Episode 4 - It Just Sucks, You Know?
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ROSLYN: You've reached the Love and Luck Podcast.
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JASON: Hey, it's Jason. So, I know I was going to stay over at your place tonight, but I just got a job interview for tomorrow morning that's right near my place. Do you want to come over here instead?
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KANE: Hey, yeah, I'll come over to yours instead. It's probably about time I met your housemates anyway, since you've met mine. Want me to bring anything?
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JASON: Don't worry about bringing anything. I'll let my housemates know to expect you. Hopefully they like you more than your housemates like me!
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KANE: Hey, my housemates may not love you, but they don't hate you. Which, considering they hate almost everything and everyone, is actually very high praise.
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JASON: Oh my god, are you serious? I thought they like, full on hated me. I'm glad they don't, but man, tough crowd. Anyway, I'll see you later, I figure you'll just come on by around dinner time?
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KANE: Yeah, I'm not really sure what the deal is with them, but they pay their rent on time and they tidy the kitchen when they're done using it, so as far as I'm concerned they're perfect housemates.
Dinner time sounds good. See you tonight.
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KANE: Good luck with your job interview today! I'm thinking of you!
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JASON: [Defeated] Hey, it's me. The job interview didn't go very well. I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. [Sighs]
I always strike out at interviews. I do great on phone interviews, and they always like my resume - not that resumes are much important for the shitty jobs I apply for, but anyway - the moment they get into the same room as me though... I don't know.
I think I'm too obviously gay, you know? Like... they never give me a solid reason for turning me down on reacting badly, sometimes I get the bullshit "not the right cultural fit" answer, but never anything more. Which only makes me sure that that's it, because if they admitted they didn't want me because I'm too gay I could sue the shit out of them.
I've tried to butch it up before, but it's just so obviously drag, you know? And I shouldn't have to butch it up. Just for stupid office or retail jobs! Even fucking pubs don't want me pulling beers, for fuck's sake! I'm going to be stuck doing shitty casual hospitality work forever, I swear to god.
Ugh. Sorry for the negative voicemail. This is just... it's so frustrating, and I feel like I can vent to you, but like, if it's too much, let me know and I won't.
I'm just... I'm so tired.
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KANE: Hey, it's me. You can absolutely vent to me, okay? I'm here for that.
That fucking sucks about the interview. Do you want me to come over again tonight? I can make you a nice dinner or something.
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JASON: Hey... thank you. For listening and for offering to make me dinner. I think... I think I'm just going to go out and get maggoted tonight instead, though. I need to decompress, you know? Just... get it all out. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
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KANE: Hey, so, I'm not like, super keen on the ‘get maggoted' plan, but hey, you do you. Call me tomorrow if you need a hangover nurse, okay? I've got the day off, so I can come around with food, berocca, and panadol if you need me. Have a good time tonight.
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JASON: [Drunk, happily] Hey babe! It's like, 3am right now, and I'm... soooo fucking wasted, oh my god. But! I wanted to tell you, that I'm really sorry if I made you worry about me. You're so fucking nice, and you sounded really worried in that last voicemail, and I just... thank you for worrying about me, and I'm sorry to make you worry, okay?
You're so nice, you know that? And like... actually nice, not just polite or whatever, but like... genuinely sweet and wonderful, and... nice.
Oh, shit, the bar is closing, hang on, I'll call you back.
[Hangup]
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JASON: [Drunk, giddily] Okay!! I'm outside!! I'm literally in the gutter!! [Laughs] Ah shit... it's where I belong, so my mother would tell me.
Man, it fucking sucks when bars close so early. I like to stay out laaaate. I should open my own bar!! Then I could keep it open for as long as I'd like!! Shiiit, I'd be soooo good at running a bar, I mean, I practically live for this shit anyway, and it'd just be working for myself, right? I already do bartender work when I can get it! I could be a business owner! [Laughs] Jason the business man!
Oh! Oh man!! You know what would be cool? If we opened a bar together. Because you're like... you're so smart, and you're good with, like, books and learning and shit. I bet you would know all about running a business. Or like... if you don't, then like, you could learn it like... sooo fast.
Hah... aw, shit, I should probably go home now the bar's closed. Can't stay in the gutter forever. Probably. I'm pretty sure people frown on that. [Laughs]
[Hangup]
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JASON: [Drunk, in a "tired end of the night" way] Hey... it's me again. [Unwell grunt] It's like... five o'clock now? And I just threw up twice, so that's how my night is going.
I proooobably shouldn't have drunk so much, but like... fuck it, you know? Like honestly... just... fuck it. Fuck everything. There's no fucking jobs, and I'm too gay to get any of the jobs that do exist, and it's just... just, fuck it.
It fucking sucks, you know? Everything fucking sucks.
Except you. You don't suck. Or... [chuckles] Well. You know what I mean! You don't suck in the bad way! You're just... really good. You're a really nice person and a really nice boyfriend. Shit... I'm still kind of amazed you are my boyfriend? Like... you're so good! Like... lots of people think I'm stupid and shallow, and I mean... I kind of am? But you never treat me that way. You're just... really nice. You're really good to me.
I really... I really like you.
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ROSLYN: Love and Luck is written by Erin Kyan, and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions. Kane is voiced by Lee Davis-Thalbourne. Jason is voiced by Erin Kyan. Credits spoken by Roslyn Quin. Recorded by Kermie Breydon.
For more information about Love and Luck, check out our website, loveandluckpodcast.com. You can also find us on facebook as Love and Luck Podcast, and follow us on twitter, at @LoveLuckPodcast.