Episode 100 - Stronger Together

[Dial tone]


ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.



[Recorder beep]

KANE: Okay, so... um... I'm not really sure how to start something like this.

I guess, let's be... clinical about it. My name is Kane Baxter, and... I'm recording this so that I have some kind of... record of it.

I got the idea from my mother's cassette tapes. Julie Baxter. It's been... incredibly helpful to be able to listen to her experiences, so... I can only imagine that having a similar record of what happened to me last night will be useful to someone else someday too. Maybe not even for someone else, maybe just for me.

I've asked Helen and Ricardo to record their experiences too, so that we can all... cross reference, I guess. Get a better idea of what happened. Ricardo was really into the idea. He's pretty serious about laying stuff out logically and archiving things, so this is right up his alley. Helen was okay with it too.

And Jason... well, I did ask him to record something on his phone when he gets the chance, but... he might not be up for it for a little while. That's okay. I can always poke him about it later. It's not like there's a strict time limit on this, I just... I want to try and get this stuff recorded before we all forget any details.

So. The beach.

Helen, Ricardo, Jason, and me. We all went there, and... we held hands, which... sounds a little goofy, but... it worked. We... synced up with each other.

It was kind of like when Jason and I are really close, when we sort of feel inside each other. It was like that, but... with more people.

Everyone feels different. Jason is very bright and vibrant, and feeling connected to him always feels invigorating as well as comforting. Ricardo is more... solid. Strong. You feel grounded when you're connected to Ricardo. And Helen is... well, Helen is Helen. She's sweet and soft, and you feel treasured when you're connected to Helen.

Once we were all connected, we tried to... I think "go bigger" was the phrase Helen used? Something like that.

So... I thought about Mumma. Julie. I thought about her voice and her frizzy hair, and how I felt when I was around her, and... how she made other people feel. And I thought about the tapes. Remembering when she said she walked along the beach and how she felt there.

And then it was like... you know when you're looking at a room, but you're looking for something specific and small, like... I don't know, a pen. It was like... the whole universe was the room. And she was the pen.

But... just like when you're looking for a pen in a room, after a while of surveying things, you eventually see it. Even if it's under something, or in a shadow, or something like that. And once you've seen it, even just a bit of it - that's it. You know where it is now. You can go directly to it, now that you know where it is.

It's... hard to describe the sensations from there. It was like... god, this sounds stupid, but... it was like I was a meteor, right? And Mumma was a planet. Once I found her and started going towards her... it felt like I was moving a million miles a second. The whole universe felt blurry around me.

And then... when I got there, when the meteor struck the planet, when I landed in the sand and water in front of her... everything stopped very suddenly.

Everything stopped. Even Jason and Ricardo and Helen... we were holding hands, and they were there, but... they were frozen. No, not frozen. Just... occupied. Like an app that's open in another window.

But she was there. My mother. Wearing a loose fitting dress and holding her sandals in her left hand. She was pregnant. With me.

I could see her so clearly. But there was this... strange filter on it. There was this vibrant green colour swirling around her and radiating from her.

And... she saw me. One moment she was frozen like everything else, and the next... she was looking right at me.

And she knew me. There was this wave of familiarity. Even though I wasn't even born yet for her... she still knew who I was.

[Emotional] And I was so... even though I was in the middle of it, I couldn't believe it. I asked her... "is it really you?", not because I didn't already know it was, but because... the fact I was seeing her again seemed so impossible, so illogical. The dead stay dead and time travel doesn't exist, but here I was. In a time before my birth, seeing someone I had sat next to when she died.

Then she asked me... "are you my baby?"

I felt this... overwhelming joy and rapture. She really did know me. I told her yes, and then... it was like my soul was a waterfall, like everything I am was pouring out of me and onto the shore. All my love for her, all my missing her, all my gratitude to her... all of it. Just... spilling into the bay.

And it was happening for her, too. She began overflowing. Happiness and hope and relief was just... billowing out of her.

And then... then I felt Jason suddenly recede. I felt a sudden lack of Jason.

He shrank away, and then... everything broke. The magic splintered.

It was... like going down a drain. I felt sucked back, very quickly, to... reality? The present? I don't know. But suddenly I wasn't there in 1985 any more, I was back here. 2019. Everything was solid again.

The magic was gone, the connection between the four of us had ended. And Jason was freaking out about his sister. So... I--I just immediately tried to calm him down. Then we called a taxi so we could get him to Southern Cross in time for the first train of the day to Wangaratta.

So... that's what happened.

I don't know what this means for us, or for magic, or for... anything. I don't know if I time travelled, or had a vision, or saw a ghost or... I have no idea.

I do know... or at least I'm pretty sure... it was because there was more than one of us there that I was able to do it. With Helen and Ricardo there with us, with the four of us all connected... I felt bigger. I felt more powerful.

And I felt less fatigued when we were done, too. Normally, right after doing a big magic thing? I'm exhausted. I'm out for a while. When I unleashed... [Sigh] When I unleashed what I did, at the gay bashers that time, I... I passed out afterwards.

But this time? Doing this? Something that definitely required far more effort and power? I was a bit tired, for sure. But I was fine.

I don't think it's just practise that made it less draining. I think... I think we're stronger together.

[Recorder beep]

[Recorder beep]

RICARDO: [A bit clinical] Okay. My name is Ricardo Flores. I am recording a subjective account of... whatever it was that happened on the beach a few hours ago.

Jason, Kane, Helen and I - and Dognerys, of course - we went to West St Kilda beach at around 4AM.

We weren't quite sure how to start, but on Kane's suggestion, we formed a circle and held each other's hands. I held hands with Jason and Helen. Helen held hands with myself and Kane. Kane held hands with Helen and Jason, and Jason held hands with myself and Kane.

We tried to focus on our feelings for each other. On how much we care about each other and love each other. We also tried to focus on what I think are the three prongs of making this magic work - love, trust, and safety. Or love, vulnerability, and fearlessness. I'm not sure which is more accurate, although they are intrinsically connected.

That was... difficult. I always struggle with fear. And even trust, to a certain degree. I love very freely and easily, but everything beyond that is a challenge.

So, I... took it one by one. First I thought about how Jason stayed at the hospital with me, the whole time, even though he had no real reason to do so. I thought about how Kane welcomed me into his home, and set up a bedroom for me so I could be comfortable from the moment I arrived. I thought about how Helen always listens so intently, and always without judgement.

And I desperately clung to the memories of every time each of them has told me, clearly, that I am welcome. That I am wanted. That they have no desire to rid themselves of me.

As I focused, I gradually began to feel like we were connecting. Like ever so slowly, little tendrils of me extended into each of them, and likewise, little tendrils of them crept into me.

It was so strange, so unfamiliar, that I'm ashamed to say I felt myself running away. I became afraid, of this strange unknown experience, and... I broke our connection.

I was afraid everyone would be upset with me, but they weren't at all. They were very kind. So I took a deep breath and prepared to try again.

At this point, Kane suggested that we sit down, so I could have Nerys with me.

It was a good idea. She settled down with her head on my leg, and I already felt calmer. I mean... no matter what fear I might have about humans, I know that sweet Nerys will always love and accept me.

And that... helped me connect to my friends again as well. Because they helped bring her to me. The fact she is with me is also evidence that my friends and partner genuinely care about me.

I think where I failed the first time was that my fear of getting hurt bypassed my belief that my friends would not hurt me.

So the second time... I didn't just focus on them, I focused on me. I focused on the fact that I know that I am safe with these people. No matter what lies my PTSD tries to tell me, I, Ricardo, know that I am safe.

So... we tried again. And this time... I relaxed and breathed through the unfamiliarity. I welcomed the slow trickle of them into myself. I allowed myself to flow into them without tension.

I trust these people, literally with my life. They have never given me any reason to fear them.

Then... all our minds and hearts were merged. I was a part of them and they were a part of me. We were still ourselves, but we were so much more.

Suddenly I could very tangibly feel the love between Jason and Kane. The comfort, the happiness. The calm warmth between them.

I could feel the care and longing and peace that Helen feels for our community, and the unbridled joy and love that she feels for Storm and Mira.

I felt Kane's loss of his mother, a grief so tremendously deep but still carefully healed.

I felt Jason's admiration for all of us... something that I didn't even know he felt, until last night.

And then... Helen suggested we try to go bigger. Try to reach out further.

And I admit, I didn't know what that might look like for me. I wasn't sure what I would reach out towards.

So, I started small. I started with my dog.

[Quietly happy] I'm so glad I did.

I have never felt such a pure and strong love and joy like I did when I touched her mind with mine. And the moment I felt it, I knew I could go further.

I reached for the seagulls next. There were still a couple around, even at that hour. The opportunism I felt in them almost made me laugh. I could feel their sharp senses, watching all around them. I think perhaps we think too little of gulls, sometimes.

Then... the possums in the trees in the park behind us. Keen and curious. Even the trees they rested in had a beautiful, still life in them that I could just barely feel, softly against my own mind.

Then... insects. Life, everywhere! Above us, beneath us... a fog of tiny, simple creatures, just as much a living part of our world as we are.

And then... the ocean. My god. There is so much life in there, and it goes so far. I touched minds I couldn't comprehend because they were so different from mine. I was dwarfed by the songs of whales. I was filled with static from enormous schools of fish.

Further inland... mammals and birds and people and more... billions and billions of sparks of life, glittering and twinkling in such rapid succession that it almost gave me a headache.

And below... the earth itself.

You know the saying "the ground fell out from under me"? Where you are in such a state of emotional shock that you feel you are falling, endlessly?

It's hard to describe, but it was... like the exact opposite of that. The earth stayed still, and I was the one that descended into it. I sank through dirt and magma until I hit the core. And I was... enveloped there. I was wrapped around the core and the earth was wrapped around me, and...

I have never felt safer, or warmer, or more peaceful.

It was... the most incredible experience.

And then... then it was like a string on a violin snapped. A sharp crack. I was flung out of the earth, so fast that for a moment I couldn't tell where I was, whether I was in my body or not.

And then I felt Jason's hand pulling away from mine... and then he was panicking, talking about his sister.

And then... well, we were finished. Kane called a taxi and took Jason to Southern Cross. Helen and I came home.

And now?

Now we just have to figure out what all of this means.

[Recorder beep]

[Recorder beep]

HELEN: [Uncertain] Uh... hi. This is Helen. I've never recorded something like this before, so... I guess we'll see how this goes.

Um, so... we went down to the beach, and... then we held hands, and... [Sigh] [Quietly] That's not very good, is it?

[More determined] Okay.

We went to the beach, to try and do magic together. We wanted to... figure this out.

I don't... think we really did that, unfortunately. But... it was still... illuminating.

So... when we got there, we held hands and tried to connect with each other. Kind of like how we do when we affect people's emotions.

It was... strange, and awkward at first. None of us really knew what we were doing, and... when we started sort of... feeling around each other's minds, it was like... gentle, and hesitant, and... well, kind of a lot like trying to have sex with someone for the first time, to be honest. We were just feeling our way through it, looking for what felt right and trying not to hurt each other.

But then... we found it. Not particularly suddenly. Or at least, it wasn't sudden for me. It was more like... very slowly walking into water. At first it's sort of surprising, and then as you wade in it becomes kind of nice. Then there's a sharp bit, where you kind of get a little shock? But then once that shock is over, you're in, and... [Sigh]

I felt... everything. Every little hope and fear and desire and idle compulsion, and...

I didn't know how much these men cared about me until now. I mean... I know they love me, we're all close friends. But I didn't know. I didn't know how much space I took up in their internal landscape. I didn't know how much of their future dreams and plans somehow involved me, even if just at the edges.

I didn't know how serious Kane and Jason are about trying to make the world better. Again, I-I knew it was important to them, but... it was like a fire lit inside them. In Jason it was a bonfire, bright and big and kind of scary, but really beautiful. And in Kane it's... soft, and deep, like a wood stove or a fireplace.

And Ricardo... he's the bravest of any of us. He has all this fear twisted up inside him, and all these painful snapshots that live behind his eyes, and all these cold scars that are tying him back to everything he's gone through. And I recognise that, a little bit... I have some of those scars too. But mine don't hold me as tightly as his hold him.

But he still stays soft. He still stays strong. He still stays open. That's just... incredible.

[Thoughtful] I think... if we did this again, and if he was okay with it... I think I could help warm up some of the tightly pulled scars inside him. Loosen them up a little. I don't know. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, um... yeah.

So... we managed to all connect like that. And then... I was feeling around, I was feeling all these things these people feel, but I felt... contained. Like I was stuck in a glass box.

So... I pushed at the box a bit. And I felt it give way a bit, too. And that's when I was pretty sure... there was a lot more possible for us, if we wanted it. I was pretty sure we could go bigger. I was sure I could feel further, or deeper, or... something. Whatever this was that was between the four of us... I was sure that there was more.

So... I told everyone that, and then Jason asked if we should try it, and... we all said yes.

So I pushed at the box again. And it wobbled a bit. But it didn't open. I tried pushing and pulling and I was starting to get really frustrated with it, actually...

And then I felt Kane latch onto something. And he started... moving? It wasn't exactly moving, I mean... he was still right there. But... it wasn't not moving. [Sigh] This is really hard to describe.

Anyway... when Kane latched onto something, I tried to follow him - but it didn't work. It was like he got away from me. I wasn't able to keep up. I still couldn't break out of this damn box.

Then I felt Ricardo gradually pushing at the box, too. He was starting with Dognerys - he was trying to connect with her the way he had with us. And it was working. He was expanding.

So I figured, if I couldn't rocket out like Kane did, I had to move slowly like Ricardo. I just had to find somewhere to start. Somewhere small. Something meaningful to me, that I could focus on easily.

And... the first thing I thought of was the Best of Luck Bar. It came to mind suddenly, and it was like... obvious, once I'd thought of it. It's the only place that's ever felt like home. It's full of people I love and teas I drink and magic I don't understand.

So... I thought about the bar. I thought about all the people that passed through it. All the names and faces that have had a moment there. All the complex lives they live, all the feelings they had there, all the connections that have been made because of that place.

And... the box shattered.

[Astounded] I felt everyone. Everyone. Everyone who has passed through the Best of Luck bar. Everyone in the city. Everyone in the country. Everyone in the world.

I was overwhelmed, by billions of minds and hearts. So many that I don't think I was built to have the capacity to even comprehend, let alone actually feel on any meaningful scale.

But there it was. Everything.

Every thought. Every feeling. The worst of humanity. And the best.

And I just... I started crying, because there's so many people, and they're all unique, and they're filled with experiences and dreams and memories, and... I could feel them all. I could touch them all. I could... I almost felt like I could reach out and embrace them.

I recognized some people in the noise. Storm, and her strength and exhaustion. Mira, and her optimism and playfulness. Michael, and his gentleness and precision. Victor, and his determination and naivete.

And then... Jason. Jason's sister. Fear and worry and abandonment and running away and desperation. I opened my eyes to look at him and at the same time, his eyes opened too, and were filled with worry.

I felt the box come crashing back down. And Jason let go of Ricardo and Kane's hands, and he started saying that he had to go.

And that was the end.

And now we're here. Trying to figure out what the hell all that was. Trying to figure out what to do next. Trying to make sure we don't forget what happened, which is why Kane wants us to make these recordings.

I still don't know what's happening. but whatever it is... it's huge. I don't know how my brain didn't explode when exposed to so many people's feelings, but... I think maybe it's for the same reason I was able to reach them in the first place.

The others boosted me, but they also protected me. I'm pretty sure nothing like this could have happened if I had been on my own. The more of us there are... the more we can do.

[Sigh] I hope Jason and his sister are okay.

[Recorder beep]

[Recorder beep]

[BG SFX: Internal train noise]

JASON: [Sigh] Okay, let's do this.

This train ride feels like it's taking a million years, so I might as well use this time to make this recording like Kane wanted. Fortunately it's a quiet carriage today, there's a ton of empty seats around me, and everyone else is wearing headphones - which is weird, but I'm not complaining. Means I can talk about this without feeling too self conscious about it.

So. The beach.

So... this was actually the first time Kane or I have done our weird empathy connection thing with people other than each other. And it felt pretty much the same as it does with Kane, honestly, just... more complicated.

It's... really strange, in a good way, to feel like you're part of the same... soul, I guess, as other people. No, no that's not quite right either - we didn't all become one or something like that. We-we just kind of... flow into each other. Folding rather than blending, you know?

Hah. See Kane? I do learn things from you watching you bake.

When it's just Kane and me linked up, it's sort of... comfortable, and cozy. But this was... much more complicated. I could feel everything in the other three people, and I could feel them feeling everything in us other three people. It has this weird layered effect where we sort of... echo against each other, getting louder with each bounce, you know? I guess maybe that's how our power gets boosted? I don't know.

So then... after we all linked up, Helen said she thought she could go bigger. And everyone wanted to. And I...

Honestly? I just wanted to make everyone happy. Like, I mean, don't get me wrong - I love this magic shit. But I didn't have, like, a goal as such. I just... wanted to see what we could do, and... I knew the others all had things they really wanted to get out of it, so... that sort of became what I wanted to get out of it.

I mean, I won't lie, I was definitely hoping for a sign or something. Something that would explain all this.

We didn't get that. I did not come out of this with any explanation. I don't think anyone else did, either.

But that's okay. We'll figure it out eventually. And I mean... this was just the first time we tried this. We already know we can get better at magic with practise, so... it's okay if the first time didn't reveal everything, you know? We'll get there.

So... yeah. Where was I? Oh yeah, we were gonna go bigger.

I honestly had no idea where to start. But everyone else did! I felt Kane searching for his Mum. I felt Ricardo trying to release his tight hold on the three of us. I felt Helen pushing at some kind of limit that she couldn't pass.

So I thought, well... the one thing I know how to do is find stuff. I found the bar. I found the bigots. I'm good at making us lucky enough to stumble across things. I know how to follow threads.

So... I started looking for threads.

Kane's Mum was the easiest. I know what she sounds like, and I know what she looks like, from the photo Kane keeps on our bookshelf. And I know how much she meant to him. So... she was easy. I lucked my way onto the right thread and then... I sort of directed Kane to it. Like... I tried to tie the thread to him, so he could follow it. Then I felt him honing in on it and... I knew that was done.

So then Ricardo. I could feel him struggling, trying to not hold onto us so tightly and expand outwards, but not knowing where to start. And I thought about how Dognerys was the thing that made it possible for him to access magic in the first place, so I... pulled a thread from her, and tied it to him. Tried to direct his attention to her. And when she had his attention, he started to soften and... sure enough, his connection began to grow to include her too. So that worked really well.

And then onto Helen. She was... pushing at this limit, this boundary. I could feel it too, it was like... water pressure. There was too much on the outside for her to be able to open the door, you know?

So... I went looking for a leak. I... felt for threads, and... there was this warm, soft, silk strand from the Best of Luck Bar, reaching towards Helen. So I pulled it a bit, very very gently, closer towards her. And I tied it to her, and then... [Chuckles] then it was like a dam broke. She started expanding and flowing and growing up and out and... it was amazing.

And Ricardo was doing the same thing, in a different direction. Growing bigger and wider and deeper.

And Kane... he was sharpened to a point, struck into the sand like a spear. Really firmly rooted somewhere. Or somewhen. Because Julie was there, too. I could feel her as well, just faintly. Even though I've never met her, I still knew it was her. She was like a vine growing in through a window. Most of her was out there, somewhere I couldn't reach, but... somehow she was reaching through. Or we opened a window. I'm not entirely sure.

And everyone was expanding, and feeling, and reaching new heights and depths and...

And there I was. Just... sitting there. Sitting on the beach, folded in with these people I love, feeling them grow and deepen and get more powerful and...

... and I couldn't do the same thing.

I couldn't reach out. I couldn't expand. I could... I could pull threads towards me, but... I couldn't move towards them.

It was... a little disappointing, I'll admit. I was there, I was plugged into this intense, amazing, magical thing, but... I couldn't keep up.


So, I... decided to just keep it small. I just focused on what was there with me. And that was... threads. Threads leading to all kinds of things, things that I couldn't actually access myself. I couldn't even tell what type of thing some of them were, it was like I was missing the right context. I didn't have enough information to follow them.

Once I wasn't looking for a specific thread, once I wasn't trying to luck my way onto one in particular... I saw just how many there really were. Thousands. Maybe millions. I have no idea.

So I... ran them through my fingers. Metaphorically. Just... feeling them out. And they mostly felt like... nothing. Because I didn't know enough about what was connected to them. They were just... threads.

But then I found... I found Maggie. I found this thread that... it just felt like her. And... I could gently pull that one towards me, and sort of wrap it around my hand, and... feel her. Feel her in the same way I felt Kane and Ricardo and Helen.

And I felt her panic.

[Speeding up] The thread around my hand started vibrating. Too fast. Too tightly strung. Like it was going to snap. And I saw... this tiny thread, that ran parallel to the one I was holding, and it was thickening.

Her baby.

I tried to relax the thread. I unwrapped my hand, I tried to give it some slack. But it didn't work. It was still tightening, and it was starting to fray. It was pulling back, like someone was trying to pull it away from me.

So I tried to... follow it. Tried to find out what was happening.

And then... I found the knot.

It wasn't a nice knot like the ones we have on the back of our door at the Best of Luck. It was gnarled. It was messy and decaying and fraying. And it was tangling up Maggie's thread. Consuming it.

It... it was our parents. And I think maybe their parents as well. I didn't follow the threads back to find where the knot started, so I don't know how far back it goes.

But it was strangling Maggie. And its rot was starting to eat at the join where her baby's thread was growing off hers.

I tried... I tried to untangle it. But I couldn't. I couldn't fix it. Not like that. You can't untangle those kinds of knots all at once. You have to loosen the ropes first.

[Distressed] But Maggie's thread was being wound tighter, and the rot was spreading, and...

I just... I knew I had to get to her.

So... I dropped out. I let the magic go, and we all came crashing back to reality. And sure enough, when I checked my phone, I had a missed call from Maggie. She needs me.

So that's where I'm going. I'm going to see my sister and I'm going to... try and loosen the ropes.

[Recorder beep]

[A few moments pass]


JASON: Hey! Good news, everything went well. Managed to calm Maggie down, managed to convince Brad that it's not personal that she was freaking out, and brand new baby Quinn has arrived on planet earth safe and sound.

Maggie is feeling a lot better about parenthood now. She's still got issues, but... I think she'll find her way through them and out the other side. I think maybe working through all the venom that our parents left both for and inside us will take a lot longer and lot more than a heartfelt conversation or two. She's agreed to see a therapist for a while - if for nothing else than making sure postpartum depression doesn't take her by surprise.

So... yeah. Everything's okay. I probably won't be coming home until tomorrow at the earliest, but... I won't be away for too long, I promise.

You should come meet the baby at some point. I mean... we are uncles now. You gotta be introduced properly. Maggie and Brad are extremely not okay with us just being a couple of names on a Christmas card once a year.

[Sigh] I love you. I'm really sorry if I worried anyone in my rush to get here. Tell them all I love them too, okay? And... we'll get back to figuring out the magic thing soon, I'm sure of it.



[BG FX: Train station ambience]

KANE: I'm already at the station. I'll be seeing you and baby Quinn as soon as Vline can get me there. Victor, Michael and Helen are watching the bar for us until we get back.

And don't worry about rushing off. Everyone gets it. We're all really glad everything turned out okay. Oh, actually, that reminds me, everyone did tell me to tell you to pass on their congratulations to your sister.

I love you too. I'll see you soon.


[Cassette noise]

JULIE: Well baby, you're due sometime this week.

[MUSIC: Soothing Music]

I have to say, I'm pretty excited to meet you in person, rather than as a ghost at the beach or a kick in my belly. I'm also excited to be able to go for more than an hour in between bathroom breaks.

[Calm] The nursery is all ready. I'm all ready. Hopefully you are too.

[Thoughtful] It's been a big transition for me this year. What my family looks like is getting a radical overhaul. I've lost Priya, but I'm gaining you.

There's often fluctuations over time. Not all family is forever. Sometimes people have to leave. Sometimes they leave like Priya did, packing up and moving away. Sometimes you have to be the one to walk away from them. And of course... eventually, everyone dies, and leaves their family then, at least in the physical realm. Nothing lasts forever.

But isn't that wonderful? Isn't that liberating? That means that you are free to take what nourishes you and leave the rest behind. That means that you can truly appreciate it when someone new and wonderful comes into your life, because you know that if you don't love them hard and sincerely now, you might not get the chance to make up for it later. That means that if someone stops loving you, or if someone stops caring for you, you are free to let the connection break, and move on.

New family can come into your life in a thousand different ways. Sometimes it's being born, but sometimes it's just walking through the door. Sometimes you're looking for them, and sometimes they're looking for you. Sometimes you just find each other by sheer, joyous luck.

It doesn't matter how someone comes into your life. What matters is what they do once they get there. If you find someone kind and respectful, who cares about you and who looks out for you, then that's all it takes for that person to be your family.

I promise to always do my best to be that for you. I will love you and look after you, and when you bring other people into this family, I will extend that love to them too.

And I hope that even when I'm gone, even when our connection is broken, that you'll take that love, and you'll share it with others. That's the legacy I want to leave with you. Kindness, compassion, and love.

I don't know you yet, not really. All our dialogue has been one way, just me talking and you listening.

But even so, please know that I love you. I love you more than I could possibly explain. I love you with every atom of my being, with every spark of energy that lives within me.

[MUSIC: Music finishes]


ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Ricardo is voiced by Justin Jones Li. Helen is voiced by Ashe Connor. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

Julie Baxter was written in loving memory of Gail Kerr.

Love and Luck was recorded at the Kathleen Syme Library and Community Centre, in Carlton, Melbourne.

We would like to acknowledge that Love and Luck was made on the stolen land of the Kulin Nation. It was primarily produced on the land of the Boonwurrung People, and was recorded on the land of the Wurundjeri People. We pay our respects to Elders past, present, and emerging, and extend that respect to all Indigenous people who are listening. Sovereignty was never ceded. Australia always was, and always will be Aboriginal land.

With this episode, we have reached the end of season two of Love and Luck. We hope you've enjoyed it.

We would like to thank all our Kickstarter backers for making this season possible. We couldn't have done it without you.

If you’re enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that’s patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

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