ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.
JASON: Hey babe, just a reminder that Josh and Hannah won't be around until eight tomorrow night, so don't do that thing where you get ready to go at like six o'clock and then just vibrate anxiously for two hours, okay? I will remind you of this again in person when I see you tomorrow.
KANE: I feel like I should be offended that you think I need reminding of how time works, but then I realized that if you left me to my own devices, I would 100% do exactly what you told me not to do. So... humph! How dare you know me so well!
Things are good downstairs today. Tom is excited for the housewarming party - apparently he doesn't get invited to many parties that, y'know, are actually wheelchair accessible. I mean, not that it sounds like Victor and Michael's new place is great for that, but it is at least all on one floor with only a tiny lip at the entrance to the building. So... near enough is good enough, at least when it comes to getting trashed with friends, anyway.
Speaking of which... I'm kind of excited. I literally do not remember the last time I got drunk. It was probably like... back in the first couple of months of dating you, I think? Which feels like FOREVER ago now.
And yes, before you come galloping downstairs and bellowing that I need to leave you a drunk voicemail tonight, yes, I promise I will. Or at least I promise I will try, because there is a good chance that I will forget.
I love you. See you when you get up!
[SFX: House party background noise]
KANE: [Drunk] Okay! I said okay! I'm doing it!
JASON: [Drunk] Are you sure?? Did you dial the right contact??
KANE: YES! Look, it's your face! Your face is on the phone! [LAUGHS] I like your face!
JASON: I like YOUR face!
KANE: I like YOUR face!
JASON: I like YOU!
KANE: I like YOU!!! I LOVE you!
JASON: I love you too! Are you crying?
KANE: NO! My face is just wet because I love you!
JASON [Laughing] Aww, baby...
[SFX: House party noise in background]
VICTOR: [Drunk] Hey future Jason! This is past Jason!
JASON: Hey! You're not past Jason! I am!
[SFX: Muffled house party noise in background]
KANE: [Quietly drunk] Hey... I'm hiding in the bathroom. Just for a few minutes. It's really, really loud out there, and apparently I am not used to being drunk in loud places any more. Or... being drunk at all any more, really...
I feel dizzy...
I kind of remember WHY I don't get drunk anymore... aside from the whole... never having alcohol near me... thing. It's kind of terrible! I feel like I'm too loud and too big and too clumsy!
[Whisper-ish] Oh, hey, do we know CJ? Everyone's acting like we know them but I don't recognize them at all, and I feel like a huge dickhead. Do we know them? Fuck.
[Deep breath] Anyway. You always leave me cute or funny drunk voicemails so... this is me trying, okay? I'm... uh... very drunk. [Laughs] Oh, shit... I have to get up early and work in the morning, too. Fuck.
Uhhh... I love you. And... apologies in advance if I throw up in our bed tonight. And... sorry this isn't a very good drunk voicemail. I love you.
JASON: [Drunk, quiet] Hey my lightweight sweetheart. We got home a few minutes ago and you are OUT like a LIGHT. [Chuckles]
Thank you for your drunk voicemail. It was very coherent and super cute, just like you.
I hope you don't wake up with too much of a hangover tomorrow. But if you do... eat some food, drink some water, have a berocca and some panadol. Then like... I don't know, wait for me to get up so I can scoop out your hangover, okay?
Huh. Wow. It's been... a long time since hangover hoovering was part of our agenda, huh? And never in this direction! I'm normally the hungover one.
[Exhale] God. So much has changed since that first hangover scoop. You know... that's kind of cool. Like... we were just saying the other day how we feel like we don't know anything about our magic, but like... compared to when it first started happening? We kind of know a lot about it now. Not like... not like a lot in general. Just like... a lot compared to what we used to know.
Heh. We've come a long way I guess. Even if it doesn't feel like that, sometimes.
I'm starting to think that's what life is, though. Feeling like you're not getting anywhere, but then looking back and going "holy shit, I've come a long way".
I love you. You're so wonderful.
I'm gonna go to sleep now too, okay? I'll see you in hangover hell tomorrow.
JASON: [Drunk] Oh, and by the way, yes, we do know CJ. We just used to know them as Cindy. You remember, the host of the radio show we went on back when we first opened the bar? Yeah! That's CJ. New name, new pronouns, same bubbly personality. Love you!
VICTOR: [Tired, drunk] Hey Jason, it's Victor. Thanks for coming tonight. I know you guys had to find some other people to handle the bar, and I can't imagine that was easy on Papa Bear's nerves.
I hope you got him home and safely into bed okay. He did NOT look like he was feeling super great when you left. I'm guessing he's not great at holding his liquor much these days.
[Yawn] Pretty much everyone has left, except for Ricardo and CJ. They're crashing on our floor tonight, I think.
I really like this apartment. It feels good.
Michael was saying he wants to get some plants. Um, Not just for the balcony but like, inside as well. I like plants, I think. I've never really had plants. But they're nice, right?
I warned him I've never had plants before, so he'll have to show me how to not kill them, and he said that was fine and he'd teach me. So I'm gonna learn about gardening! So yeah. That's a new adventure. [Yawn]
I'm gonna pass out now. Thanks for being my friend, Jason. And thank Kane again for me, for helping with the application, yeah? I don't know if I'd be here right now if he hadn't helped. He's a really good guy. You both are.
ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.
Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Victor is voiced by DL Turnbull. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon and Eris Barnes.
Thank you to Charlie Lang for supporting this episode.
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