, if you need us.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Bar's closed up and everyone's gone to bed. I'm about to do the same.

Good news though, Sarah returned your call not too long after you went to bed. She tried calling your phone first, but when you didn't pick up she called me instead.

She's doing as well as can be expected, just like Mira. We talked for a little while.

She was really glad to get your message. She figured we'd be taking sides or something, and that she wouldn't be welcome here, and that the first text was just kindof a politeness thing, you know? But I reassured her that's not the case. Told her again that we care about her and if she needs anything, she can call us and we'll figure something out.

So you can rest a bit easier. Sarah knows we still love her.

And... yeah. I know what you mean about it being nice to have Mira around again, even if the circumstances for that really suck. She was one of our first boarders. Before we remodelled, before the whole thing with the posters started... [Chuckle] wow, it feels like she's been a part of our lives for a really long time, huh? Even though it's only been... what, a bit over a year?

Man, who even knows. Keeping track of time is hard, fuck that.

[YAWNS] Man, sleep can't come soon enough. See you tomorrow Kane. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Although, how dare you. I am clearly the better towel snapper between Victor and I!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, Michael just brought in those cuttings he was telling us about. They're so cute, they're like little baby trees! I've put them around on some tables like Michael suggested, and it's got me thinking about maybe getting some more plants at some point. How do you feel about that “hanging plants above the bar” hipster sort of look? I feel like it has some potential, to be honest.

Also, I apologise. You are clearly the best towel snapper.

At least while Victor is out of earshot.

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Abigail Michelle for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 56 - Mira's Return

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Crying] Hi, it's Mira. I... We broke up. Sarah and I broke up. I'm so... I don't know what to do, Papa Bear. I don't know what to do. Can I-- Can I please come back to stay at the bar again? Please? I don't... I don't know what else to do.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey babe. Everyone's asleep and I've just closed up the bar.

Mira took a lot of convincing to actually try sleeping, but Helen... somehow managed to get through to her. Asked her real gently, "Please look after my friend Mira", and that... well, first it made Mira cry some more, but then she nodded and agreed to try.

Might have to remember that phrasing. Might help some things later on, not just with Mira. Admittedly it might have just been because Helen was the one who said it. She really does have some kind of calming way about her.

Speaking of calm, I've tried to send some soothing sleepy vibes upstairs over the past little while and... I think Mira's asleep now. I mean, I'm not 100% sure, but... I did duck upstairs to see how you were sleeping a little while ago, and I couldn't hear any more crying coming from her room so... hopefully that means she's sleeping.

[Sigh] Poor kid. Breaking up with your first love is so devastating.

I remember mine - he was this sweet boy named Cameron. We were... I think nineteen? So... yeah, not that much younger than Mira, I guess.

Ah, we were so bad for each other. Not like, toxic bad. Just... not compatible, at all. He wanted to do the serious boyfriend thing, and settle down together and all that, and I... was not up for that. So... yeah. Kinda the same thing that broke up Sarah and Mira, from what little she was able to tell us today.

I still gotta put chairs up before I can come to bed. [Sigh] Might leave you another message after I've done that. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey. All done downstairs now. Just outside for some fresh air before I come to bed.

[Sigh] Man, I've been thinking about Cameron since I left you that last message. I wonder what he's up to these days? I wonder if he found someone to settle down with? I haven't really heard anything about him since we broke up.

We probably stayed together longer than we should have, really. But you don't think about that when you're young and in love. You want to believe you'll get through anything. Love conquers all, and all that.

It doesn't, though. A lot of things conquer love, turns out. Compatibility. History. Circumstances. Stupidity.

I did love him, though. I don't think he thought that I did. I think he thought that I was there for the sex and nothing else. And I mean, I was definitely distant to him in a lot of ways. I didn't exactly have a healthy relationship with my own emotions, you know?

I didn't love him deeply like how I love you. You're... you're different from everyone else I've ever loved. It feels... way more intense with you. But way more casual and comfortable, too. I feel like I can be myself with you. All aspects of myself, not just any particular side of me.

But I did love him. In my own way. It still hurt a lot when we broke up. I got... very, very wasted, on many, many different substances for a good long while after that breakup.

But... [Sigh] I came good. And I'm sure Mira will too. I'm glad we can be here for her.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sweetly] Hey. I like it when you get introspective in the wee hours. I really like waking up to long voicemails from you. It gives me a really nice start to the day.

Mira's not up yet, which is a good sign, I think. Hopefully she's still sleeping soundly.

No one's up yet, actually. It's just me and the coffee machine.

[Sigh] Yeah. First loves are hard. Mine was a girl named Erika. We were... like the token queer kids at school, so... it was kind of natural for us to date, I think. I was... I think I was fifteen, when we got together? We were together for nearly two years, actually. I think everyone was expecting us to stay together for good, or at least like.... a really long time.

But, yeah, well. She fell in love with someone else, so... that was the end of it for us. It was... as good of a breakup as a couple of teenagers can have, I think. We were trying really hard not to hurt each other over it.

Foolishly, we tried to stay friends even though we were hurting far too much to be friends. And that... went a little worse than the breakup itself, sadly. We stopped speaking to each other only a couple of weeks later.

Hey, this might seem out of nowhere, but... talking about past loves... well, you know, some of mine are women. And... I've caught a lot of shit from people over the years for being bi, but you've never done that to me.

I just want you to know that I really, really appreciate that. Like... I know it might seem like nothing to you, but... trust me. I notice the absence of shittiness on this issue. And I appreciate it a lot.

Thank you. For being you. I love everything about you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Tired, Fragile] Hey Papa Bear. Ricardo said that when he's having a bad night, he leaves messages for Jason, and that it can be helpful, so... I thought... maybe I'd try that too.

Only I'm leaving a message for you and not Jason. I hope that's okay. You just... I don't know. You're really gentle and soft, and... I guess I just need that right now. [Quietly] I don't know.

I feel like the whole world is falling to pieces around me. I know it's not, but... that's how it feels. I keep looking at people who are okay and feeling like... "How can you be okay? Can't you see the world is ending?"

[Laugh] God, listen to me. I'm so dramatic. I'm sorry. I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to keep it together and move on, but I just... [sniff] I just... [Tearing up] I loved her, and I miss her so much already, and I just... [Crying] I didn't expect things to go this way.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Still upset, but trying] Hey. Me again.

Sorry. I thought... I thought I could talk about this without crying, but... I guess I'm not there yet.

[Deep breath]

[Sad] It was kids, you know. The straw that broke the camel's back. She wants to have kids someday, ideally sooner rather than later, and I... I just don't. I don't think I even want kids at all.

And... there was other stuff. Like I said, this was just the final straw. We just... wanted different things. Like... I wanted to experiment with open relationships. We're young, you know? I don't want to get older and feel like I missed out on something because I was monogamous from the beginning. I don't even know if I want to be monogamous in the long run. But... if I do, I don't want to regret it, you know?

[Voice catches] I... I thought we were going to try all that stuff out together, though. I didn't think... I didn't think it was something that was going to break us up.

I know... [Sigh] I know that this is for the best. We... we couldn't have been happy in the long run. Not like this. No matter which way we went, one of us would have been miserable. And I know that, I just...

I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

[Deep breath] You know, I do actually feel a little better.

Thanks for listening, Papa Bear. See you in the morning.

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Our Kink for supporting this episode.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]