Episode 81 - Victor's Mum

[Dial tone]


ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.





VICTOR: [Anxious] Hey, Jason, it's Victor. Uh... my mother called me. She... she said she wants to make peace. She wants to get lunch.

I was wondering... would you be okay with coming along? I'd feel better about it if I had you there with me.

I do want to see her, and... I would really like things to get better with my family. I'm just... I'm just scared. And... I'd really like it if you could hold my hand, you know?

[Sigh] Yeah. If you're not okay with it, that's totally fine, I get it. I know you've probably had enough shitty parent drama for a while.

But... yeah. It would really help me a lot. Let me know? Thanks.



JASON: Victor, of course I'll go with you. And I'm sure if you want more backup, everyone else here at the bar would be happy to help out too.

You know we love you, Victor. We're here for you.



KANE: [Worried] Hey honey. Bedtime voicemail. I've... got something on my mind.

I'm really worried about Victor and his Mum. I mean... it could be fine, she could be serious about wanting to make up, but I mean... the shit his Dad did...

Plus, I mean, she was at best okay with kicking her son out of home and at worst a main part of that decision. It just... it doesn't feel optimistic, you know? I just... I don't want Victor to get his hopes up for too much, I guess.

But, let's assume the best. Let's assume she's really wanting to make peace.

What if it fails? What if it just opens up more hurt than it heals? I just... I don't want to see Victor go through that. It's been hard enough watching you go through it, thank you very much. I don't want Victor to suffer this shit as well.

[Sigh] Ugh. Hopefully it will be fine and I'll feel really silly about all these worries afterwards. Hopefully she'll be sorry and lunch will be great and Victor will have a renewed connection with his family.

[Quiet sigh] Why does that just... not feel likely?



KANE: Hey hon. Things are a bit tense this morning. Victor's come in early, just to hang out and feel comfortable. He's not due to go meet his Mum until one, but... he's already edgy.

I soothed him a little, and so did Helen. Even if she doesn't know she's doing it. But regardless, it's helping a lot. He looks less jittery than he did twenty minutes ago.

[Sigh] I really hope things go well today. I'm glad you'll be going with him.



[Background SFX: Restaurant hubbub]

JASON: [Angry] Hey. So. We just finished lunch with Victor's mother.

What a fucking shitshow. She didn't want peace. She wanted to sweep everything under the rug. She wanted to act like nothing happened!

Oh, and she still wants Victor to not be gay, so, that alone is kind of a giveaway about how serious she is about making peace, isn't it! She wants him to just be "normal", and if he can't love women, then, quote, "there's nothing wrong with being a permanent bachelor".

She just wants to play happy fucking families and pretend like she didn't boot her child out into the cold because she's a shit mother who can't accept her son being queer.

You'll be pleased to know I didn't actually tell her to go fuck herself, but believe me, it took all of my self control.

[Sigh] Victor's in the bathroom. He's washing his face. There were a lot of tears.

I'm going to bring him back to the Best of Luck when he comes out. If you've got any cupcakes left or something can you put one aside for him? And maybe some of that fancy fruit tea, as well? I think he's going to need a good love up when we get there.

I kind of wish you were here. You're better at comfort than I am. I'm just fucking angry.



KANE: Cupcakes and tea put aside. Helen and Mira have already claimed the comfiest couch up the back so Victor can have the best spot when he gets here.

[Gently] I know you worry a lot about not being, like, comforting enough? But trust me... that anger you've got is still helpful. There's a lot of comfort in someone else being angry at injustice when we're not able to feel it yet ourselves.

We'll soothe him when he gets here, if that's what he wants. But for now I think it might be good if he can feel your anger on his behalf.



VICTOR: Hey, Jason. I'm still awake. Can't sleep.

Thanks for letting me crash here tonight. Although, it's kind of weird to be in a different bedroom to the time I stayed with you before. Can't say I mind not having to climb the staircase to get to it, though.

[Sombre] I feel so stupid about today. I thought... I really thought maybe we could work something out. I thought that maybe Dad had calmed down and, maybe Mum had reconsidered her position, or... something. I don't know.

[Sigh] I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I should have known better.

[Brighter] But you know what? Even though it was horrible? Coming back here to the bar, and having everyone here hug me and tell me they love me, and get me tea and hang out with me... and tell me that I'm okay, and I'm normal, and that it's my parents' loss for not wanting me?

That was really... meaningful. And really, almost... magical. It was like stepping through a portal from a shitty world to a perfect one.

Even if my parents don't want me, that's fine. Everyone here wants me. Everyone here loves me. I have more love and support here than I ever did with my blood family.

[Grateful] And I wouldn't have any of that if you hadn't helped me when I first came here. I don't know if I can ever really repay you for that. I know I thank you for taking me in a lot, but... everything a family is supposed to have, I found here. Thanks to you and Kane.

Thank you.


[Casette Noise]

JULIE: You know, I have no idea if you'll be queer or straight when you grow up, baby. I've told you before, I hope you're queer, but even if not, that's okay.

But the thing is, you're still gonna have a queer mother. So... I'm still going to need to teach you some stuff, even if you end up being straight yourself.

The world can be cold towards queer people. A lot of people think we're not even human. Even a lot of nice people still think that we're unnatural, and not really worth considering as a part of society. But we are, baby, of course we are.

The thing is, even people who don't think that... they still live in a society that does. And we live in that society too. So even if you're not close to the actual mean people, it can still get tiring, sometimes, to exist in a world that hates you.

So here's a secret, from your queer Mumma: you need to find oases.

You need to find pockets of space and time, with people you love and who love you, where everything is okay. You need to find places where you are welcome and valued. You need to find people who are kind to you. And then, you must be kind to them too, and welcome and value them, too.

When you do this, you create bubbles in society. Strong bubbles, that give you air when you're drowning beneath the waves. Bubbles that can raise you up again when you've sunk so low that you can't see the light any more.

These bubbles are very important, and you must tend them gently, and add your air to them whenever you're able. Because that's how we survive in the world, baby. We fight when we need to, and then we rest when we need to, as well.

Find your oasis. And if you can't find one? Cultivate one yourself. All it takes to start one is a single person, making the time and space for kindness, both towards themselves and others. Big bubbles can grow from very small lungs.



ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.

Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Julie is voiced by Nic Rummery. Victor is voiced by D.L. Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.

If you're enjoying Love and Luck, consider backing us on Patreon. We do our best not only to make a high quality show for you, but to pay everyone involved in its creation. Your monthly donation will be directly supporting queer art by queer people. Pledge now at patreon.com/passervulpes - that's patreon.com/ P A S S E R V U L P E S.

For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, on twitter as @LoveLuckPodcast, and on tumblr and instagram as loveandluckpodcast, all one word.

[Music fades out]