Episode 84 - Ribbons and Ropes

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired] Hey babe. Just closed up. Another good night done.

Ricardo is still a bit wobbly. We talked for a long while tonight. No one else was here or left awake, so it was a good time for it.

He's still struggling. We tried to come up with ideas that might help, but I mean... well, the top idea is therapy, but who the fuck can afford therapy?

I mean... [Sigh] I didn't tell him this part, but I thought maybe we could look at our budget and maybe help him out with that sometime? I don't know if we can help much, but... I mean, shit. It'd be good, you know? If he could have someone to talk to who might actually be able to help? As opposed to just us, who... I mean, we all love him, but none of us know how to treat PTSD. We're all just... doing our best.

But the other idea we had, was maybe getting him a dog. I mean... I'm not sure if our lease would let us do that, but... worst case scenario we just... won't tell anyone. Lying about pets in rentals is a time honoured tradition, and it's not like we've ever had an inspection or anything since we moved in.

And... I don't know. I mean, having a dog could help a lot. It might help him feel a bit safer, and it would mean if he has a nightmare and there's no one around to talk to, then he'll still have someone nearby, you know?

Anyway, I realize I should have asked you about this before I talked to him about it, but it pretty much only occurred to me during the conversation. And I mean, it's not set in stone or anything, it's just an idea.

[Sigh] Fuck, I'm tired. I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Jason, you are a genius. A dog is a great idea. I'll talk to Ricardo about that when he gets up. I... will also call the real estate agent and ask about it. [Uncertain] Hopefully it'll be okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Ugh. Real estate agent said no to the dog. What a surprise.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: So... where do you think we stand on magic use and the mundanity rule when it comes to dealing with real estate agents? Because... I was thinking about it, and... I think we can probably luck magic our way into getting them to agree to it.

But... I worry about that. I mean... you know I'm kind of firmly against making people think or do whatever we want. But... we'd definitely do whatever was needed in non magic methods to get them to agree to this, so... where does it fall on the morality scale? I mean, I already asked, and they said no, so... I guess trying to turn that no into a yes probably doesn't pass the test, right?

Ugh. UGH. For the first time, I actually kind of wish we didn't have ethical stances on this stuff.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: So, here's a thing. I was thinking about the real estate situation, and... well, actually, I was thinking about how much I hate real estate agents, but it's related. I realized, we don't actually have to ask the real estate agent's permission to get a dog. We need the landlord's permission to get a dog.

From what you told me about your actual call with the agent today, it doesn't sound like they actually contacted our landlord to ask, they just... assumed it would be a no. So... this might be a way in.

And I mean, I don't think there's anything ethically dodgy about making it more likely that the landlord will actually hear our request rather than just the agent. I'm not even sure it's dodgy to make us a bit more lucky in terms of the actual decision - I mean, people make pet resumes and offer pet bonds and stuff to increase the odds of a yes all the time, right? So... this isn't all that different.

Besides... I really do think a dog would help Ricardo a lot. And I think we should do our best to make it happen. Our actual best.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Okay, so, I had a thought, and I have no idea if it will pan out, but I figured it's worth trying.

I was tidying the kitchen, and I found some string. And I was thinking about the string on the back of our door, and... remembering how Mumma used to tie knots for good luck when I was a kid, and... well, we haven't really experimented with that side of this stuff beyond the wards of the bar. I thought this might be a good opportunity.

So... I braided some string, and I tried to put some luck magic into it. Specifically dog-related luck, or at least, that's what I was aiming for.

I thought about Ricardo, and how much I wanted to help him. How much good a dog could do for him.

And, you know... it felt a lot like what Mumma talked about on her tapes, when she was soothing the pain of her friend. It was like I could feel my emotions flowing down my fingers and into the string. My desire to help. My compassion.

So... then I asked Ricardo if he'd hold onto the string for a while. I explained what I was trying, and he agreed it was worth a try.

We tied it around his wrist like one of those friendship bracelets we made as kids. Remember those?

Anyway. Ricardo is wearing a magic dog string bracelet, is what I'm saying. So I guess... I'm going to try and call the agent again.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Excited] Jason, it worked! I asked the agent to call the landlord and put our request directly to them, and she did, and they said yes! We can get Ricardo a dog!!

[Hangup]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: I'm getting a lot better with my superpowers, or whatever they are. I asked Priya if I could try calming her grief with a little superstition yesterday, and she agreed.

I'm still not... 100% clear on what's happening to me, or where these powers come from, so... I haven't really talked to her much about it yet. I've mentioned the strange things, but... she thinks it's just mother's intuition, like I do. Or did. I'm honestly starting to wonder about that, because... well, things are getting complicated.

So, yes. I asked her if I could try out some superstitions, because I feel like that's a pretty non threatening way to ask if I can try my weird powers on her, right? She said yes, and so... we sat on our bed, and I held her hands.

And it was just like the pain in my friend - I could feel her grief in her mind and her chest. It was so sharp and black and cold. I felt my own body in a different way - I felt this warm pulsing beneath my skin. My love. My concern.

So I tried to sort of... flow that into her, through our hands.

[Touched] And she started crying. But... it wasn't bad crying. It was relief. I wasn't... removing her grief. I was smoothing it. Making it easier to feel. And she... she could feel it better, because it wasn't so overwhelming.

[Relieved] And I was so happy, and so grateful, baby, that I started crying too. I was able to take the jagged edge off her grief, and that... I can't even tell you how happy that made me, to be able to do that for her.

It... stopped, when we stopped holding hands, though. And that was frustrating, because... I want it to last. I want to help her for longer.

So... I found this old ribbon, it fell off a dress I've had for years... and I sat with Priya again, and I tried to flow that warm gentle feeling into the ribbon. Then I tied it around her wrist, and... it worked. It worked! Even when we stopped holding hands, she still felt cradled by me.

[Emotional] I'm so happy, baby. I'm so happy. I don't know where these powers came from, but I am so, so glad that they're here. I can do so much good with this. I can make such a difference.

We're going to do that, baby. You and me. We're going to make a big difference in the world. I know we can. I know we will.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 83 - Just Be There

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Anxious] CJ, it's Ricardo. I... I can't come around tomorrow, I don't think. Or... today, I suppose, technically.

I just... it's a very bad day.

It's four thirty in the morning, and I can't stay asleep longer than half an hour or so at a time. I just keep having nightmares. I dream about being hurt and killed, and then I wake up in a sweat.

I came downstairs, but everyone's asleep. Which of course I understand, but... god, I feel like I am still in a nightmare, sometimes, when this happens. Like I am completely alone. Like no one else is real.

[Sigh] You're real, right? I know you'll be sleeping right now, and that's why you're not answering the phone. It is that, right? It's not that you're not real?

Sorry. Sorry. I just... it's a bad day. It's a bad day. I don't... I don't want to go anywhere today. I don't... feel safe anywhere.

[Sigh] I wish someone was up. I wish I had someone here so I know it's real and I'm not alone.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Gentle] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. I'm glad you're not answering. Hopefully that means you're getting some more sleep.

It's totally okay that you're not up to coming around today. Would you like me to come by the Best of Luck Bar? We can hang out there instead.

And yes, I'm real, I promise.

And don't be sorry. You went through something horrible. It's normal to still be struggling with the aftermath of that.

[Very Gently] It's okay. I promise. It's okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Weakly] I can't... I can't see you today. I don't want you to see me like this. I'm... I'm really struggling to hold myself together today.

[Upset] I don't know why you're with me. I don't want to hurt you with this. I'm so sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Frustrated] Shit, I'm so sorry I missed your call, I was in the middle of something at work.

[Gently, Lovingly] Ricardo... Ricardo, it's all right. You're not hurting me, I promise. I'm okay, I'm just worried about you.

You're not hurting me by being in pain. Even if you don't feel up to seeing me, that's okay, I get it, I can wait until you feel better.

You let me know when you're ready to see me, okay? I'll wait as long as you need. But you don't need to be feeling good to see me. I'm in a relationship with all of you, Ricardo, not just the fun bits. I don't mind being there for you when it's hard. I like being able to be there for you.

I love you, and I'm not afraid of being hurt by you. It's okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Awkwardly] Okay, so, I just realized that that's the first time I've said "I love you", and that probably wasn't the best situation for it, or the best medium, but, uh, well... it slipped out, and now it's out there.

So I'm sorry for the shitty delivery, but... I still meant it. I do love you. I know I can't fix you, and I know sometimes you need space from me, but I'm not afraid of you and I don't mind being with you when it's hard.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Emotional] I wish I could say I'm not afraid of you, but I am. I'm afraid of you getting tired of me, or getting annoyed at me, or thinking I'm pathetic, or just finding me too much to deal with.

I'm... afraid to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm afraid it will be too much. Just like I'm afraid that I'm too much.

I love you too. And that terrifies me. But... I love you too.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] It's been another rough week, baby. Priya's father passed away. His funeral is today.

That's where she is, actually. I'm home alone at the moment. [Struggling] I... was not able to go with her. Her family doesn't know she's queer, and... this is definitely not the time for that kind of revelation.

[Sigh] I'm doing my best to support her and be here for her. But, well... there's no fast track for grief. You can't zoom someone through healing. It takes time. You can't rush it.

So, I'm just... doing what I can. I hold her when she needs to cry. I cook dinner so she doesn't have to worry about it. I call her work and tell them that she won't be in today. I do the laundry and fluff the pillows on her favourite armchair, so she has somewhere to sit comfortably while she reads for the next few days.

It doesn't feel like much, from this side. But I know it's helping her, even if it's just a little bit.

It can be very hard to be there for someone when you can't give them what they need. But being there at all is the important thing.

She might not remember me doing the laundry in ten years' time, but... she will remember that I was here. And that's... that's what matters the most.

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 82 - Mama Jay

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Victor's still really down this morning. I haven't been soothing him - I asked him if he wanted to be cheered up when he got up, and he said no. He needs to feel his feelings for a while. So... we're giving him some space and letting him do that.

I'm really proud of him, you know? Like... this is an awful thing to go through, but he's handling it really well. Like, obviously he's upset, but... he's handling it.

Still... I wish he didn't have to.

[Sigh] Well, things are good down here otherwise. I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just letting you know Victor's gone home for the night.

He looked okay. Like... not great, but okay. We talked a bit before he left, and he actually got a bit angry, which... honestly? I think is good. It's healthy to get angry when people treat you badly.

Anyway. Still got a couple of hours till closing time. Not a lot of customers though, so it looks like I'm in for a quiet night. Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sad] Hey Jason. Sorry to leave you another voicemail, I imagine you're probably getting a little tired of me. But I can't sleep, and... I keep playing everything over and over again in my head.

I keep wondering... was there something I could have done? Could I have done something to make her realize how wrong she is? How much she's hurting me? Could I have explained myself better? Could I have gotten through to her, somehow?

I keep wondering, and I keep asking, and... the more I do, and the longer I think about it... the more I think the answer is no.

I don't think that she really wants to make peace with me. I think... I think she just wants me to shut up and be whatever she thinks I should be, like, like I'm not a person, like I'm some kind of doll that she can wheel out to impress her friends, or put me in the cupboard if I'm embarrassing.

[Upset, Teary] That... that really hurts, Jason. It hurts more than I thought it would. I thought I was over it. I thought I'd just never speak to my family again. And then... then... then she called me, and she wanted to talk, and I wanted... I wanted it to be real. I wanted her to want me again, and to accept me, and I just... [Sob]

[More composed] I just want my Mum to love me. And... it just hurts so much that doesn't. Even if she thinks she does... she loves someone who doesn't exist. I wish I had a mother that loved me.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Victor...

You know, I keep wanting to say, "fuck her, she's garbage! She doesn't deserve you!" and I mean... I do honestly think that, but... unfortunately, I'm also intimately familiar with how you're feeling. It's hard to hate your parents, even when they do horrible things to you.

Maybe she'll come 'round some day. Maybe she won't. It's okay if you don't hate her, but it's also okay if you do. This shit is complicated.

[Sigh] [Perks up] Hey, listen. You know what? You want a mother who loves you and accepts you?

Okay. Fuck her. I'm your mother now.

Okay? I am 100% serious about this. I love you so much and you're my kid now.

You already said it yourself. We're your family. And I love you and accept you completely. So I'm your mother now.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Laughing] Jason, you're a thirty one year old cis man. Not that I don't appreciate it, but people might look at us a little strangely if I start calling you Mum.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Don't argue with your mother when I'm telling you I love you!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sassy] Sorry, mother.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Jason, did I just hear you shouting "I'm your mother now" at someone?

Because if I did, I think we've finally found your nickname. One of your boys - I think it was Tristan? - actually suggested "Mama Jay" a while back, as sort of a partner nickname to Papa Bear for Kane... it was okay, but we were worried that it might come off a bit heteronormative.

But if you're gonna go around telling people you're their mother now, I think maybe you decided it for us. [Laughs]

Hope you like it, Mama Jay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane!! I'm a new mother and I finally have a nickname to match yours!!

This is the best day of my life!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Amused] That was one of the most confusing messages I've ever received from you. You're gonna have to enlighten me on the details of that when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtfully] You know, mostly people have been pretty good about it, baby, but there are still a few people who have asked me if I'm worried about you growing up without a father.

I'm not worried at all. I don't really have a father, and I'm fine.

I mean... I did have one. But my mother left him when I was still fairly small, and honestly? I thank the universe for that every day.

I think I've mentioned him briefly before, but the short version is that my father was rubbish. He was a rude and selfish man, and he treated my mother very badly.

He tries to make contact with me every few years. I ignore him. Well, not outright - I usually respond, but I just tell him that I'm not interested in any kind of relationship with him.

Maybe he really has changed. Maybe he's a good person now.

But that doesn't change all the times he made my mother cry. That doesn't change all the harm he did. I don't care how much of a good person he might be now, I'm not obligated to give him my time or attention for that.

I do genuinely hope that he's a better person now. I hope he's a kind person who treats his friends and loved ones well. I hope that if he is a better person, that he's found someone to love, and he treats them well too. I truly wish him the best.

But let him have his new life far away from me.

You don't have to love people who hurt you, baby. You don't have to forgive people. It's lovely if you can, it can be very healing for your own sake. But sometimes you don't need it, and that's fine.

You don't have to love or forgive anyone. No one is owed either of those things.

Not even me, by the way. If I ever bring you harm, you can forget me.

I hope you won't. I'll do my best to make sure you don't want or need to. But if it comes to that, then... that's how it is.

The only thing required of you is to do your best to be a kind and respectful person, and try to leave the world in a better place than you found it. That's all.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 81 - Victor's Mum

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Anxious] Hey, Jason, it's Victor. Uh... my mother called me. She... she said she wants to make peace. She wants to get lunch.

I was wondering... would you be okay with coming along? I'd feel better about it if I had you there with me.

I do want to see her, and... I would really like things to get better with my family. I'm just... I'm just scared. And... I'd really like it if you could hold my hand, you know?

[Sigh] Yeah. If you're not okay with it, that's totally fine, I get it. I know you've probably had enough shitty parent drama for a while.

But... yeah. It would really help me a lot. Let me know? Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Victor, of course I'll go with you. And I'm sure if you want more backup, everyone else here at the bar would be happy to help out too.

You know we love you, Victor. We're here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Worried] Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail. I've... got something on my mind.

I'm really worried about Victor and his Mum. I mean... it could be fine, she could be serious about wanting to make up, but I mean... the shit his Dad did...

Plus, I mean, she was at best okay with kicking her son out of home and at worst a main part of that decision. It just... it doesn't feel optimistic, you know? I just... I don't want Victor to get his hopes up for too much, I guess.

But, let's assume the best. Let's assume she's really wanting to make peace.

What if it fails? What if it just opens up more hurt than it heals? I just... I don't want to see Victor go through that. It's been hard enough watching you go through it, thank you very much. I don't want Victor to suffer this shit as well.

[Sigh] Ugh. Hopefully it will be fine and I'll feel really silly about all these worries afterwards. Hopefully she'll be sorry and lunch will be great and Victor will have a renewed connection with his family.

[Quiet sigh] Why does that just... not feel likely?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey hon. Things are a bit tense this morning. Victor's come in early, just to hang out and feel comfortable. He's not due to go meet his Mum until one, but... he's already edgy.

I soothed him a little, and so did Helen. Even if she doesn't know she's doing it. But regardless, it's helping a lot. He looks less jittery than he did twenty minutes ago.

[Sigh] I really hope things go well today. I'm glad you'll be going with him.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background SFX: Restaurant hubbub]

JASON: [Angry] Hey. So. We just finished lunch with Victor's mother.

What a fucking shitshow. She didn't want peace. She wanted to sweep everything under the rug. She wanted to act like nothing happened!

Oh, and she still wants Victor to not be gay, so, that alone is kind of a giveaway about how serious she is about making peace, isn't it! She wants him to just be "normal", and if he can't love women, then, quote, "there's nothing wrong with being a permanent bachelor".

She just wants to play happy fucking families and pretend like she didn't boot her child out into the cold because she's a shit mother who can't accept her son being queer.

You'll be pleased to know I didn't actually tell her to go fuck herself, but believe me, it took all of my self control.

[Sigh] Victor's in the bathroom. He's washing his face. There were a lot of tears.

I'm going to bring him back to the Best of Luck when he comes out. If you've got any cupcakes left or something can you put one aside for him? And maybe some of that fancy fruit tea, as well? I think he's going to need a good love up when we get there.

I kind of wish you were here. You're better at comfort than I am. I'm just fucking angry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Cupcakes and tea put aside. Helen and Mira have already claimed the comfiest couch up the back so Victor can have the best spot when he gets here.

[Gently] I know you worry a lot about not being, like, comforting enough? But trust me... that anger you've got is still helpful. There's a lot of comfort in someone else being angry at injustice when we're not able to feel it yet ourselves.

We'll soothe him when he gets here, if that's what he wants. But for now I think it might be good if he can feel your anger on his behalf.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey, Jason. I'm still awake. Can't sleep.

Thanks for letting me crash here tonight. Although, it's kind of weird to be in a different bedroom to the time I stayed with you before. Can't say I mind not having to climb the staircase to get to it, though.

[Sombre] I feel so stupid about today. I thought... I really thought maybe we could work something out. I thought that maybe Dad had calmed down and, maybe Mum had reconsidered her position, or... something. I don't know.

[Sigh] I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I should have known better.

[Brighter] But you know what? Even though it was horrible? Coming back here to the bar, and having everyone here hug me and tell me they love me, and get me tea and hang out with me... and tell me that I'm okay, and I'm normal, and that it's my parents' loss for not wanting me?

That was really... meaningful. And really, almost... magical. It was like stepping through a portal from a shitty world to a perfect one.

Even if my parents don't want me, that's fine. Everyone here wants me. Everyone here loves me. I have more love and support here than I ever did with my blood family.

[Grateful] And I wouldn't have any of that if you hadn't helped me when I first came here. I don't know if I can ever really repay you for that. I know I thank you for taking me in a lot, but... everything a family is supposed to have, I found here. Thanks to you and Kane.

Thank you.

[Hangup]

[Casette Noise]

JULIE: You know, I have no idea if you'll be queer or straight when you grow up, baby. I've told you before, I hope you're queer, but even if not, that's okay.

But the thing is, you're still gonna have a queer mother. So... I'm still going to need to teach you some stuff, even if you end up being straight yourself.

The world can be cold towards queer people. A lot of people think we're not even human. Even a lot of nice people still think that we're unnatural, and not really worth considering as a part of society. But we are, baby, of course we are.

The thing is, even people who don't think that... they still live in a society that does. And we live in that society too. So even if you're not close to the actual mean people, it can still get tiring, sometimes, to exist in a world that hates you.

So here's a secret, from your queer Mumma: you need to find oases.

You need to find pockets of space and time, with people you love and who love you, where everything is okay. You need to find places where you are welcome and valued. You need to find people who are kind to you. And then, you must be kind to them too, and welcome and value them, too.

When you do this, you create bubbles in society. Strong bubbles, that give you air when you're drowning beneath the waves. Bubbles that can raise you up again when you've sunk so low that you can't see the light any more.

These bubbles are very important, and you must tend them gently, and add your air to them whenever you're able. Because that's how we survive in the world, baby. We fight when we need to, and then we rest when we need to, as well.

Find your oasis. And if you can't find one? Cultivate one yourself. All it takes to start one is a single person, making the time and space for kindness, both towards themselves and others. Big bubbles can grow from very small lungs.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Victor is voiced by D.L. Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 80 - Drunk Jason Returns

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Michael, can you do a late night shift for me tonight? Storm wants to go drinking and I am so ready for it. It's been way too long since I let my inner trash bag out to play.

I know it's kind of short notice, so no worries if you can't do it, I'll just have to make sure I plan better next time.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Hey, Jason, sure thing. I can cover you tonight no problem. See you soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, I'm about to head to bed.

I'm really glad you're going out tonight, you know. I sometimes feel a bit guilty, like... I know you like drinking, and the fact we don't have alcohol here is... well, I know it's been a big change for you, let's put it that way. So it makes me really happy when you can get a chance to go drink and party elsewhere.

Anyway. I hope you and Storm are having a great time. I'm expecting many drunk voicemails when I wake up tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: People chattering in background]

JASON: Oh my god, Kane, I forgot how long the queues are to get into cool bars in the city. Storm and I are waiting in the longest line that's ever existed--

STORM: [In background] HI KANE!

JASON: I regret this decision. I'm going to die in this queue. Remember me fondly.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Sound of tram travelling]

JASON: Hey, it's me. We left the stupid bar with the world's longest queue! We're on a tram. We're heading northside to go to Sircuit instead. Apparently it's drag night, so I don't know why the fuck we didn't just plan to go there in the first place.

[To Storm] Hey, why didn't we just go to Sircuit first?

STORM: [In background] I don't know, man, we didn't exactly plan this. Where's your sense of adventure?

JASON: My sense of adventure lead us to spending half an hour in a line full of straight people. [Storm laughs] Clearly my sense of adventure cannot be trusted. Anyway, I'm gonna go drink like I'm dying and fall in love with every drag queen I see. Love you, talk to you later!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Loud club noise]

JASON: [Drunk] Heeeey! Hey! It's been a while since drunk Jason called you! Did you miss me? [Laughs]

Ah fuck, Kane, I don't remember, have you ever been here? Did I ever take you here? We should come together sometime, okay? It's... it's so good. So fucking good! The dancing is so good, and I wanna dance with you more!

We're gonna come here sometime and dance a lot, okay? Okay!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

STORM: [Drunk] Hey, Helen... ah... Helen of Troy. A woman so beautiful that mythology remembers her for that above all else.

However beautiful she was, you are a thousand times more so. You are greater than any queen that ever lived. Kinder than any saint. Helen... Helen. I cannot believe I am so lucky as to know you. I am blessed to have kissed you.

You are a goddess among mortals. I...

No... no. That's something I need to tell you in person.

But Helen... you are magnificent, and I adore you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Drunk] Mira! Mira, sweet, beautiful, efferve--efferv--eff--effervescent Mira! You are like the sun! So bright and radiant, and I, I'm just so incredibly grateful to know, so blessed to touch you, so lucky to... no, that's for in person.

I am by the ocean right now and I am thinking of you, and how beautiful you are. I am devoted to you, beautiful, radiant Mira.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Ocean in background]

JASON: [Drunk] Hah, I've corrupted Storm. [Sing-song] She's leaving drunk voicemails for her girlfriends! [Laughs]

[Relaxed] Ahhh. We're not at the club any more, in case the lack of doof in the background wasn't a giveaway. We were coming home but then decided to stop off at the beach for a bit.

Hmm... there's someone else here. Just one person. Some guy in a business suit, which is a bit odd. He's been standing there looking at the water for like... ten minutes? I'd be freaked out about if I could think of any discernible reason to be freaked out, but I can't, really. It's weird, but not like, scary or threatening or anything.

Oh! Oh okay! He's taking his suit off. Does he have bathers on underneath or someth--wow, he is folding that very neatly. I don't think I can fold a shirt that neatly, let alone a suit jacket.

Yeah okay, nope! No bathers underneath! That is just a man in his jocks! Yup! Is he gonna go swimming? But like, he doesn't have a towel or anything, so how is he... oh my god...

[SFX: Distant scream in background]

[Storm yells in background]

[Laughs] [Yells] YEAH! YEAH MAN!!

[Laughs] Oh my god, he just fucken... he just fucken ran into the ocean, dived in, and then popped up screaming because it's so fucking cold!

Oh my god, that was amazing. Fuck. Holy shit. [Laughs] I can't believe it. I wish you were here for that, because holy shit, that was a once in a lifetime experience. [Laughs]

Ah. Ah, I love you, Kane. I'll see you tomorrow when I get up. [Still chuckling]

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby! So, I got to see you again yesterday. On the ultrasound, I mean, not just your bump. I waved at you! I know you couldn't see it, but... it was almost involuntary. I'm just so excited about you! I can't wait to meet you.

[Contemplatively] You know, the ultrasound... everyone says you're a girl. But... that doesn't feel right. I know technology is supposed to be supreme or something, but... I'm sure you're not a girl. I'm positive.

I told Priya, and she said that she's heard about this, mothers disagreeing with the scans. She said that usually the mothers are right.

I'm inclined to think I'm right too. Especially with the strange... precognition powers I've got. I mean... generally they don't extend very far, and you're still a long way off being born, but... I don't know, baby. Maybe this isn't the same thing exactly. Maybe this is just a Mum thing, not a superpower thing.

Well, either way, not only am I sure you're not a girl, I'm pretty sure you're a boy. Like... really sure. I mean, I could be wrong, I suppose, but... I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt this certain about anything before. Why would I feel this way over something small like a gender if it wasn't... real? You know?

Well... I guess we've got plenty of time to find out who's right, me or the scans. But... I'm still putting my money on me.

But hey - I love you no matter what you are, okay, baby? Gender doesn't matter at all. I love you no matter what.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes. Additional sounds effects thanks to Kyle Evans.

Sircuit is a real gay bar in Melbourne, that hosts all kinds of delightful events most nights of the week. You can learn more about them at sircuit.com.au - that's S I R C U I T dot com dot A U.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 79 - Sky High

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: Hey, Helen, it's Storm. Can I steal you away for tonight? There's somewhere I'd like to take you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Happy] Hey, Jason, guess what? Tom and Brandon finally - finally - found a wheelchair accessible apartment that they can afford!! And they're getting the keys tomorrow! Which is... really fast, but, well, sometimes that's how real estate goes, just happening all at once with no warning.

I told them we'd help them move, and Victor and Michael want to help too, so... guess we've got a big few days ahead of us.

Anyway, you know that sad empty nest feeling I got when Michael moved out? You should probably brace yourself, because I suspect you're going to have to nurse me through another phase of it.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Wait, did that last message sound like I'm not happy for them? Because I totally am very happy for them. I'm just also a big sook. I can be both!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Hope you're sleeping well.

I know it's sad to see the boys move out, but it'll be good for them to have their own space. And hey, that's another room free if we have anyone else who needs to crash, remember? I mean, hopefully we won't need it, but... if we do, then we've got it.

But yeah. I know it's sad to see them go, even if it's a good thing.

I love you. And Tom and Brandon do too, and they'll be back to hang out with us I'm sure, so don't feel like this is goodbye. It's just the end of an extended sleepover.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Sternly] Jason, I'm calling to tell on Kane. He's been lifting heavy boxes even though we've told him that we can do it, and he probably shouldn't. If you can make him stop when you get up, that'd be very helpful.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: So help me Kane, if you lift any more heavy things tomorrow instead of letting someone else do it, I'm going to chain you to the bed for a week. And not in a sexy fun kind of way. In a "bad dog" kind of way.

Wait, no, I said it wasn't going to be sexy. Cancel that last comment.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, it's me. Storm brought me up to a BNB in Olinda, and... now we're at Sky High, and I can see the whole city, and it's... it's so beautiful, Mira. It's so, so beautiful. The city lights make it look like a city of stars, and it's like I can feel the whole population bubbling with their own hopes and fears thoughts and....

[Wistful] And... I wish you were here.

I don't mean, like, instead of Storm or anything. I mean... I wish you were here with us.

Not like... [Flustered] Not like that. And I don't mean that I want you to be here all the time or anything.

I mean, I love my time with Storm. I love being with her, and the way she looks at me when we're together. Having her full attention on me is... really special.

But... for a moment like this? For something this beautiful? For something this special?

... I wish you were here with us.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Helen, I can see you on the phone, and I know you said you were going to make a call, but do you know what I just realized?

I realized that you are probably not talking to someone in real time. You're probably leaving a voicemail.

I'm not bothered by it, I think it's adorable. I like the way you smile to yourself when you do it.

And hey, if you ever want to leave me long voicemails like Jason and his beau do?

I'll be up for that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [AMUSED, SWEETLY] Hey, Mira, I just wanted to say, if you like leaving messages like Helen does, or like Jason and Kane do? I'd be happy to receive some. I'd love to hear your thoughts any time you wanted to share them.

I just thought I'd tell you that explicitly, because Helen's leaving a message right now, and I suspect it's for you. And I have to say, I love it, I think it's adorable. I think you both are adorable. And I will take any excuse for more contact with or from either of you, in whatever form it may take.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: I don't have, like, the material for a long message right now, but...

STORM (off): [Laughs] You're going to leave me a message while I'm standing right here next to you?

HELEN: Yeah. Think of it like a voice selfie. We're marking the occasion with a voicemail.

STORM (off): [Cheeky] Oh, I see. So this is a special memory we're making?

HELEN: Yes!

STORM (off): [Sensually] Well, let's see if this can be picked up by your phone...

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Emotional] Helen! I miss you. That message made me want to hug you for a thousand years.

I know what you mean, though. I don't, like... I don't want us to spend all our time together or anything, but... sometimes I have moments like that with Storm too. When she does something super romantic or super special and it's just like... those moments almost feel incomplete without you.

I hope that doesn't sound weird or something. I just... yeah. I know what you mean.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Cheeky] Well, you've done it now, Storm. Now you're going to get long boring voicemails from me every time I want to talk to you and you're not there. I hope you're ready for that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Joke-accusingly] Jason! You infected my girlfriends, they both leave sincere and emotional voicemails now!

[Sincerely] Thank you. I never would have expected to look forward to voicemails, but now, a voicemail probably means I get to hear one or both of my girls telling me something beautiful. That's a wonderful and unexpected surprise. You have transformed my relationship with my phone.

I hope everything is going well at the bar. I'll probably see you when I drop Helen home tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Tired] Ugh, baby. I went shopping for you today. It was exhausting. I have to say, this was the first time in this whole process where I've been anything less than thrilled about you.

[Perking up] But! I got a bunch of things. Just the basics. A crib, some linens, a bassinet, a whole bunch of very boring cleaning things, and some baby clothes. I've still got a lot of things that I have yet to get, but this is a good start.

I'm not buying toys or anything fun like that just yet. I'm saving the fun shopping for when you're closer to term. Because from what I've heard, the last few weeks are hard as hell, and I'm gonna need something to keep my spirits up when you're kicking my insides around. So we'll get cute toys and things then. Oh, and booties! Booties are the cutest baby item. Those I am definitely saving for when I'm having a rough time.

[Exhausted] Uuuugggghhhh. I'm sorry, baby. I'm so tired. I gotta go sleep until I feel like a human again. I promise I'll try and make next week's recording more interesting.

Hey - I love you a whole lot though, okay? I love you hugely and deeply and nothing will ever stop me. Although we'll see how you feel about me in return after I've put you in this hideous banana onesie I got today. [Giggles]

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Sky High is a real place just outside Melbourne, in the Dandenong Ranges. It’s very beautiful, and definitely a nice place for a romantic date. Learn more about it at skyhighmtdandenong.com.au. That’s sky high, M T D A N D E N O N G dot com dot AU.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 78 - Commonalities

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, some flowers just arrived at the bar for us! Sunflowers. They're from your sister. The card says "sorry our parents are homophobic jerks", heh.

I... am just now realizing that I have no idea if we own a vase. I'll see if I can find one. Failing everything, we can probably use one of our water jugs, in a pinch.

I love you. And, Maggie clearly loves you too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Maggie. We got your flowers today. Thank you. It really, honestly, does mean a lot.

And... thanks for putting Kane's name on the card, too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: Of course Kane's on the card. He's your partner. He's family too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey. Bedtime voicemail, as requested.

I keep replaying your sister's voicemail over in my head. I'm really glad you played it for me, by the way. Thank you.

She said it like it was so obvious. "Of course Kane is on the card". Of course, right?

But... I don't know, I mean... considering everything? It... really matters, for her to think like that. For her to welcome me into her family like that, into your family.

It's a little strange, when I think about it, I mean... I've only met her once. But... that was enough. She saw us together, she saw how happy we are and how good we are together, and that... that was enough.

I've never really had in-laws before. My mother was always the one accepting my partners as her own kids, usually because they had shitty parents like you do. So this is... kind of new, for me, this whole, inheriting new family later in life thing.

But... it's nice. I like it.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. Yeah... it's nice for me, too. I've never really exposed many boyfriends to my family before. I usually try to keep them away from my parents, and... that has the side effect of keeping them away from my sister, too.

But... well, I mean, you're in for the long haul, so it was gonna happen eventually, and... I don't know, I'm just really glad that Maggie likes you.

All this stuff with my parents and Maggie and the pregnancy and everything, it kind of sucks overall, but... I have to say, I feel closer to my sister than I have in years. Possibly ever.

I wish we could have found our way to this position with a little less family drama, but... I'm glad we got here, regardless of the road taken.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: Kane, it's Ricardo. I've been listening to the tapes your mother left for you.

[Gently] Thank you, by the way, for letting me listen to them. I can only imagine how hard it is to listen to them, let alone share them with other people.

I know you said I could listen ahead of you if I wanted, but... that feels disrespectful, honestly. I can't even really articulate why, it just... does. So... I've caught up to where you were, and I'll keep listening after you're finished with each one.

[Logically] Knowing as much as we can about what's happening for people when they start being able to use magic gets us a little closer to figuring out why it happens and where it comes from. I feel like... I'm getting close to being able to formulate a theory. Or at least I will be, once I get a few more details.

I know you already told me about when you and Jason first started noticing things, but, if you could go through it again, in detail for me, when we're just able to talk, that would be incredibly helpful. There has to be some commonalities somewhere between all these experiences.

[Sigh] I'm about to try talking to Helen about it again. See if I can find out more about how hers works and when it started. Wish me luck.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Frustrated] Well, that went about as well as expected.

Helen is absolutely certain there's nothing unusual about her ability to soothe people. She says she's just naturally empathic, and she just cares about people, and she enjoys the ASMR feeling she gets from spending time with people and helping them calm down or cheer up.

"There's nothing magical about it, Ricardo," she said to me. "It's just an interesting mix of psychology and physiology. Which I guess is magical in its own way, but it's still very normal." Ugh!

[Sigh] I... don't want to stress her out about it, so I dropped the subject. Again. I don't know if we'll ever be able to convince her that she's able to do something unusual.

I did learn a little more about when it became more common for her to experience, however. We know that she began to use magic after she'd already been here a little while, but apparently it didn't happen suddenly, it came on very gradually. The tingling feeling on her scalp started very small, and just gradually got more and more intense over time - and practise, I'd imagine.

So that's interesting, because that also seems to be the case somewhat with you and Jason, and with your mother. And I mean... I can feel people using magic, I just can't use it myself, which is another odd ingredient in this stew. It seems to imply that there are stages to magic developing.

So... it may be that there's not a single trigger on this. It may be far more complicated than that.

[Firmly] I will keep researching, and I will keep thinking. I'm sure we will find some answers, if we just keep trying.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey baby. So... the weird mama bear intuition thing continues to grow. And it's gotta be a mama bear thing, because I noticed something this week. Well, two things, actually.

The first thing is that I seem to have developed some kind of strange precognition. It's not particularly useful - it only goes like, five minutes into the future, far as I can tell. Which is why I didn't notice it much at first, because it's very similar to just the normal feeling of watching something play out and knowing how it's going to go, you know?

But... it has started to get kind of spooky. Like knowing I'm about to bump into a long lost friend in the outer suburbs, or knowing I'm about to get a phone call from my Mum, things like that. Things I couldn't possibly predict with just general knowledge or observation.

And the other thing is... whatever it is I can do, whether it's seeing five minutes into the future, making a stronger emotional connection with someone, or soothing someone's pain... it's easier, stronger, and more effective if I'm thinking about you.

If I think about you, if I think about what kind of world I want you to grow up in, if I think about the things I would do for you... whatever feeling is coursing through my veins gets stronger. I can feel deeper, I can soothe easier, I can see clearer.

I'm pretty sure this isn't just a mama bear thing, though. I don't recall any of the mothers I've talked to mentioning that they gained superpowers while they were pregnant. Although a few did develop a superhuman sense of smell. [Chuckle]

So... I don't know why this is happening, but... well, I already knew you were a miracle. I guess I'm just starting to learn exactly how big of a miracle you are.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and Instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 77 - Prosperity

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Hey Helen, it's me. Everyone's asleep right now, even Jason.

I was sitting on the lounge, thinking about trying to convince Kane to let us put up fairy lights again, and I was just... overcome with happiness. I know that sounds really corny, but... I was just sitting there, and thinking about the bar, and Kane and Jason, and you, and Storm, and...

I just... god. When did my life get this amazing? How did I get here? And... if this is what life is like now... what's it going to be like later?

I mean... after Sarah and I broke up? I thought that was... it. I was going to be miserable forever. Or at the very least, I'd be alone forever.

[Happy] But I'm not either of those things.

I feel so... lucky. I feel like... I mean, I have a really cool girlfriend, and a best friend I love so much, and... I get to live with people who feel like family, and... every day is fun, here. Even the slow days. Even the sad days are... fine. Because we're all here.

I feel really, really lucky to be here, and... I feel really, really lucky to have you as my closest friend. Thank you so much for being my friend. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Oh, hey, actually... before I go to bed, there's something else I wanted to say.

[Awkwardly] This is... my first polyam relationship. And... I know that I'll probably fuck up somewhere. But I... feel really safe, knowing that Storm's other partner is you. I feel like... when I do fuck up, it'll be okay. We'll be able to figure it out somehow.

That kind of certainty? Feeling like it'll be okay, even if I fuck up? I've never... had that before. Not in a romantic relationship.

I feel that way about life sometimes, like... I feel like Kane and Jason will always be here for me, but... dating is a whole different thing, and... it's always kind of scary, even when it's good.

So... it's really impressive that I don't feel scared about this.

So I guess... thank you for being my metamor. Because you're really good at that, too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Mira, I think we just missed each other. I woke up stupidly early, and got up before anyone else did. Even Kane.

[Sincerely] I know what you mean. About... all of that, actually. I sometimes worry that our friendship is too intense, like... I'm going to break it, somehow. But... you make it easy to forget how anxious I am about that. When we're actually together, I... almost never worry about it. Which, for me, is... kind of a big deal.

Like, for comparison? I'm always worried Storm is going to get tired of me. Or that Ricardo is actually annoyed by me chatting with him late at night. Or that Tom and Brandon secretly hate me, or that Victor thinks I'm annoying, or that Michael thinks I'm pathetic, or that I scare away customers... [Sigh] The list goes on.

So, you know, I do worry about us, too. But I worry about it... less. That's... pretty big, for me. The only other people I don't worry as much about are Kane and Jason, and... believe me, it's taken pretty much the whole time I've known them to start really believing them when they tell me that they care about me.

But now I do believe them. And... I believe you. I still worry... I mean, I always worry. But I'm not scared. Does that make sense? I'm anxious, but... I'm not scared.

I'm glad you're my metamor too. But I'm even more glad that you're my friend.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Jason? It's Helen. Mira and I were... exchanging voicemails, because apparently your voicemail habits are contagious, and... I just realized something.

[Sincerely] I know... I know what happened with your parents upset you. And I think... part of the reason for that is that... family is supposed to stand by you no matter what, right? You're supposed to feel safe with your family. And I never did with mine, so... I understand why that hurts.

Anyway. I realized... I feel like that here.

I know I've already said this to you and Kane in various ways ever since I came here, but... I think it only just sank in for me. I knew that I love you guys, I knew that I love this bar, I knew that I love the people here and care about them, and I know that they care about me too. I love this community, and... it loves me too.

But I never really realized that... I feel safe here. Not just welcome, not just cared about, but really, truly, safe.

I've felt safe here ever since that night when I first burst into tears about you guys letting me stay and you just... reassured me. Kane touched my arm, and you touched my shoulder, and you were both so gentle, and you didn't overwhelm me with words or promises... you were just there for me, and it was so.... pure, and real.

I believed you. I felt accepted, and not just like... not just accepted, but embraced.

I'm not... afraid, any more. I'm not afraid of being alone, or being kicked out, or anything like that. Not any more. I feel safe with you.

I feel like... I know that you'd stand by me, no matter what. Like family is supposed to.

Thank you. Thank you for being my family.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtfully] Hey baby. Another... really strange thing happened, this week.

I was bathing one of my friends, and he was in a lot of pain. And I just wanted to comfort him, so I placed my hand on his forehead and told him that I was so sorry he was hurting, and it was okay, just relax.

And... [Scoff] oh, god, this is going to sound so unbelievable. But... suddenly I felt like I could feel inside him. Beneath his skin. Between his muscles. As deep as his bones. And I could feel the virus, and all the infections inside him, hurting him.

And I got... I got so angry, baby. I got so angry at this thing in my friend that was making him hurt so much. And I felt like I was... pulsing that anger, all through my body.

But... anger isn't what you need to have, in those moments. Anger is for later. Anger is for the doctors and nurses who refuse treatment. Anger is for the government not doing enough to help.

So I took a deep breath, and I let the anger go. And as I focused on my friend... I felt all my care and compassion towards him run cold through my body, instead. Not... not freezing cold. Gentle cold. Like the water in the bay on a warm day.

I... let that cold flow into him, through my hand on his forehead. And... he sighed, the kind of sigh that only people in tremendous pain can make, that they do when the waves of pain lessen for a moment.

And then he went to sleep. Just like that. For the first time in hours and hours and hours.

I need to know... if that was me. If I did that. If I can do it again.

If I can do this again, if I can do more of it... I could help so many of these people. I could soothe so much pain.

I need to... I need to figure this out. I guess... I guess I'll just try again, next time I'm in the right position to do so.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 76 - We're Here For You

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Angry] Jason, it's Storm. Helen just told me about what happened with your parents. Fuck, my friend, I am so sorry. I'm also angry as hell, and if you need someone to set their lawn on fire or something, you call me, okay? What fucking arseholes. How dare they try and get between you and your family? Your real family, the one loves you? What complete fuckheads.

Fuck 'em. I've got your back and I know everyone else at the bar does too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: [Caring] Hey, Jason, it's Michael. I just heard about your parents.

Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, okay? Even if it's just... I don't know. Anything. Even just coming back and hanging out for a while. Or watching the bar if you need a break.

Although, I suppose I do those things anyway. But... let me know if they're needed suddenly, or if there's something I can do for you I don't already do. Anything you think of, you just call me, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Awkwardly] Hey, Jason, it's Mira. I... I've been trying to think of something I can do to help cheer you up, and... I've mostly been coming up dry on ideas.

But... I've been thinking. You know how you keep joking about how if Kane is Papa Bear, then what does that make you? And how come he gets a nickname and you don't? So... I'm gonna put my mind to work, and consult with your nelly boys, and we're gonna come up with a good nickname for you, okay? Something that expresses how much do you for us and how much we love you.

It's not much, but... it's something I can do.

And... you'll let me know if there's anything else I can do, right? Because... I really do want you to feel better. I really do.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[SFX: Background traffic sounds]

VICTOR: [Emotional] Jason, it's Victor. I just heard about your parents and I'm on my way to the bar.

I don't... I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, but... you were there for me when my parents were horrible, so... I'm going to be there for you. Don't even try and stop me. I'm going to... to... to do something. Probably hug you. And... oh I don't know. But I'm still coming to see you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Gently] Hi Jason, it's Ricardo.

I was glad to see you go to bed a bit early tonight. I think you probably need it. You've been looking rough these last couple of days.

I know... I know we've all already told you this in person, but... I want to tell you again. If there's anything I can do for you, you let me know, okay? You... you stayed with me, all through hospital, and you've been there for me whenever I've needed you since.

Please... if there's anything I can do, please call on me. I'm here for you, Jason. You are so important to me, and I owe you so much, and... I hate to see you hurting.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Gently] Hey, Jason... it's Helen. I just... I just wanted to tell you again, that I'm here for you if you need me.

I know there's not much I can do, but... I'm here. I'm here, and I'm leaving you a voicemail, because I know voicemails are special to you, and... because of that, that means they've sort of become special to me, too. Because you and Kane are so important to me, you're such a big part of my life, and... so much of the good in my life, I'm not sure I'd have, without you.

Everything changed, when I came to this bar. Everything. And I'm grateful for that every single day.

So please. Let me help you however I can. Even if it's just... wiping tables, or making you tea, or something. I just... I want you to feel better. I want you to feel loved.

Because you are. You are so loved, and so valued, and it's ridiculous that your parents can't see and appreciate that. But we're all here for you, even if they're not.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tenderly] Hey honey. I'm glad you to seem to be sleeping well.

Everyone down here is buzzing. The news about your parents is spreading quickly, and well... people are mad about it. Everyone keeps telling me to tell you that they think you're great, and that you shouldn't listen to your cruel parents, and that you're a better person than your parents could ever hope to be.

Sentiments I agree with, incidentally. I... I've been avoiding bagging your parents themselves too much, because I think their behaviour is the problem, but honestly... what kind of parents are so cruel to their kid? I can't... I can't even imagine being so cold to anyone, let alone someone in my own family.

[Fired up] Like... you know what? They should be fucking grateful to have you as their son! You're so kind, and so cheerful, you make friends everywhere you go, you are a partner in a moderately successful business, you're helping the community... you are a fucking perfect child. You are an incredible person, and it makes me so angry and sad that they can't see that about you.

Fuck them. Fuck them, Jason. They don't deserve you.

You are everything good in this world. I love you so much, so deeply, and the fact you love me too honestly makes me have faith in myself in a way I never did before. If you love me, then I know, I know, that I am doing something right.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Exasperated] [Sigh] Jason, why do you never answer your phone? It's not even early or late right now. It's a perfectly normal phone call hour.

Ugh. Anyway, that's... that's not what I called to say.

[Awkward, Sincere] I called to say... I'm sorry.

Not just for our parents, but... for how... how I haven't been on your side as strongly as I should have been, over the years.

I should have... I should have stood up for you the first time they yelled at you for being gay, when we were teenagers. I should have... I should have stood up for you when they kept saying all those horrible things to you. I should have... done something, when they told you to move out. No... when they threw you out.

[Tearful] God, Jason. I'm so sorry. I should have done more. I should have stood up for you more. I should have been there for you more. I should have done so many things.

[Crying] I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can't. I just... god, I'm so sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Lovingly] Maggie... it's okay. It's okay. You were as scared of them as I was. I understand. I really do.

You're... forgiven. It's okay.

[Tearful] Thank you, though. For being sorry. And for standing up for me now.

I love you. I'm... I'm really glad you're my sister.

[Hangup]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: I want to tell you something important.

A lot of people in the world, they think a family is a group of people who are related either by blood, or by marriage.

But that's an incomplete answer. Because you see... not all families are related. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren't. Sometimes there's marriage, and sometimes there's not. Sometimes families live together, and sometimes they don't.

And you can have a family that's made up of all of the above, too. You can be related to some of your family and married to others. Live with some and not live with others. None of those things dictate whether or not you're a family.

Do you want the complete answer, to what family is?

A family is a group of people who love each other, and who look after each other.

That's it. That's the entire definition.

You can choose your family, or you can inherit it, or you can do both. There's no reason your chosen family can't include people you're related to by blood. And there's no reason you can't consider people you're not related to your family.

All you need to have a family, is someone who you love and who loves you too, and who you can look out for and who looks out for you. That's it. That's all you need. Which means you can have a big family, or a small one, or a complicated one, or a simple one. Families can look like anything. There's no limit, and there's no average.

A family is a group of people who love each other and who look after each other. That's all.

And that's everything.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 75 - Unexpected Wounds

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Serious] Jason, it's Maggie. I think Mum and Dad might be planning to call you sometime soon. If they do... [Sigh] Look, maybe just... don't answer the phone. And delete any messages they leave you. Just... trust me, okay?

I hope you and Kane are doing okay. We'll talk again soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Maggie, that was an incredibly cryptic message you left me. What's going on? Call me back.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Depressed] Hey Kane, so... I should have listened to my sister.

My parents called this evening, just after you went to bed. I answered the call, despite Maggie's warnings, because I was like... I wanted to know what the hell was going on, right?

I shouldn't have answered it. They... they told me to stay out of Maggie's life. To stop seeing Maggie and her quote-unquote, "real" family. They don't uh... they don't want me "corrupting" their grandchild with my "lifestyle".

I thought... [Tearful] I thought this was over. I thought... I mean, I know they don't accept me, but I thought... I thought we'd come to some kind of truce, you know? We don't talk any more, but we also don't hurt each other any more.

I also thought... I thought I was over feeling hurt about this. I thought they couldn't make me feel bad any more. I stopped caring about what they thought, I got angry at them, I try not to think about them, I thought-- I thought...

[Crying] I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm...

[SFX: [off] door knocking]

HELEN: [off] Jason, what's wrong?

JASON: I need to wake Kane up. Can you watch the bar?

HELEN: [off] Yes, of course. Are you okay?

JASON: No... no I'm not.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Jason. Ricardo and I just closed up the bar. Everything went fine.

[Cautiously] I... I understand if you don't want to talk about what's happening, but... I'm here for you if you need it, okay?

[Awkwardly] I've never... I've never seen you cry before, and... I just... I hope you're feeling better by the time you listen to this.

I love you, okay? We all do. We're all here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Hey honey. I hope... I hope you're sleeping okay. You were still a bit fitful when I got up. Hopefully you settle down for a while.

Helen's really worried about you. So are Ricardo and Mira. And... to be honest, I'm a little worried about you too. I've never seen you break down like you did last night.

But... it's okay that you did, okay? Don't take our concern as an implication you shouldn't be upset, or that you should get over it quickly or something. You absolutely should be upset about this, it's completely fucked. What your parents said to you is cruel.

I know I already told you that last night but I'm telling you again, because it's true, and it's important. You're not upset over nothing here. This is really fucked.

[Sigh] I love you. I love you so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I've been okay this evening. Mira made me a literal flower crown to cheer me up, and honestly, it's pretty hard to be super sad while wearing a flower crown.

I'm still... well, I'm not great. I don't know how to deal with this. It's weird, right, because... I thought my parents couldn't hurt me any more. Honestly, truly, I really thought that. I thought that... once I recovered from how they reacted to you at Maggie's wedding, it was like... well, that's definitely a lost cause, right? So I can stop worrying about it.

And it's not even like I was worried about it much in the first place! I've built my life in such a way that my parents' approval does not matter one goddamn bit. I mean... fuck. Remember how I got you to get my Dad to call me to prove you could do magic? At that point he hadn't talked to me in about six years. And aside from the wedding and the phone call yesterday, he hasn't talked to me again since then, either. And I was fine. I was fine! So why the fuck is this hitting me so hard?

I just... I'm upset, and then I'm angry at myself for being upset, and it's this whole stupid circle.

[Sigh] I love you. I'm sorry that you have to deal with me like this.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm sorry.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Jason. Don't be sorry for being upset, or for me helping you when you're upset. That's what I'm here for. It's okay.

Besides, it's only fair, right? I mean, I've spent a lot of our relationship leaning on you for comfort. It's only right that I can do the same for you.

I love you. It's all right. I'm here for you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Angry] Jason, it's Maggie. Dad told me that they called you and talked to you.

I am--I am so angry, I can't even think straight. Jason, you listen to me. Fuck them. Fuck them! I love you, and Brad loves you, and our baby is going to love you, and don't you dare stay away from us.

You're my brother and you're part of my family, and I know we don't see each other often, but Jason, please believe me - I want you in my life, I want you in my baby's life.

Please don't stay away. Please.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey there baby. So... that whole "you being more real now that I have a bump" thing? It has had an unexpected side effect.

This week, I found myself having these overwhelming moments of fear. What if I'm a bad mother? What if I screw you up? What if you grow up and you hate me? What if I deserve it?

I got really down on... Monday, I think it was. And Priya came home to find me crying on the couch, tissues everywhere. Apparently I looked a right mess.

It was kind of strange, because... I haven't had any of these fears until this week. It's like they all just came crashing down on me at once. One moment I'm fine, then next moment, I am terrified!

So... I called my mother, your grandmother, to ask about it. I needed to know if she'd had the same fears when she was pregnant with me, you know?

And, unsurprisingly... yes. She'd had the exact same fears. She laughed and told me that she felt like having those fears means you understand the enormity of what it means to be a parent.

So... that's sort of comforting, I guess. I'm normal, for once.

We talked about it some more, and... she told me about some of the mistakes she made with me when I was a kid, and how they still eat her up inside sometimes. And you know the funny thing? I didn't even remember half of them. And the ones I did remember, even the ones that had left a less than ideal impression on me? I understood them. I understood how they happened, I understood where she was coming from when she did whatever she did.

And after a while, she got very sad, and she asked me if I forgave her for her mistakes. And baby, I--I started crying. Of course I forgave her. Of course. People are strange and messy creatures, and we make mistakes, even in child rearing. No one is perfect, not even mothers.

And I realized, it's easy to forgive honest mistakes. When someone is truly sorry, and when you know they did their best, it's easy to forgive them.

But that's the thing - there's a difference between making mistakes, and being a bad parent. I had one of each. My mother was a good parent who made mistakes. My father was a bad parent.

I never once, for a single moment in my life, doubted that my mother loved me and wanted what was best for me. Even when she hated decisions I made, or disagreed with opinions I had, she always gave me the freedom and support to be myself and live my own life. She respects me just as much as she loves me. And because of that, I support and respect her too, and love her so dearly, more than I could express.

My father on the other hand, never showed any love or respect for me. He did not care about me, only himself. The only time he thought of me was when it affected him. So in return, I do not think of him either. He does not deserve my consideration.

And I realized... as long as I love you very hard, as long as I support you in being the best person you can be, as long as I do my best with you and treat you kindly and fairly... I think we'll be okay, baby. I really do. Even if I make mistakes, I think we'll be okay.

I know a lot of people who were disowned by their parents, or hated by their parents, and that's... I never, ever feared that from my mother. And I never want you to fear that from me.

So I promise you, okay? I promise to love you forever, I promise to always be here for you, I promise to always respect you, and I promise I will always support you. Because that is what good mothers do.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 74 - Inheritance

[Dial tone]

[Pickup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Surprised] Jason! I've been listening to Mumma's tapes, and... I think maybe she had the same kind of powers that we do!

There's been a couple of subtle things, but... in the most recent one, she described something that sounds just like our ability to feel each other's feelings and soothe people. I'll play the tape for you when you get up.

I'm really... shocked. I mean, people always said she was a witch, but I just... I thought they were being mean, or funny if they were friends of hers. But... from the sounds of it... I think she was. I think she could do the same stuff we can do. She's describing experiences that are a lot like ours.

Not exactly like ours, though. Like... she's also having hallucinations, or... fuck, maybe they're not hallucinations. But she sees people who aren't there, just like... to the side. Maybe they're... I don't know, ghosts or something? I have no idea.

And she says she's been having really accurate intuition, which... I mean, we don't have anything like that, as far as I know. I mean, I guess the feelings we have right before we affect luck is a little bit like that, in that it helps us tip luck in a particular direction, but... that's not really the same thing.

But when she was talking about how she perceives and can affect emotions... that sounds like what we can do, even if the delivery is a bit different.

I... I know we talked about this possibility, way back at the beginning when we were just discovering our magic, but... I don't know. This... this is huge. She might have been like us.

But I keep coming back to something. If she really was a witch, if she really had magic, just like we do...

[Emotional] Why didn't she ever tell me?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Hope you're sleeping okay.

I hope... I hope you have good dreams, and you don't wake up upset wondering about your Mum again.

I... I don't know why she didn't tell you. I wish I did. Maybe we'll find out if we keep listening to the tapes? I mean... you didn't even know these tapes existed, which is kind of weird. Like... you'd think she would have mentioned them to you at some point, even if it was just like, "oh, I recorded some tapes for you back when I was pregnant but they got lost", or something like that.

If it helps at all... not only do we know that she probably had the same magic that we do, but... we know when it appeared. We know it happened... when she was pregnant. Which, okay, when I started out on this train of thought, I was like "maybe we can figure out where it comes from!", but like... I mean, neither of us has ever been pregnant, as far as I know. I mean, obviously I haven't, since I don't have the equipment. So... clearly that wasn't the trigger for us.

So... fuck. What then? What turns this on? Where does it come from?

Ugh, I feel like this discovery has just... left us with more questions than we had before. And the only answer we've found is "yes, Julie Baxter was probably a witch". Which... we already suspected anyway.

[Sigh] Well. We'll figure it out. Hopefully.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Quiet morning today, not as many customers as usual. Which is kind of good, because it means I can slink off for a few minutes to leave you a message, and know that Helen won't be overwhelmed watching the bar for a bit.

I... ugh. I know what you mean about more questions. So many more fucking questions.

And I can't... I can't think of anything we have in common with her, in terms of what might have started all this. We weren't the same age, we weren't going through the same things... I don't think we even all went to the same place or something, aside from the fact we all live in Melbourne, which... as far as I know, not every god damn Melburnian can do magic, so... I don't think that's it.

[Sigh] I guess if there are any answers, they'll be in further tapes.

I wish... I wish I felt up to listening to them all at once. I just... can't, though. I just can't. It's too painful. Hearing her again, and... now, knowing that we have something in common that I didn't know about while she was alive, I just... [Tearful breath]

I'm sorry. I'll get through the tapes eventually, I will. It's just... it's so hard to listen to them.

I miss her so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey. I love you. And your mother loved you. So, so much.

And I'll remind you again: you take all the time you need to listen to the tapes. We'll travel this course on your pacing.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [EXCITED] Hi baby! I can kind of see you now! There's a little iddy biddy bump in my belly now. That's you! You're a little bump!!

It's made me really realize... what I'm doing when I make these tapes. I mean... I feel like until now, you've been somewhat theoretical, you know? I'm making recordings for someone that might not be real.

But now... now you're real! Now I can see you, and it's not just on a fuzzy ultrasound! You're here! And that's... also kind of weird, because you're inside me, and that's strange to think about. I know it's natural and all, but... it's still strange. Strange and very, very wonderful.

But, yes. It feels a little odd now, to make recordings for you when I can see you. I mean, I can talk to you anyway. You won't understand me, but... everyone I've talked to who's been pregnant says they're sure babies can still hear us, so... hopefully you still enjoy the sound of my voice, even if you have no idea what I'm on about.

But you know... I like making these tapes. They've become almost... like a diary. But not as extensive, or as serious. Just... a weekly check in. And that's really nice.

I mean, I reckon they'll make a pretty good 21st birthday present, or something like that. I mean, I wish I had something like this from my mum. That would be really amazing.

So, I'm going to keep making these tapes for you. And... I'm probably going to talk to you more in general, now that you're more noticeable.

I love you so much, baby. I can't wait to be able to hear you talk back.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 73 - Relationship Check Ins

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

CJ: [Gently] Hey, Ricardo, it's CJ. I hope you're feeling better.

I wish I was more helpful when you have nightmares. I wish I could just... make them stop. I hope... I hope that being there when you wake up is enough.

I... I care about you. A lot.

I hope you sleep better tonight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

RICARDO: [Reassuring] CJ, you are wonderful. It is always enough to have you there when I wake up.

[Self consciously] Thank you for being patient with me. I know it must be hard to be with someone struggling like I am. Especially when I can't stand to be touched when I'm in the worst of it.

But... yes. Having you there means the world to me, trust me. There is nothing more frightening than feeling like I'm alone. You make it easier to come back and stay grounded.

Thank you. I... ah... I care about you too.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Nervous-excited] Agh, I'm so nervous, I can't sleep. Storm is picking me up after her shift tomorrow and we're going to go have drinks somewhere, and... [Excited noise]

She's just so handsome, and I'm so nervous! What if she hates me? What if I make a fool of myself? [Despairing noise]

Maybe I should go back downstairs and see if anyone's still awake. Sometimes Ricardo or Jason is still downstairs even after closing.

[Anxious sigh] Sorry to clog your inbox with my anxiety, Papa Bear. I'm just... argh!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I'm a bit late to bed tonight. Mira came down looking for someone to hang out with for a while, and... honestly, that was kind of great. Mira and I don't often spend much time together one on one.

We played a few board games, and it was actually pretty fun. Even if I did lose every single game. Mira is apparently a much better strategizer than I am.

She's really excited and nervous about her upcoming date. It's really cute, she's all bouncy and bubbly.

Actually, that reminds me - we never did talk about the monogamy thing, huh? Got kind of distracted by Maggie's news, I think.

Since we keep forgetting that while we're both actually awake - what's your stance?

For me? I'm... perfectly happy just with you. I don't feel any need to have any kind of open relationship, not even sexually. But I also feel like... I wouldn't mind, if you wanted that? Like, my biggest concern wouldn't be "oh god he's dating someone else", it would be more like... "oh god, if he's dating someone else, will he still have enough time for me?"

Anyway... let me know where you're at on all that when you wake up. Then we can officially tick this off our relationship housekeeping list.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. Yeah... I'm pretty much at the same place you are. I'm happy just with you, and like... also, your worry isn't wrong, I mean... I don't really feel like either of us really has the time to date anyone else. We're pretty much always busy.

I think... I think I'd like to be able to have this conversation again at a later point though. Like, if someone really amazing came along, for either of us - or both of us, I guess, since that's possible too - I'd like to be able to consider it, you know? Does that make sense?

Hey, you know... while we're covering basic relationship housekeeping that we've otherwise missed... between Sarah and Mira's breakup, my mother's tapes, and now Maggie's pregnancy... I realized that we've never discussed whether or not we want kids.

I... am not sure where I stand on that one. I've swung between wanting kids and not wanting kids a lot in my life, and... I'm still not really firmly on either side. I do think that... even if I do end up deciding I'd like kids... now is definitely not the time for it, you know? Like, even aside from the whole "we should really be sure before we commit to that" angle, it's kind of like the idea of dating anyone else - we're too busy with everything we have right now. We've got other stuff to focus on.

How about you? Where do you stand on kids?

Hm, I should tend some customers. Love you. We'll probably talk about this more when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. I gotta say, I really like it when Michael's on a later shift and I get to snuggle with you a bit before you go to sleep. The biggest flaw with our different sleep schedules is that there's not as much time for bed cuddles.

I'm really glad we're on the same wavelength about monogamy and kids. I mean, it's makes sense, right? If it hasn't come up until now, there couldn't have been too big of an incompatibility.

I'll be honest, I'm still leaning more towards a no than a yes on kids, but... hey, we can get our kid fix with our upcoming nibling, right?

I'm starting to feel way less freaked out about that, by the way. I guess I just... I don't know. Being a kid is hard. I don't want to contribute to some kid's life being harder than it already will be, you know? I mean, fuck, you couldn't pay me to be a kid again. It sucked.

It's weird, right, because... getting older is meant to be this hard and tragic thing. Like, you're supposed to get really scared of your mortality or whatever from the moment you hit age 30. Everyone's always like "oh no, I've got a grey hair" or something, but like... I don't know, the older I get, the better my life gets. I get smarter, I get more comfortable, I get happier. I know myself better. I know the world around me better. I have a bigger network, I feel like I can affect things more. Make more of a difference.

Eh, I don't know. Getting older rules and being a kid sucked, I guess is all I'm saying.

[SFX: Door opens]

Oh hey, Mira's back! I'm gonna go bother her for details about her date. Love you!

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Thoughtful] Hey baby. You know, I think my mama bear instincts are starting to kick in. I keep having these really strong gut feelings about stuff. And they're always right. Ever since I found out about you. I guess maybe there's something to the whole 'mother's intuition' thing, huh?

I've also been able to read people better. Like... I can know how people are feeling a lot faster and more accurately than I used to.

It's been surprising for everyone, believe me. Apparently it's super awkward when I can tell someone is lying about how they're feeling but I don't know they're trying to lie about it. I have caused some very uncomfortable situations.

Which is not great, but I mean... it's also made it easier to talk to people sincerely. Making meaningful connections with people is easier than it ever has been. I feel like I can touch people's emotions and we can shape our feelings together. It's beautiful.

In much weirder pregnancy side effects, or at least what I assume are pregnancy side effects... I keep seeing flickers of... something. I keep thinking I see people, just out of the corner of my eye. But when I look for them, or try to focus on them, nothing's there. I've never heard of hallucinating during pregnancy before, but I guess it must be a thing, because it's only happened since you came along.

[Sigh] Ah, that one's a bit of a pain. And it's definitely made a few people look at me weirdly when I've gone to move out of the way or smile at someone, and it turns out there's no one there. I'm the weird lady on the tram a lot these days. But that's okay. You're okay if your Mumma's a weird tram lady, right? I mean, there are worse things to be.

I have to say, I'm kind of fond of these strange happenings, though. It's like I have super powers or something. I'm pretty good with that, because frankly, I think I'd make an excellent superhero. The mighty Julie, stumbling through the streets like a dog on stilts! Making uncomfortably earnest emotional connections with random strangers!

[Laugh] Okay, so my story needs a little work. That's fine. We've got time. And hey, who knows, maybe you'll be a superhero when you grow up, too!

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. CJ is voiced by Jai Moore. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 72 - Maggie's News

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Hey Jason, it's me, your dearly beloved sister. I have some big news! Call me back as soon as you can, okay?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MAGGIE: [Excited] Actually, you know what, fuck it, I'm too excited, I don't want to wait for you to call me back.

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant! We're having a baby! You're going to be an uncle!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Ugh, Maggie, answer your damn calls! I'm trying to congratulate you here!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: No, but seriously... congratulations. I'm really happy for you guys.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Kane, I am freaking out!

I mean, I'm happy for them? Of course I'm happy for them. I know Brad really wants kids, and Maggie is happy, and... like, it's good. It's really good! I am honestly really happy for them.

And I am also freaking out.

[Freaking out] What do uncles do? I don't have any uncles, I have no frame of reference here. Do I need to like... learn shit about babies? Am I going to end up babysitting or something?

I've never changed a nappy in my life, Kane, I don't know how to look after babies! What if I break it somehow? Like, what if I drop it? Or what if I break it like... in its head, and like... I do something stupid that traumatizes it forever? Oh god, I don't wanna traumatize a kid forever! Fuck!

God, please tell me you know shit about babies and can help me out here. Fuck!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Gently] Good morning honey, and when you get this message, I want you to take a deep breath and try to slow down a bit. You went on quite a spiral last night, from the sounds of it.

I have to say, it's a change for me to be the one leaving you soothing messages after a rough patch of anxiety for once.

But on that note, first off, you won't break it. No one's going to hand you a baby without making sure you know how to hold it safely. Secondly, I doubt you're going to traumatize it, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby without telling you how to treat it.

As for changing nappies, hopefully you won't have to do that duty, but if you do, that's okay, because again, no one's going to hand you a baby for an extended period without teaching you how to change a nappy.

It'll all be okay, I promise.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Oh, and as for what uncles do? I don't have any either, but as far as I can tell, being an uncle is like, all the best bits of kids without the shit bits. You get to play with them and take them on adventures and buy them presents, but you don't have to do any of the hard stuff. You get to just hang out with them and support them as they grow up.

So relax. You'll be a great uncle.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Waking up] Thanks babe. That was a good message to wake up to. I did kind of spiral a bit, huh?

[Yawn] Well. I'll see you in a few minutes when I can be fucked getting out of bed. Love you.

Oh, and... I think you mean WE'LL be great uncles.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Flustered] Um, hi, Storm, it's Mira. Uh... so, Helen and I were talking, and she said you guys aren't, like... exclusive, and uh... I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? With me?

Helen knows I'm asking, she, um... she's encouraging it, actually [Laugh]. So... uh, it's okay from that angle. And... yeah! Let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Pleased] Hey, Mira, sorry I missed your call. Unfortunately I usually do miss calls a lot at work, sorry. But yes - I'd love to take you out sometime. I'll try calling again tomorrow, and we can make plans?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Amused] Hey, Jason, I know why Kane wanted to know about my monogamy status now! Tell your boyfriend that his meddling worked out pretty well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Triumphantly] Now who's the god of all hookups?

[Awkwardly] ... It's--It's me, I'm trying to--it's me. I'm the god of hookups now.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey, Mira, it's Helen.

I think I've been living here too long, because... I wanted to leave you a message to wake up to, and because Kane and Jason are the way they are, my first thought was voicemail. Which... yeah. I think they're infecting all of us. I know you've left a couple for Kane, and I know Ricardo sometimes leaves them for Jason, and... yeah. [Amused] Clearly voicemails are something you can catch by living as the Best of Luck.

Anyway, um... thank you for talking to me about Storm. I know that it was kind of hard, and... I know Kane kinda encouraged you to do it, but... I'm still glad you did. I get why you didn't want to tell me about your crush on Storm, but... I mean, I get it, obviously I get it, I mean, I have a crush on her too!

[Sincerely] I really like how close we've become since you came back to to live at the bar. I don't want us to hide things from each other. I think we can handle it, you know? Like... even if something is uncomfortable, or we disagree on something... I think we can handle it.

Anyway. Thank you for being honest with me, and... thank you for being my friend.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MIRA: [Sincerely] Helen, I love you. You're my best friend.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] Hi baby. It's been a bad week. [Sigh]

A close friend of mine died this week. His funeral was yesterday.

AIDS. It's been... getting worse. More people are dying.

We're all trying to... stay strong, and not let it get to us. I... [Annoyed sigh] I wasn't planning to talk about this on these tapes. These were meant to be... happy. Just me talking to you about me, and my life, and the life we're going to have together.

But, well. I guess this is my life too. My friend died. It was really hard, and really sad, and... some of the people at the funeral, this wasn't even the only funeral they've attended this week, let alone the last couple of years.

We're all trying our best to look after these people. A lot of people don't care about them, because they're gay. Even hospitals can be... difficult. So we're... doing our best. We... we cook food and take it to them. We clean up the vomit, and we wash them in bed, and we drive them to doctors appointments, and... sometimes we just sit with them, and hold their hands while they sleep.

[Sigh] I'm sorry this isn't another happy tape, baby. But this is important too, I guess. Everyone dies. But we should do everything we can to make sure that when people do, they die as comfortably as possible, and they go knowing that we love them.

We have to look after them. We have to look after each other however we can.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Maggie is voiced by Shelley Dunlop. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Thank you to Jennifer Gearing for naming Maggie.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 71 - Kane the Matchmaker

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Concerned] Hey, Kane, it's Helen. Do you know if everything's okay with Mira? She's been kind of strange the last couple of days, but when I ask her about it, she says everything is fine.

Like... if it's none of my business then it's none of my business, but... I'm a little worried about my friend. Could you check in with her? Thanks.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Stressed] Jason, when you get up, please rescue me. I am trapped between one concerned friend who wants to know what's wrong with the other, and the other friend who is very adamant I don't tell concerned friend what the problem is. Help!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Wait, I thought of a way you can help. You're friends with Storm, right? Can you find out if she's polyamorous? Because that would help a lot.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, Storm, it's Jason. So this is... extremely out of the blue, but are you monogamous or polyamorous? Or... somewhere in between?

I promise I have a really good reason for asking. Even if I'm not entirely sure what that reason is just yet. All I know is Kane asked me to find out, and he won't give me the full reason why. So, let me know, so I can solve the mystery of what the fuck is happening.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Amused] Hey, Jason, sorry I missed your call, but you know, busy shift.

Anyway, to answer your question, yeah, polyamory suits me pretty well. I can do the monogamy thing, don't--don't get me wrong, but... it's not something I'm passionate about.

When you find out why you need to know, let me know, okay? Although if it's because your boyfriend wants some of this, then, I'm sorry to say that he's going to be disappointed. I am strictly a woman only ride.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so I just checked my phone and I had an answer from Storm, and yeah, she's polyam, or at least open to it. Now, when you get up tomorrow, will you please tell me why on earth we need this information?

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, good morning. I'm going to do a little more sleuthing this morning, but hopefully by the time you get up I--I'll be able to loop you in on what's going on.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey, Mira, I have some good news for you when you wake up.

Storm is open to non monogamy. Jason asked her about it last night. And this morning, I asked Helen on her position, and she's also down with non monogamy.

So. I think maybe you should talk to Helen about how you've been feeling. Even if nothing happens, it'll be good to clear the air.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Sigh] Hey honey. Well, Mira just came downstairs and whisked Helen away to a corner for a serious talk, so I think I can finally tell you what's happening.

Short version: Mira has a crush on Storm and was kind of jealous of Helen, but didn't want anyone to know because she's also very happy for Helen. But if Storm is interested and everyone's open to it, it could still happen, and everyone wins. I'll give you the longer version when you get up.

The sleuthing I was doing earlier was finding out whether Helen was open to the idea. I asked her if she's inclined more towards monogamy or polyamory or something else, and I explained my point of interest as just a talking point because of the last tape of Mumma's that I had listened to, so, there was nothing too awkward about it.

So... this is interesting. Helen told me that she's a big believer in 'relationship anarchy', which was a term I've never heard of before, but we talked about it for a bit and it's kind of... great.

It's basically just the idea that all the rules of a relationship can only be defined by the people in that relationship. And like... it's not necessarily the same thing as polyamory, because it's also about how you do friendships, and working relationships, and relationships that don't fit into a clear platonic or romantic box, and all kinds of other non mainstream relationship types.

It's about recognizing that relationships are complex, and not necessarily prioritizing one type of relationship over others, and stuff like that. I thought it was kind of cool.

And... I'm just now realizing that I don't think we ever had a conversation about whether we're monogamous or not. We should probably do that, at some point? Since we're like... nearly three years into our relationship? Jeez. We really kinda failed at that basic relationship step, huh? How the hell did that never come up until now?

[Sigh] Anyway, I gotta get back to work. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: [Gently] Hey sweet baby. You're really amping up on the morning sickness again. Could you maybe chill out on that for a bit? It's getting a bit old, and I'm tired of only being able to eat toast and vegemite.

[Sigh] I can't be too mad at you, though. I mean... you're a miracle. It's tough to be mad at a miracle.

And... you really are, you know that, right? I mean, I already told you, I was told I couldn't have kids. But now, here you are!

And... [Sigh] This is going to sound weird, but... that's not the only reason I think you're a miracle. Everything is... different, now. I feel different. I feel... bigger. Not like, physically - you're only the size of a small lime right now, so you haven't made much of a difference in my body's size yet.

But I feel like... my aura is bigger. I feel like I can feel things I couldn't feel before. Like I have more... power than before. [Laugh] Power to do what, I don't know. I just know I feel... stronger.

Well, whatever it is, I'm glad to have it. Even if it is very weird. But hey - nothing else about me is normal, [Giggle] why should this be?

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 70 - Changes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

MIRA: Hey Papa Bear, it's Mira. I hope it's okay if I leave you another rambly message. I'm just... I'm full of emotions, and I think I just... need to get them out... somewhere.

[Chuckles] I should probably take up journalling or something, but... for now, this is what came to mind. I hope it's okay.

I just finished helping Helen get ready for her date. I braided her hair for her. She looks really beautiful.

She was so excited, it was like she was glowing. I was so happy to see her like that. She's so good at making everyone else happy, I just... I just want her to be happy too.

[Awkwardly] I'm... I'm also... honestly, I'm kind of jealous. Storm is so... [Sigh] She's so hot, and she's so amazing, and I just... I'm just jealous. I wish she wanted to be with me, too.

[Seriously] Please don't tell Helen, okay? I don't want her to think I feel anything even slightly bad about this. I don't want her to think I'm not happy for her, because I absolutely am. I just... kind of wish I was going along too, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

MICHAEL: Kane, it's Michael. Thank you so much for the extra work. I know it was Victor's idea, and, believe me, I have thanked him too, and will probably keep thanking him for quite a while yet. But you and Jason didn't have to agree with him, so please know that I appreciate it so much that you did. Things are going to be a lot easier for me from this point on. Thank you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey, thought you'd like to know that Helen came home with a smile bigger than the sun this morning. I asked her how her date was, and she said "it was really good", and then proceeded to blush pink as pink could be. I think it's safe to say that Storm treated her very well.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Yawn] Hey. Bedtime voicemail as requested.

I'm really proud of Victor. I know that sounds kind of condescending, but... I mean, shit, I didn't think the kid that showed up so long ago would be leaving us messages saying he's covering someone else's rent and looking for multiple jobs because he wants to help people.

I figured... I figured he'd just get stable and move on, you know? I figured... we'd help him, and things would get better for him, and then... then he'd move on and we'd... lose him.

Wait, that sounds a bit too dramatic. I don't mean like, we'd never see him again. Just that... he'd stop being a part of our daily lives, you know?

But that hasn't happened at all. He's still ours. He still cares for us and everyone here. In fact it's because of that care that he's moving forwards. That's... is it weird if I say that it's inspiring? It is, though. It inspires me. Victor is doing everything he can do within his means to make the world better, and...

Just, damn, Jason. I love that kid. I love that kid so much.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night tonight. A few customers, mostly regulars. Helen and Mira sat up the back of the bar talking and laughing and blushing... I can only assume they were talking about Helen and Storm's date.

I know what you mean about Victor. I'm proud of him too. I honestly sometimes forget that he's not actually my little brother or something. I love him dearly.

And... I'm glad to be able to pass the job to Michael. It feels like... it feels like that's become another way for us to help people out, you know? We have folks living with us when they need it, and... we can afford to employ someone when they need that, too.

Heh, we might need to consider franchising or something if we wanna go much further down that road. Which... oh god, I'm getting a headache just imagining that. Let's not do that. Let's stick to our single employee situation. God.

[Sigh] Ah, I should close up. I love you. And I love that we can help people out.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Good morning!

I love that we can help people out too. To steal Victor's metaphor, I think... I think we're starting to really appreciate the plants blossoming in our garden.

[Hangup]

[Cassette Noise]

JULIE: Hey baby. It's been... it hasn't been a very good week.

So... I guess now is an appropriate time to tell you a little bit about how you came to exist. Because that kind of feeds into what made this week so hard.

So, you know that my only romantic partner right now is Priya. Priya doesn't have the kind of body that could get me pregnant. And most of our friends are aware of this. So... most of them assume that I got you by using a sperm donor.

But I didn't use a donor. You happened naturally. It's part of what makes you such a miracle.

The thing is... when some people find out that I didn't use a donor, they think I cheated on Priya. And I didn't, sweetheart, I promise you, Mumma didn't lie to anyone or hurt anyone to have you.

You see, we're allowed to love as many people as we want, for as long or as short a time as we want, both Priya and I. And sometimes we only love someone for a night, or a weekend. And that's all right, because we all agreed to it.

I loved a very kind and gentle man for a weekend, and that's where you came from. He is a very good friend of mine, from up in Queensland. I don't get to see him much. But he was down here in Melbourne for a little while, and so it was lovely to spend some time with him.

Some of my friends... they don't understand that it was okay. They think that even though me, and Priya, and him, we were all okay with it... they still think it was still a bad thing to do.

And some of them... some of our friends, they think it was a bad thing just because he's a man. There are some women who think that... they think that men make women dirty. That if you've loved a man, that means you're not good enough to love women.

They're all wrong, of course. About both of those things. But... they've been mean to me about it, so... it's been a hard week. Some of my friends... well, I've found out they aren't really my friends, I guess is the best way to explain it.

[Sigh] This too will pass. I'll be okay. It just hurts right now. But it will be okay.

We'll both be okay.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 69 - Nice

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Gently] Hey, Helen, it's Storm. Listen... I think you're beautiful, and kissing you was... well, it was an experience like no other. You are so soft, and stunning, and... just so, so nice.

Your eyes are such a deep brown and so beautiful... when you look down at me, all it makes me want to do is make you feel even half as amazing as I did when you kissed me.

I'm coming by the Best of Luck Bar tonight after work, and... if you're there, I'd like to talk to you. I have something to ask you - and no, it's nothing bad, so don't worry about that.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, want to hear something utterly fucking adorable?

So, Storm came by after work, and I was like "hey!", thinking she was here to hang out, but no, I was wrong, she was not here to hang out. She was here to ask Helen out.

She had a fucking long stemmed rose, and she fucking bowed when she presented it to Helen. It would have been extremely corny on anyone else, but somehow Storm pulled it off and just made it really romantic, actually.

And Helen? Fuck, man. I haven't seen her light up like that in... ever? Yeah, I'm racking my memory and I don't remember her ever looking that radiant before.

In case it's not obvious by this point in the message, she said yes, by the way. They're going out on like, Thursday, I think.

So, there's some adorable news for you to wake up to. Helen's got a date with an excellent lady.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I can't sleep, and I thought... maybe it'd be okay if I left you a message. I think I saw Jason on the phone earlier, so... you probably already know what happened to me earlier tonight.

[Happy] I've never felt like this before. I mean, I've felt... you know, I've had crushes before, and I've felt butterflies in my stomach before, but... [Sigh]

It wasn't just that she asked me out. Obviously that's... I mean, I'm so excited. But it's not just that. She... [Giggle] she specifically asked if she could court me. Which is... [Laughs] It's so old fashioned and silly, but... it's also really sweet.

It makes me feel... treasured, I guess? I feel like I'm something special to her, even if she doesn't know me very well yet. She still thinks I'm special enough that she really wants to dedicate some time to seeing me.

That's... That's just so nice. I feel really happy.

[Sigh] Thanks for listening, Papa Bear. I hope you're sleeping well. I hope I do, too, when I get there.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Serious] Hey, Jason, it's Victor. I've been thinking, and... I want Michael to take over all my work at the Best of Luck Bar. You can give all my remaining shifts to him.

He's still not having any luck finding another job, and I... I have better odds than him. I've actually got a couple of leads in the works for a couple of jobs, so uh... yeah.

I've also decided to cover his rent. Permanently. Or at least, for the foreseeable future. Things are hard enough for everyone right now, and... anything I can do... [Sigh] I just want to make things a bit easier for him.

I want to do everything I can, you know? To make the world a bit better. I want... I want to help people. Like you guys helped me.

[Cheeky] Don't think you're getting rid of me, though. I still plan to come and hang out and annoy you as much as I possibly can. So don't get comfortable. I'm still that annoying stray cat that showed up and didn't leave because you fed him.

[Serious] I'll talk to you later, man. And thanks. For everything.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Cassette noise]

JULIE: Hey there, baby. You've been a lot nicer on the morning sickness front this week. Thank you for that.

[Thoughtful] You know, it's really strange how much I love you already. You're not even real yet, in a lot of ways. I'm not showing, I can't feel you kicking, and obviously you're a long way from being born. But... god, do I love you. I love you harder than I've ever loved anything before in my life.

It's so strange, when you start to love someone. You're doing just fine in your life, minding your own damn business, and then all of a sudden, here's this new person! And even though you've lived without them your whole life so far, suddenly it feels like you'd be missing something terribly vital if they weren't here. It's like they're meant to be here, meant to be in your life, so much so that once they're there, you can't imagine life without them any more.

I felt like that with Priya. And now, I feel it again with you.

It's been... really surprising how easy it's been to accept you. I mean... you were a surprise, baby. Pregnancy was not something on my radar. And you'd think it would throw a huge spanner into the works of my life, but... I mean, don't get me wrong, you've definitely made things a bit more complicated, but... it's been easy. It's been easy to accept you.

I never thought you'd exist. But now that you do? I'm so happy, baby. I'm so happy you're here.

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]

Episode 68 - Jason the Hookup God

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

THULIUM: Hey, Jason! Happy birthday! Can't wait to see you tonight, it's gonna be amazing! [Kiss] Mwah!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: Hey, Papa Bear, Michael and I are running a bit late, which is our own damn fault--

MICHAEL: Your fault.

VICTOR: --my damn fault, because I took kind of a long time to get ready, and anyway, never mind, we're on our way now so we should be there soon.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: Jason! It's Storm! Happy birthday!

I'll be around when my shift is done, and we are gonna dance like we're possessed! So you get ready for that!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: loud music downstairs]

KANE: Hey honey. Sorry I tapped out before the party ended. I know you get it and you don't mind, but.. I'm still sorry. The early mornings kind of make late night parties a bit impossible for me these days.

[Happy sigh] You looked so happy tonight. At first I was really worried that tonight wouldn't be as exciting as your 30th, and that would somehow be really disappointing, but... I mean, milestone birthdays are meant to be above average, right? So, it's okay this one is a bit less structured.

[Happy sigh] You look so goddamn blissful when the music is loud and the lights are dim. Like... really in your element. It makes me really happy just to see you like that.

[Yawn] I love you, Jason. Happy birthday. I hope the rest of your night is even half as amazing as you are.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[Background FX: Loud music/people]

JASON: [Shouting, exuberant] I am the hookup god! I am god of all hookups! Kane, your boyfriend is a god of love, okay?? I'm like fucking cupid or something!! I'm amazing!! Fuck yeah!!!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Tired, happy] Hey babe. Party's pretty much over now. I'm just outside for some fresh air before I head up to bed.

We've got a few people crashing on our floor for the next few hours, so... just be aware of that when you get up. But I told them they all have to help you set up for the day, that's the price of getting to crash. So you should at least get some help in the morning.

[Happy sigh] I love you. I love people. I love how messy and stupid and beautiful and loving they are. I love feeling a mass of us at once, you know? It feels like... spiritual. Like I can feel... everything beyond me. Everyone who came before, and everyone who comes after, and everyone I'm currently with. I feel like I can... I feel like I can touch humanity, sometimes. All of it. Good or bad.

[Amused] Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense, it's probably kinda silly. But that's okay. It's a good feeling, so I'm gonna hold onto it while I can.

But most of all, Kane? Most of all, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Oh my god, I almost forgot to tell you. Helen made a comment about wanting to dance and feeling super self conscious about the idea of dancing alone, right? So I slithered over to Storm and pointed her in Helen's direction, and she was like, hell yeah.

So she went over and asked Helen to dance, and Helen got all flustered but agreed, so they danced for like, half an hour or something? Then they sort of scuttled to the back of the bar, and sure enough, when I looked over there later, they were making out!

So that's a very exciting development. I'm looking forward to seeing where that goes!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

EILEEN: Hey, Jason, it's Eileen. I just wanted to say, thank you so much for inviting me to your birthday party.

[Smitten] I kind of... I mean, I was planning to just go hang out for a bit, but... well, then I met Alex, and my whole night changed.

I have no idea where that might go, but... I'm excited to find out. So... thank you. I think your birthday party found me a sweetheart.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey honey. You'll be glad to hear that our crashers were all very helpful in cleaning up and setting things up for today.

I'm really glad you had such a good time. I mean... that was the whole reason for it, after all. And... I know what you mean about feeling like you can touch humanity. Sometimes I feel like that too. Like... I don't know how to explain it. Like... you know that feeling, sonder? The one that's when you realize everyone else has as much of a complex life as we do? It's a little bit like that, I think, only instead of just realizing everyone else's life is as complex and beautiful as mine is, it's like I've brushed my hand up against the web that everyone's combined lives make. It's... a really beautiful feeling.

Oh, and Helen was looking very, very happy when we had breakfast this morning. I asked her how her night was after I went to bed, and she got all flustered and blushy. So... yeah. Exciting developments indeed.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hey baby. Week eight! I will probably get tired of announcing what week it is at some point, but... it's still pretty exciting right now.

I keep wondering what you're going to be like when you grow up. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I can't help it.

Will you be queer, like me? Or will you be straight? Do I even know how to raise a straight kid?

Will you get married? Will you be monogamous? [Laughs] Oh god, are you going to have to come out to me as a straight monogamous person? Oh my lord.

Will you have kids? Will I... wait, wow, will I be a grandmother some day? God, that's weird to think about. But I guess it's something that could happen.

Are you going to want a career? Or are you going to be more like... work to pay for the weekend? Because that's good too, honestly. Life doesn't have to be about work.

[Thoughtful] It's weird, because... I have all these hopes for you. Like... I hope you'll be queer, I hope we have that in common, you know? And I hope that... regardless of whether it's a career or just a hobby, I hope that you find some activity that makes you feel fulfilled, you know? I hope that you find that you have purpose in life.

I hope... [Laughs] I hope you'll eat your vegetables, and... I hope you'll be creative, like an artist. I hope you make a tonne of friends. I hope you find someone you love, or lots of someones, and they love you too, and you spend your lives happy to be involved with each other.

But, you know... those are just my hopes, and they're mine. Maybe you'll hate art. Maybe you'll hate romance. Maybe you'll want to be a banker, and spend your free time hiking, or playing board games with just a couple of close friends.

And if so? Then that's perfect. Your life is yours, my sweet baby. I'm so excited to bring you to life, and I'm so excited to be your mother. But your life is yours. Don't let me tell you what you need to be happy. You can figure that out for yourself, okay?

[Click]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nicola Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Michael is voiced by Oscar Sabogal. Eileen is voiced by Abigail Michell. Thulium Rhydderch is voiced by Bismuth. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 67 - Time Capsule

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Worried] Hey, Jason, it's Helen. I'm a little worried about Kane? He was out the back, crying, and... I asked him if he wanted me to go wake you but he said no, he was fine. But... people who are crying aren't usually fine.

I don't really know what to do, so... I told him I'd make him some tea, and that's what I'm doing now. I guess... I'll take it out to him and see if I can make him feel a bit better. I don't know how, but... I'll try.

But yeah, I just wanted to give you a heads up. I hope he's okay.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. I'm having some trouble sleeping, so... I'm the one leaving a late night voicemail for once.

I'm sorry again for worrying you and Helen. Hearing Mumma's voice again was just... it was just so much. It was so much, Jason. I felt like... god, how do I even describe it.

I felt like I was every age I've ever been. I felt like I was a little kid, and a teenager, and a young adult... I felt so happy to hear her, but I also felt devastated to remember that she's gone, and how much it hurt to lose her.

[Wistfully] I... I could suddenly remember her more clearly. Sometimes when I remember her, all I can remember is her hair - it was really tightly curly, and as it got longer it got bigger, and sometimes she'd get highlights and it made her look like she was permanently lit by the sun.

But hearing her again, I could picture her face, and her shoulders, and the clothes she used to wear. I remembered that she used to wear rose oil as perfume, and I could almost smell it again.

It was... also really strange, because... she sounds so young on the tape. When she recorded these, she was only a few years older than I am now. And I mean... I guess at least that's a normal thing to feel strange about, I think most people forget our parents used to be young once.

I don't feel bad, I really don't. I wasn't crying because I felt bad. I just felt... overwhelmed, I guess. Hearing her voice again is like being haunted. It's like I can feel her with me again. And that's by no means a bad feeling. It's just... very intense.

[Sigh] I should probably try and get back to sleep. I could really use the rest.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

HELEN: [Gently] Hey Papa Bear, it's Helen. I'm just about to head to bed and I just thought... well, I know you check your voicemails every day, and... I just wanted to tell you that I hope you're feeling better.

And... I hope that it doesn't hurt too much to listen to the tapes. But I'm here for you if you need me, okay? If you need a hug or another cup of tea, just... let me know.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Good night, tonight, lots of customers. Just closed up, and for once I'm not the last person to bed! Tom and Brandon and Ricardo are playing board games. I considered joining them, but frankly I am not smart enough to understand what they're playing, so. I've just been hanging out behind the bar like usual.

And hey, don't apologise too hard for crying. Sure, we were worried about you, but we get it. This is kind of a big deal. Personally, I'm pretty glad at least someone had a good enough relationship with their mother that they get emotional over hearing her voice.

You let me know if there's anything I can do for you all through this, okay? Anything you need, I'll make it happen.

And Kane? It sounds like your mum was really beautiful. I think she must have been. You'll have to find a picture to show me, sometime. We'll make room to put it up on the bookshelf.

I love you. I hope you sleep really, really well.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Cheerful] Hi there, baby! It's week seven. You've been doing a lot of work making me feel very nauseous, so if you could knock that off for a bit, I'd really appreciate it.

So, I guess I should tell you a bit more about myself. Let you know what kind of person you're ending up with. In terms of who am I am other than just your Mumma. I mean, I guess that's the most important bit. But who is Mumma? Well, let's see.

I live in Melbourne, with my partner Priya. We've been together for... I think three or four years? About that. We're not super into anniversaries, so... it's easy to lose track.

We met at the Women's Dance at the St Kilda Town Hall, and I fell in love with her instantly. We pretty much arrived at that dance having never met, left it together, and have been that way ever since.

Priya is the only partner I have right now, but it might not always be that way. I've never much been one for monogamy, and thankfully, almost everyone I've been with has felt the same way. I say "almost", because I've definitely been dumped for not wanting to be exclusive. But in the end, that's okay. It's good to be able to break up if you can't be happy together. That's a good thing.

Hmm, what else? I work at the Brashs in the city. That's a music store. It's not very exciting work, but it pays the bills and I like my coworkers.

None of them know about Priya, though. Straight people are... not very nice about people like us. Hopefully when you're grown up, that will have completely changed, and you won't understand this part of these tapes at all.

I like to garden. I have a lot of pot plants on our balcony. I'd love to move somewhere with a real garden some day, and some chickens, too. [Moved] Oh, wouldn't you love to grow up with chickens? I think that would be wonderful.

I have a lot of friends, all different types of people. You're going to grow up knowing so many people! It's going to be lovely, and you're going to be able to learn so many different things!

I'm not sure how my life is going to change once you're born. I'm told that it will be really hard. And I'm sure it will. But I think it's going to be really good, too. I think we're going to have a lot of really fun adventures together. You and me and all our friends. And maybe some chickens, too. [Chuckles]

[Click]

Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 66 - Julie

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe, so, I've made about ten million phone calls, or at least it feels like it, but I've finally found someone with a cassette player who's happy to lend it to us.

He's a night owl like me, so I'm probably going to head over and pick it up tonight after I close up. He's actually just over a little past Fitzroy Street, so it won't take too much time or effort.

Love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: [Happy] Hey! So, slight change of plans, Victor and Storm are coming with me to pick up the cassette player, and then we're going to stop by the beach for a bit before I come home.

So if you wake up and I'm sandy or something... sorry? I promise I'll wash the sheets tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

[OCEAN BACKGROUND]

JASON: Hey gorgeous. The water is damn fucking fine tonight. Like, not even cold, it's just like... perfect.

Victor and Storm are still swimming, I just came back to the shore because... I love you, and I was thinking about you, and I wanted to leave you a message.

I wish you were here with us, but... it's good you're getting your sleep. Maybe we can come back to the beach on Monday? Just the two of us?

You know... it's really fucking weird that we don't come to the beach more often. I mean... it's like a twenty minute walk from the bar. You'd think we'd be making more use of that.

Damn, but it's nice though. It's been a long time since I've been at a beach at this hour. There isn't another fucking person around, just us. Which, I mean, shit... you don't usually get this kind of solitude in the city much, you know? There's usually at least a few people around.

Which is kind of cool in its own right, because like... you know that saying "ships passing in the night"? It's like that, it's like... hey, I see you, we're both existing at this really weird moment in the same place and time. And that's special, even if we never interact or see each other ever again.

Heh, I have no idea if that makes sense. You know me. I get weird and sentimental at this time of night.

I love you. I love you so much and so hard. I don't even know if I could ever really express the depth of it. I love you, Kane, I love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey, I'm home safe, and I'm gonna have a shower before I come to bed so hopefully I won't get sand everywhere.

Just to let you know, I'm going to put the cassette player in that little nook in our bedroom, near the computer. So if you want to start listening to the tapes tomorrow before I get up, that's where you'll find it.

Love you.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Things are quiet downstairs today. Which is kind of good, honestly, because I'm... I don't know what to do about the tapes.

I don't know whether I should just dive in and start listening now, or if I should wait and listen with you, or... if I should even listen at all.

I mean... [Emotional] what if it just hurts? What if it just hurts to hear her voice again, and I don't get anything positive out of it at all?

[Deep Breath] Ugh, I don't know. I don't know. One moment I think, I should wait until you get up, so I can have you there with me. Then I think, no, I should take a few minutes and do this by myself, she was my mother, we were close, I should be able to listen to this alone.

[Emotional] I don't know, Jason, I'm so confused. I feel like I shouldn't even be in this position. People are supposed to stay dead, you're not supposed to hear anything new from them years later.

I feel like I'm not... like, humans aren't emotionally equipped to deal with this, you know? Ghosts aren't meant to be real. Even tape recorder ghosts. We're not made to listen to the dead.

[Sigh] Well, I think it's pretty clear that whatever I'm going to do, I'm probably going to be a mess either way. Sorry.

I know you don't mind, but... sorry anyway.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. So... Michael's minding the bar for a while. I've decided to start listening to the tapes.

So... if you come downstairs and I'm not there, don't freak out, I'm just out the back. Probably crying, by the time you come down.

[Deep Breath] Okay. Let's go. Week six, since that's the earliest one that's here.

[Hangup]

[Cassette button press]

JULIE: [Brightly] Hi baby, it's your Mumma, Julie!

I just found out about you. Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I actually found out about you yesterday.

Six weeks pregnant. [Sigh] That was a surprise. For a lot of reasons.

I mean, my age, for one. I'm thirty eight, which is kind of old for a first pregnancy. And... well, doctors told me that I couldn't have kids. They told me that like... ten years ago. I didn't mind, I mean... I was a bit upset about it, but I'd made my peace with it, you know?

My doctor was surprised that I noticed this early, actually. Apparently there's a huge range of times when people notice they're pregnant, but for someone like me who wasn't trying to conceive, it usually takes a bit longer for us to notice.

But I knew something was going on, baby. I knew. My whole body felt different. I can't really describe it, it was just this... feeling. I just knew about you. Somehow.

Anyway... we can't have a real conversation yet, obviously. But... I still wanted to talk to you. So I thought, hey, Priya got me this tape recorder and microphone for Christmas a couple of years ago, maybe I could use that.

So I figured... I'd talk to you, but I'd record it. And then one day, if you want to, you can listen to these tapes, and you can get to know me from a different perspective. I imagine that the person I am to you is quite different from the person I am now.

So, yes. Hi there baby! I wasn't expecting you, but I'm really glad that you're coming. I can't wait to meet you. I love you already.

[Click]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

Episode 65 - The Tapes

[Dial tone]

[Hangup]

ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.

[Music]

[Beep]

[Pickup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey Jason. [Anxious] So... I tried calling Priya back again this morning, and... I actually got through to her this time. And... yeah, it sounds like... like the Julie Baxter that she used to know was... was actually my mother.

Apparently they were partners, a long time ago, back in the 80s. They had to break up because Priya got a job at the ANU in Canberra, and... then they just kind of lost touch after a couple of years of long distance friendship.

Anyway, Priya was going through some boxes she had in storage, and she found a box of cassettes that had belonged to Mumma. Not like... not like, music cassettes. Like... personal recordings. Tapes that Mumma had recorded. Apparently they were sent to Priya by mistake, but she just... kept forgetting to return them, until she forgot about them completely.

[Sigh] I... have no idea how to handle this. I feel so out of my depth. I mean... I thought... I thought everything about Mumma was... finished, you know? Like... I grieved, I dealt with all her belongings, I scattered her ashes...

I... I didn't expect to really encounter anything new about her, you know? Like... she's gone. How can there be something new?

But... there is. It's just a box of tapes, but... it's something new. And I have... no idea how to comprehend that, on an emotional level.

[Sigh] Anyway. Priya said she'll post the box to me today, so... it should arrive in a couple of days. Then we can... see what it's all about, I guess.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. I hope you're sleeping okay.

I talked to Victor and he's happy to take the first half of my shift tomorrow so I can spend time with you instead, okay? I know you said I don't have to, but... you really seem like you're freaking out about these tapes, and I think we need to get your mind off it.

How about we go to the movies? We haven't done that in like... god, two years, or something? Yeah, we are definitely overdue to go to the movies. I'll check some times and see what's on.

I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: Hey. Yeah, the movies sound good. I just had a tiny panic attack about our coffee stock being a bit low, so... clearly I really need some distraction.

Don't worry, by the way, I'm fine now. Helen was around when it happened and she made me feel a lot better. And... I'm pretty sure she did it magically, too. It felt like someone was pouring cool water over my brain.

I... didn't think to ask her about it, though. Sorry. I was mostly just happy to be feeling a bit calm again.

You know, I don't think she does it magically every time she calms people down. Because... today was the first time I felt anything like it from her, and she's been there for me through a lot. Which kind of explains why we never knew about it, I think... she's just like this, naturally. The magic is like... supplemental. Something extra.

Anyway... I'm going to drink some tea and then try to keep busy. I love you. See you when you get up.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

STORM: [Mock accusingly] Jason! It's Storm! I come in before a shift so I can meet your man in person, and neither of you are here! I mean, I'll survive, but I'm terribly disappointed. I'll just have to make sure to come back in after work and wag my finger at you in person.

[Chuckle] But seriously though, the kid behind the bar said you're having a well overdue movie date, so I hope that's going well. I'm making myself plenty at home here anyway. We'll catch up soon. See ya!

[Hangup]

[Beep]

VICTOR: [Excited] Oh my god, Jason, I love Storm. She's amazing. I told her she has to come in the next time we're doing a late shift together so we can all hang out. You gotta remind her of that when you see her too, okay?

Also, she is making one hell of an impression on our customers. I haven't seen this many flustered femmes in a room at once since... ever, really. Storm's putting out some pretty incredible suave butch vibes. Honestly I'm pretty close to re-examining if I'm into women myself.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Tired] Hey honey. Thank you for taking me out today. It really did help, I feel a bit more... well rounded, I guess? I feel like I got a reminder that the whole world doesn't revolve around me, and... yeah, I needed that perspective.

Heh, that makes it sound much more dramatic than it is, but it's the truth. It's easy to get sucked into my own head, so it's nice to be pulled back into the real world for a bit.

[Yawn] Anyway. Thank you. Hopefully I'm about to sleep really, really well, with no anxiety wake-ups at all. That's the hope, anyway. Goodnight.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

JASON: Hey babe. Just closed up, everything went well. I've been popping up to check on you every now and then, and you seem to be sleeping well, so I'm really glad about that.

We sold another one of Michael's paintings tonight! It was that beautifully textured red and orange one. I'm kind of sad to see it leave the bar, to be honest. But I guess that's what I get for not, you know, buying it my own damn self.

Anyway, I love you. See you tomorrow.

[Hangup]

[Beep]

KANE: [Anxious] Hey. So. A courier just arrived and delivered a big box of cassettes to me.

I... was not expecting Priya to send this via courier. I was expecting to have to wait at least a few days.

I'm... I'm not quite freaking out, but I am definitely something close to freaking out.

[Deep Breath] Okay. I don't need to freak out over this. They're just tapes. Let's see how they're labelled...

[SFX: BOX NOISES]

Wow, that's... yeah. That's Mumma's handwriting. [Quietly] Wow.

[SFX: CASSETTE FUMBLING NOISES]

'Week six'... 'week eight'... 'week twenty'... hmm. They're all labelled with numbered weeks, but... I can't find a 'week one' anywhere, or even a 'week two'. It looks like six is the earliest one? I... have no idea what that means. Are we missing some?

I guess the only way to find out would be to listen to them, but... [Laugh] where the hell am I supposed to find a cassette player?

[Hangup]

[Music]

ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

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