Episode 89 - Beach Anniversary

[Dial tone]


ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.





VICTOR: Hey Mama Jay, don't forget that Michael and I are taking care of the bar tomorrow so you guys can enjoy your anniversary. This is not negotiable. You guys need some time off. We all saw how much better you looked after Kane's birthday. So make some plans, okay? Go have a nice time.



KANE: Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail.

So, I was thinking... maybe tomorrow we could go to the beach again? Because, you're right, we don't go there nearly enough considering how close we are.

And it's... nice. We don't get to feel connected to nature often, being this far into the city. The beach is one of the only places where we can really feel that. That and parks.

And... I think I'd like to feel a bit more connected to nature. I mean... we kind of owe our entire existence to it, you know?

[Yawn] Anyway. I'm sure we'll find a way to sloth around tomorrow.

I love you. See you in the morning.



JASON: It's just past midnight, so you know what that means!

STORM, HELEN, MIRA, RICARDO, and JASON: Happy anniversary!!!

[All laugh, fades back]

JASON: [Laughing] Oh! Oh, poor Dognerys is looking as us like we grew extra heads. Poor thing.

Anyway, I'm just gonna step outside, hang on.



[BG SFX: Light traffic]

JASON: Hey, sorry about that. Just feels too weird to leave a serious voicemail with everyone listening. I mean, they'd be fine, but I'd feel self conscious about it. Some stuff is just for you, you know?

Anyway, yeah. Happy anniversary.

Three years! Sometimes it feels like they've flown by faster than I can enjoy them. And like... I am very good at enjoying the moment, so that's saying something.

I sometimes feel like I tell you that I love you too much. Like, I know that I say it all the time, and I worry that it like... loses its meaning, or something.

But then when I think about that for a moment, like... the alternative is not telling you I love you all the time, and that's... unacceptable. The very idea makes my stomach hurt. If it were in any way possible, I would tell you I love you every moment of every day. Because it's so important that you know, Kane. It's so important that you know I love you.

We will definitely go to the beach today. Hey, it's been too long since I've done fish and chips at the beach, so, what do you reckon about that? Ooh, we could get some cakes from Monarch for after! Cakes are good for celebration, right? I'm definitely not just looking for an excuse to get cake from Monarch.

I mean, obviously your cakes are better, but if you're not baking them, then... y'know.

Wake me up whenever you want to head out, okay? Even if it's early. I don't mind waking up early if it's to be with you.



[BG SFX: Ocean in background]

KANE: [Quietly] Hey, you. Happy anniversary.

I don't think you meant to fall asleep on the beach, but, you know, I'm kind of glad you did. Because it means I get to watch you sleep for a while. Usually I don't get to do that, because if you're sleeping and I'm not, it's usually morning and I need to get ready for work.

You're so beautiful. And so is this. Sitting here, with the ocean just over there, and the wind coming in off the sea. everything just feels so peaceful and wonderful.

JASON: [Off, sleepily] Are you leaving me a voicemail?

KANE: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you!

JASON: [Off] No... no, it's nice. Keep leaving it.

KANE: [Laughs quietly] Okay. Um... I don't know what to say, now that you're awake.

JASON: [Off] Tell me you love me.

KANE: I do love you. I love you more than anything else. I love you so much that I feel like I could be anywhere doing anything, and as long as I had you with me, I'd be happy.

JASON: [Off] I love you too.



[BG SFX: Ocean noise in background]

JASON: [Tired] There, now it's on speaker, so I don't have to like, hold it. And now I'm the one leaving you a message!

KANE: Oh? And what are you going to tell me?

JASON: Mmm... probably just that I love you.

KANE: [Laughs] I love you too.


KANE: This really feels like home, don't you think? Like, there's something about St Kilda.

JASON: Well, I mean, we do live here...

KANE: No, I know, but I mean... even aside from that. It just feels... I don't know. Maybe it's just that I know Mumma used to come here too. I associate it with my family.

JASON: Could be.

KANE: Do you remember when you were here at night a while ago, and you said that there was something liminal about it?

JASON: Yeah, sure. Beaches always feel a bit liminal to me.

KANE: Me too. I wonder if they actually are?

JASON: What do you mean? Like... you wanna try and summon a ghost or something?

KANE: No, no... not like that. More like... do you think maybe our magic is stronger here?

JASON: Well I mean... there's one way to find out. Try and do some magic.

KANE: Yeah... yeah, okay.

[FX: Just ocean noise for a bit]

JASON: Kane? Kane, are you okay?



KANE: [Tired, abashed] Hey... I'm sorry again for freaking out at the beach. I just... it felt so real, Jason. It felt so real, and I couldn't... I don't know. [Sigh]

Do you think it was real? Or... do you think I just imagined it? Because... I keep swinging from one position to the other. I have no idea. Maybe these tapes have just... gotten under my skin, you know?

[Sigh] Huh, speaking of which, I just realized, I haven't listened to this week's tape yet. I should do that. Maybe it will help clear the cobwebs out of my head enough to let me sleep.

I love you. I'm sorry our anniversary date ended in a panic attack.

But... I'm glad to have a boyfriend who loves me all the way through my anxiety. Thank you.


[Cassette noise]

JULIE: [Sombre] I went for a walk today, baby. I went down to the beach.

It was a really nice day, and not too many people were around. I like days like that. I like feeling like the ocean's attention is only on me.

You know, the ocean can sweep away anything. Bad thoughts, bad feelings, bad memories.

I needed that, a little bit. One of my friends... he's getting sicker. We don't know how much longer he'll last. And that's hard. that's hard in a way I hope you never know.

So I went to the beach. And I spent a little while feeling sad for him. Then I spent a little while feeling happy about you.

And then... something strange happened.

I was thinking about you, and... I felt this strange pull. Like the world was still spinning, but I was held still, sinking into the sand. Everything went... blurry. But not real blurry, my eyes still worked perfectly. It was more like... brain blurry.

And then... then I felt this strange twist in my spine, and it was like... there was two of you. One inside me, and one... one outside me.

And the one outside me, he was... grown. He was a man, lying on the beach with another person. I couldn't see him, not really... I couldn't tell you what he looked like. I only... felt his shape. Like some kind of silhouette.

And... I was so sure that he was you. I know that doesn't make sense, but... I'm so sure.

And then... he noticed me. You noticed me.

And then whatever was happening just... stopped. I was back to normal. Standing on the beach by myself, with no strange ghosts surrounding me.

I'm not... I'm not sure what happened. I don't know what the hell that was.

But I think it was real.

Whatever it was... I'm pretty sure that it was real.



ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Storm is voiced by Creatrix Tiara. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Mira is voiced by Tahlia Celenn. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Monarch Cakes is a real cake store on Acland Street in St Kilda, where they’ve been serving delicious cakes since 1934. You can learn more about them via their website, monarchcakes.com.au. We highly recommend the Polish Cheesecake and the Kugelhopf.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]